DISCLAIMER: "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and the characters contained within are the sole property of Twentieth Century Fox Television, Mutant Enemy, and His Worshipfulness, Joss Whedon. I'm only letting Buffy and her friends have a little harmless fun and excitement. I have nothing, so don't bother suing me.

"Oh, Buffy, baby, I love you so much! We should have sex!" Cameron Walker, star swimmer and budding Fish Man, cried lustfully as he tugged at the Slayer's skimpy tank top.

Buffy giggled and slapped at his hand, looking apologetic when he grabbed at his injured paw. "Oops, sorry, Cam. I guess I just don't know my own strength!"

When she batted her eyelashes at him and thrust her lovely breasts under his nose, Cameron was hormonally inclined to forgive her. He leaned down again to kiss her, his hand creeping up the front of her top. * All the guys on the team are gonna be high-fivin' me when they hear how I nailed Buffy Summers in the back of my brand-new, tricked-out 1998 Ford Mustang! I'm so friggin' cool! *

"Oh, baby, let's do it!" he sighed as he nuzzled her neck.

"School starts in five minutes, Cam, we'll be late," Buffy sighed as his hand found its way underneath her black miniskirt.

"I'm eighteen, Buffy! We'll make it to class with time to spare."

That sounded pretty good to the Chosen One, so she grinned and reached for the hem of her skirt.

"You're so good-lookin', babe. I love your great ass. . . "

Buffy moaned in excitement as she pulled her skirt up to her waist.

". . . and your perky tits. . . "

Sighing in rapture, Buffy started to pull her pink satin panties over her hips.

". . . and your big, sapphire blue eyes with the purple flecks. . ."

The Slayer paused, her panties halfway down her thighs. "Excuse me, what did you say?" she asked dangerously.

Cameron stared at her, his lust-fogged brain backpedaling frantically, struggling to remember what it was he had just said that was making Buffy pull her panties back up. "Whaaa. . . I. . . uh. . . I don't know. What did I just say?"

"Cameron, what color are my eyes?"

"Um. . . "

Buffy pushed her skirt back into place as the swimmer struggled to figure just what color her eyes really were.

"I'm waiting."

"Uh, jeez. . . hey! Did I ever tell you how swimming in the ocean makes me feel? All squooshy and one with the sealife?"

The Slayer rolled her eyes, preventing Cameron from making out the elusive color. "Look, stupid. By the third act, you're gonna be a fish! I read the script, you read the script, you know how this lame-ass episode ends. The question you are so clumsily avoiding answering is WHAT COLOR ARE MY GODDAMNED EYES?"

Cameron cowered against the door, his hands cupping his genitals. He didn't want a repeat of the last time he pissed off a girl; his balls had ached for a week. "Um. . . brown?"

Before he could throw up his arms to ward her off, Buffy had grabbed him by the back of the head and slammed him face down into the black leather dashboard. Blood spurted from his ruined nose.

"OWWW! You bitth! You boke muh node! Ah'm tellun Misthur Shnydur!"

Buffy laughed as she stepped out of the car. "Tell him, jackass! I'm not scared of that scrawny, impotent, pencil-dick!" She smoothed her skirt down, then placed her black sunglasses on her too-perfect nose. "Oh and FYI, Cam? My eyes are green."

Leaving the soon-to-be denizen of the deep squalling in his fancy car, Buffy turned towards the school and bumped nose-to-nose with a certain scrawny, impotent pencil-dick.

"Oh! Hi, Principal Snyder! Have I told you today how handsome you look in that brown suit?" she gushed.

As Snyder dragged her by the ear to his office, Buffy whined.

"Well, they ALWAYS get my eye color wrong!"

The End