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she says, "don't you know?" 28 january 1999 "the darkness comes & the darkness goes." it seems no better when you've had your say. words get colder when you've gone away. we just lie about it as we become shadows of ourselves. -duncan sheik. .. * .. * ..
so what do you do when you find this life in your hands..? did you hint at needing it, wanting it? maybe just for a minute. but you never expected you would be holding it in your arms. you never thought this would all of a sudden become yours. something that you now have to baby, love, nurture. take care of, by god! i don't know how to take care of a baby, something that doesn't know the world from a womb except it's brighter & there are more friends. i don't know what to do with it. i don't know how to take care of something that's been thrown at me. .. * .. * ..
does it make you wonder why? does it make you wonder what you're worth? do you want to sit down & have someone important, someone you hold on a pedestal tell you what you do for them, who you are to them? does it make you want to crush the entire world into your palm & hold it together while you cry? is that it? does it make you feel closer to the sky? does it make you more even when you walk on the ground? do you remember how to feel the same? does it come & go as it pleases? is that how we work? does it make you feel closer to the outside world? does it make it okay to go outside at the end of the day? if that's what it is, please tell me now. let me know. .. * .. * ..
i would like to listen to something angry. something that screams. v.o.d. yeah. that would do. i know you were nice to many people, but your scars on my face still show. & i am not afraid, i am not one to fall. i am still walking, i am still eating. i was not a mistake. my eyes may seem baggy, pained, tired. but i am not afraid of your acoustics, your seaweed. maybe she just wants to sleep. how long does it take to understand that the last thing i need is you? the last & the only thing. can't blame me too much, can't see that my smile is completely fake. that i know how people look when they're happy, i can see it in their eyes. i am an actor, a painter, an artist & my face is my stage, my canvas, my palette. perhaps you did read the directions, but you were never capable of playing the game. feeling better? then let it go & i'll beckon to the things which hide & wrap around, attaching to your inner skins. |
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