Hollow Place

But then I saw Him. I saw Him, and He saw me and our eyes met and my heart beat just a little faster. I watched Him take His coffee to the far table and sit down to read His book. I saw Him brush a strand of His shiny curly hair out of His eyes. I saw Him and I wondered how I could feel like this about Him. I wondered how I could feel the same stirrings in my body watching Him that I felt when I was watching Her.

I sit and I wonder if there's something wrong with me and the milk I'm pouring into the glass spills all over the floor. My co-worker makes fun of me again and I just smile and laugh when deep down I'm remembering the way Her nose looked and a part of me starts to feel all gooey. A part of me starts to remember more things about Her like how Her hair looked so soft and how I would love to borrow those pants She was wearing. A part of me was imagining the two of us waking up together and gong through eachother's closets and doing all the things that best friends do...best friends who are also lovers. And while that other part of me is imagining all this I spill more milk on the floor and I look up to see He is watching me from His table. My face gets all hot and I know that it is red. Maybe He thinks I am just hot standing behind this big machine. But, then again, maybe He knows that I am thinking about Him this way. Maybe He even knows that I am thinking about Her this way, but that's crazy because She left long before He even got here. She left when I wasn't looking. She left while I was making someone's drink and I didn't even get to say goodbye to Her in my head. I didn't get to watch Her walk out the door. I didn't get to catch my final glimpse and freeze it in my mind forever.

Now She may never come back. Though I have seen Her before, this was the first time I really noticed Her and because of that it may be the last time I see Her and I will only have the memories I made today to remember Her by.

As all this runs through my head I grow just a little bit sad. I grow sad because somewhere in the back of my head I wonder if She was supposed to be the One. Maybe She was supposed to be the One I wake up with every morning and take a shower with. Maybe She was supposed to be the One who I get in a fight with because She left the cap off the toothpaste again. Maybe She was supposed to be the One who will hold me in Her arms for hours after my dog dies when I hurt so much.