It was getting too crowded in heaven. God would do some expanding,
of course, but in the meantime, some drastic measures were called for. A
community council meeting was called. All the heavy hitters, like
Michael, Gabriel and Uriel, agreed that a tougher admission policy
needed to be implemented.
So, it was declared only to accept people who'd really had a bad day on
the day that they died. Everyone else could cool their heels in limbo
until more celestial real estate was available.
St. Peter went back out to the Pearly Gates and said to the first man
who was waiting in line: "Tell me about the day you died." The man
said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I
came home early to catch her. I must have made noise coming in, because
she was in bed, nude and sweaty, right, but the guy was nowhere to be
seen, I searched all over our 25th floor high rise apartment and
couldn't find the adulterer anywhere. So, I went out on the balcony. Lo
and behold, this sweating man, only partially clothed, was out there
hanging over the edge of the railing by his fingertips. Finally, he fell
but he landed smack in the middle of this gigantic, full juniper bush.
the guy was still kicking. I couldn't believe it. By this time, I was
literally seeing red. I went and got the refrigerator.......wrestled it
out of the kitchen, pushed it out on the balcony, and heaved it over the
railing. That did the trick: squashed the guy flat. However, the strain
of these exertions gave me a massive heart attack, and I died." St.
Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day. Of course, it WAS
murder. Still, one crime of passion in an otherwise blameless
life.......so he let the man in.
He then asked the next man in line about his last day. "Well sir, it
was horrible," the second man said. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony
of my 26th floor apartment when I tripped and fell over the side. I
managed to grab the balcony railing of the apartment below, but some
maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer and I
fell. I landed on some bushes and broke a few bones. Frankly, it was
miraculous. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me." St. Pete
chuckled: a definite case of "the wrong place at the wrong time." So, he
let him into heaven. He was really beginning to enjoy this new policy.
"Tell me about the day you died," he said to the third man in line.
"O.K, picture this. I'm naked, hiding inside of a
refrigerator......................."
Go back to my main page
Second joke below!!
***********************************************
Top 18 Ways To Annoy Other People...
***********************************************
1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 150%, dark, 17 inch paper, 99
copies.
2. In the memo field of all of your checks, write "for sensual
massage".
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
4. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather
conditions "to keep them tuned up".
5. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think".
6. Practice making fax and modem noises.
7. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them
to your boss.
8. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with
prophecy".
9. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your
ears.
10. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green andinsist to others that you "like it that way".
11. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear
that?"
"What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
12. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
13. Ask people what gender they are.
14. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a
parakeet.
15. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see
if they slow down.
16. Sing along at the opera.
17. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
18. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their
answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological
profiles".
Email: hoticeman1@prodigy.net