so this is one of those times where you just threw up, you're listening to some depeche mode and you start to slip in out of sanity so bad that you end up crying. again. and choking.. again. your own personal jesus. it's pinning me down. i don't believe i can function like this for much longer. i think i'm just going to go insane before i leave for school or something. i'm convincing myself of things that aren't real and feelings that are throwing my psyche across the room like a boomerang. i just want to sleep. that's all i ask. i just want to slip into the undulation of unconsciousness and float there. but then i know i'll come to the surface and my body will feel like it's been rolled over in the riptide and i'll feel worse than i did before. i don't want a roommate. why in the world would anyone want to be mine? is it so bad to want to be alone for a while? can you hold the limbo bar and go underneath it at the same time? when there's nothing around, are you still self-sustaining? who are you and why are you staring at the side of my eye like that? there's nothing inside. just lies and evilness and ruin. something left there before. it wasn't anyone's fault.. it just happened like a cow ends up on the train tracks just happens. so why can't you tell me when you know that it's time to go home?