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Blowjob Etiquette (by a female)
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is notstandard
practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last Iheard,
deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on
your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through
your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel
particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high schoolgirls -
if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me
I've just "wrecked it" for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards
is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the
future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate
about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're
good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the
protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blowjobs
often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either
>sympathize or brag.
16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss
it good morning".
A Man's thoughts on Fellatio aka Rebuttal Etiquette (by a male)
1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we willfind
someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a loteasier
than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anythingto you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and bethankful
I'm not pulling your hair.
5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only
way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!
6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, youneed
all the fluids you can get. trust me.
7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the
short end of the stick in flavor country.
8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.
9. Play with the balls.
10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!
12. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morningnow, but
when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be
"sound asleep".
13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any onyour
face, now will you?
* You can't go wrong if you shield your
dong!
* Cover your stump before you hump!
* Before you attack her, wrap your
wacker!
* Don't be silly....protect your willy!
* If you won't sack it,go
home and whack it!
* If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey!
* It'll be
sweeter if you cover your peter!
* If you go into heat, package yourmeat!
*
While your undressing venus, dress up your penis.
