Little Johnny's mother looked out the window and noticed him "playing church" with their cat. He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it. She smiled and went about her work.
A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back to the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water. She called out, "Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!"
Johnny looked up at her and said, "He should have thought about that before he joined my church."
from The Rev
Fred Kane, on the PRC-L preaching List
From Lawrence Winebrenner Thanks!
Yesterday I went to a restaurant with a couple of friends, their
daughter, son-in-law, and grandson. We were at a buffet where I hobbled
around unsteadily because of a brace on my foot. While I was sitting
alone as the others went for additional servings, a woman came by the
table and said, "I like your grace." I was puzzled, since I knew how
unsteady I am on my feet. Then she showed me how self-centered I really
am. She added, "The family that prays together, stays together." She had
been talking about our table grace!
From Lawrence Winebrenner Thanks!
A family had company over for dinner one evening. Before they began the meal the mother asked her daughter to say grace.
"Oh, Mom, I don't know what to say," the youngster replied.
"That's O.K.," her mother said. Just say what you've heard me say."
They all bowed and the young girl said, "O Lord. Why did I invite these
people tonight?"
From Art Hebeller who is on a preaching list I receive.
A newly ordained pastor was called to a small town congregation. In addition to a typical newly-ordained salary, he was given a parsonage adjoining the church, conveniently connected by a covered walkway. One Sunday, he was boasting that all of his sermons were developed in the time it took him to walk to the church on Sunday morning.
The following week, the church council voted to buy the new pastor a brand
new home--five miles from the church.
One lovely fall afternoon a woman was driving down a counrty road. Too late she saw a wild rabbit hop across the road and she hit him. Stopping the car she got out to find a very dead rabbit lying on the road. She loved all of thw woodland creatures and she started to cry.
An older man in a convertible stopped his car and asked what she was doing. She pointed to the dead animal and explained that she had not meant to kill it.
"No matter", said the man, "I have just tthe thing in my trunk". He came back with a can of hair spray and he sprayed it all over the dead animal. Soon the bunny got up and hopped off. Before he reached the edge of the road he stopped, looked back at the pair, rose up on his hind lega, and waved at them with his right front paw. He hopped to the other side of the ditch and did the same.
In fact he waved at them no fewer than ten times before he entered the woods and they could see him no longer.
Mister, what do you have in that can?" she asked incredulously.
"Oh, I'll read what it says. Acme hair restorer with permanent wave. Use liberally to restore dead and lifeless hair to it's healthy wavy self".
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave Rome. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave.
The Jews realized that they had no choice. They looked around for a champion who could defend their faith, but no one wanted to volunteer. It was too risky. So they finally picked an old man named Moishe, who spent his life sweeping up after people, to represent them. Being old and poor, he had less to lose, so he agreed. He asked only for one addition to the debate. Not being used to saying very much as he cleaned up around the settlement, he asked that neither side be allowed to talk.
The Pope agreed.
The day of the great debate came.
Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can stay."
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said: "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him, that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground, showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe, amazed that this old, almost feeble-minded man had done what all their scholars had insisted was impossible! 'What happened?' they asked. "Well," said Moishe, "First he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here." "And then?" asked a woman. "I don't know," said Moishe. "He took out his lunch and I took out mine."
I got this from the Midrash preaching list which is part of joinhands.com
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