Cats in Physics
1 - Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at
rest, unless
acted upon by some outside force - such as
the opening of
cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
2 - Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line,
unless there is
a really good reason to change direction.
3 - Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters
attract cat hair
in direct proportion to the darkness of the
fabric.
4 - Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler
body, except in
the case of a cat, in which case all heat
flows to the
cat.
5 - Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance
proportional to the
length of the nap just taken.
6 - Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people
whenever possible,
in a position as uncomfortable for the people
involved as
is possible for the cat.
7 - Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to
reach just
about any counter top that has anything
remotely
interesting on it.
8 - Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant
rate, until he
gets good and ready to stop.
9 - Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when
anything good is
served.
10 - Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally
flat state for
very long.
11 - Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in
proportion to a
human's desire for her to do something.
12 - First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be
created nor
destroyed and will, therefore, use as little
energy as
possible.
13 - Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only
be stored by
a lot of napping.
14 - Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long
enough,
someone will come along and take out
something good to
eat.
15 - Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a
cat will jump
into bed at the speed of light.
16 - Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually
take over,
the most comfortable spot in any given room.
17 - Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room
must contain a
cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
18 - Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct
proportion to
his/her embarrassment times the amount of
human laughter.
19 - Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk,
squared,
just to show you he can.
20 - Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture
is directly
proportional to the cost of the
furniture.
21 - Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the
softest place
possible.
22 - Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace
her own
volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
23 - Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in
inverse
proportion to the amount of effort a human
expends in
trying to interest him/her.
24 - Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the
potential energy
to reach escape velocity.
25 - Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter +
Anti-Matter + It
Doesn't Matter.
Rules For Cats Who Have a House To Run
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