Here it is in its glory. I have yet to make sense. of it, though. I'm confused as to what it's trying to say. Is it a secret code? Am I reading it wrong? I just plain don't get it.

In order to help understand what the letter meant, I posted a thread on the Something Awful forums. In an attempt to clarify, one person named shuriken translated it into Japanese and back into English, using Babelfish. The results were less than promising:

The God which becomes the love which is main and the necessity to become this 1, love of the thing which sends the your hand money to this house in this package of kind of money of substance which helps the fact that those turn the state of public finance pulling to this valuable of our top rank and is, you see.

Another goon by the name of Voice of Reason offered this translation, which may be accurate:

Dear God: We have the money seeds you gave us with instructions to deliver them to this d00d's house. We're dropping it off and waiting for it to come back. Peace out, dawg.

To make things more interesting, when I held the envelope up to the light, there was something sinister inside. Something that looked like this:

What could this possibly be? Is it pine needles? A secret shredded message? A horrible prank? ANTHRAX???