Gabriel Excuse me, God.
God What is it, Gabriel?
Gabriel We’ve got a problem.
God A problem?
Gabriel Yes, with the advent calendar.
God Don’t tell me – the earth’s run out of ethically sourced chocolate?
Gabriel No.
God The church has been sued for not providing enough dairy-free alternatives?
Gabriel No. It’s the Angels’ Union.
God They want calendars as well? There’s thousands upon thousands of them and ten thousand
times ten thousand. That’s a hundred and ten million angels!
Gabriel A hundred and nine million, nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and
ninety-nine, actually.
God A hundred and nine million, nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and
ninety-nine?
Gabriel Yes, Raphael’s gone all health-conscious again.
God Has he really?
Gabriel No. I’m not talking about that kind of advent calendar.
God What then?
Gabriel It’s the list of announcements for advent. There are so many. They cover umpteen
generations.
God So?
Gabriel We think we must have got them mixed up.
God Why do you think that?
Gabriel Some announcements say the Messiah will come like a conquering King and defeat his enemies
and some say he will come like a Shepherd and gently lead his flock.
God Can’t he do both?
Gabriel Yes, but what about him coming as a baby? You can’t expect people to wait until he grows
up before he saves them.
God Can’t I?
Gabriel And then he’ll return to heaven and we have to tell his followers that he’ll return to
earth, just as he said.
God What’s the problem with that?
Gabriel Nothing. Except.
God Except what?
Gabriel His second coming sounds like the fulfilment of a lot of the announcements we’re meant to
give before he’s come the first time.
God That’s because it is. Why is that a problem?
Gabriel It’s Michael. He likes everything done in the right order.
God I’ll have a word with him.
Gabriel And ...
God What?
Gabriel You haven’t said when these things are going to be fulfilled.
God I know.
Gabriel Well some of the ... other angels ... were wondering.
God I expect they were.
Gabriel And some of them, like Uriel, are absolutely dying to know what’s going to happen when.
Except they can’t die, but you know what I mean.
God Indeed I do.
Gabriel So we, I mean they, think it would be helpful if you kept all the prophecies and
announcements to do with the first coming separate from those to do with the second coming.
God Do they?
Gabriel And put some dates on them as well, just to be sure. It would help us to keep track of the
announcements if we had a calendar of when they were going to be fulfilled.
God I’ll tell you what. Tell them I’ve listened to what they say and given it some thought.
Gabriel And there’ll be a new announcement to go up on the notice board?
God Yes. It will say, “No one knows the day or the hour when these things will happen, not
even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows.”
Gabriel I’ll tell them that if they want an Advent Calendar, they’d better stick to the chocolate
ones – and that includes Raphael.
2024 Richard B Gillion
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