like i want.
21 march 1999.
yeah, i want.

beauty is so indescript. sometimes, i can call myself beautiful.. when i'm looking in the mirror or i'm complemented by something infusing beauty. but sometimes, when you catch me off guard, i have this double chin thing that leans into my neck.. it just. ew. it's not beautiful. it's not at all.

but what isn't beautiful to me might be to you. & the other way around. beauty is undefined. i despise it when someone tries to determine beauty for [me]. cover of a magazine girl picture ohhh-kay but don't tell me that because i am different than she i am not beautiful because you make me feel like that. so stop. but who does the stopping?

right.

sfumato:
my soul needs replacing.
i've worn it down to the cork base.

my name is blue. i would like to get inside of you. would you like to get inside of me too? your mystery is too.. i'm waiting at the end of the spew. tell me what it's like to think ways you do. remind me of things that are true. speak to me in riddle, in clue. fall from the sky, i think we flew.

(don't ask. it might be a bad night.)

there's lots of fare-paying going on at the moment. there's a lot of please just meet before you learn to see. i guess. i'm tired. i'm really tired. jesus christ, blue, when the fuck are you Not tired? hee. i can still remember a conversation moo & i had about how when you say my name, you immediately equate it to tiredness. lethargy, almost. sometimes.

all summah-lwong. say, sometime.. let's go out. then let's come back to your place.. my place.. our place? yes, our place, & sit on the couch & watch bad late night t.v., maybe some stand-up or commercials or something & get frustrated because there's never anything good on television & turn off the screen just sit & stare at the black square because there's all the time in the world & we CAN.

(it might not be, though. you never can tell.)

i'm reading plato & chekhov. is this wrong or scary? i'm a little worried myself. please check my vital signs for something you check vital signs for. they wake you up in the middle of the night to do that. i never really understood that idea. i mean, you can check the patient's pulse to make sure he/she is awake.. alive, even.. but why all the pressing, poking, prodding rather than just pulsing & deParture? sure, i suppose it makes sense, but just stop me if you've heard this one: i didn't exactly like it.

well, miss skeptic, it's time for you to do some more updating. mraaah.
tell me this isn't what i need: i got offered to be hosted on someone's server. okay. that thrills me. so i'm going to put this story that i'm working on there. shrug. whatever. we'll see.



oh, yes. i've been thinking. if you're interested in getting me anything in the near future, Please. get me the magnetic poetry crap. i don't know Where exactly i'd put it, but i would love you to death. i mean, i use the stuff that's on the web, but it's kind of.. distracting. you know what i mean, don't you? i thought you might. yeah, so anyway. if you were wondering. because someone asked me what i wanted yesterday & that was basically it. basically.

stop me.

if you've heard.