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blame, blame. everyone's always trying to blame someone for something. turn it around & hurt you instead of them. i'm pretty good at that & i know when i'm doing it. it works well on boys. hah. there was a guy right below us in the dorm playing alice in chains today. it was rather hilarious. we asked for requests & erin decided to play "this is how we do it" at loud volumes. i love showers. especially ones involving the rain. i am beyond your peripheral vision. i im'd someone that i think is jerking me around. i'm not sure how i feel about that exactly. hah. but at this point, if i find myself benefiting & being happy from a kinship that perhaps i'm a little shaky about at first, then so be it. <shrug> maybe things will work out, maybe they won't. i don't think that at this point i'm in much of a mood to get upset. i am SO not in a people person mood today. i Hate it when people fuck with my friends. i Hate it when it happens to be the person who usually leans over to my friend & says, "i love you" & plants a kiss on the respected cheek. sigh. i Hate it. i hate it when i feel powerless, when i feel like i know what's up, when i feel like i know what's going on, what makes sense to me -- & i hate not being able to say it. i hate thinking that i'll jeopardize a friendship because of my opinions. but when does that usually stop me? isn't it just me trying to be protective & caring? isn't it just me looking out for what i think is the other person's well-being, self-preservation, self-worth, individuality? aren't i just gently easing the dependency? i don't know. i don't know. you're a freak, blue. could someone mention that? thanks. so if you tried to talk to me today, i'm sorry about that -- not being well-peopled & all. <shrug> hm. i feel like the poster child for .. tape. hah. because who needs a poster girl for tape? </smolder> <wave>? heellloooo? are you in there? <tweak> oh, yes. there you are. no, i didn't want anything specific. just to say hi. no, really, it's fine. go right ahead. i'll just stand over here & be the thing that's staring you in the face that you just don't see. |
black star. (radiohead) i get home from work & you're still standing in your dressing gown well what am i to do? i know all the things around your head what are we coming to? blame it on the black star. the troubled words of a troubled mind i try to understand. i try to stay awake but its 58 hours since that i last slept with you. what are we coming to? i just don't know anymore. blame it on the black star. i get on the train and i just stand about now that i don't think of you. i keep falling over what am i coming to? blame it on the black star |
