you ask me to enter.
four-three-two april 1999.
but then you make me crawl.

i'm going home this weekend. let's talk for a minute about going home.
man, i couldn't have better grandparents if i tailor-made them myself. my mom & dad & sister rock too. but i'm not always in the mood to go home. i want to be by myself. i don't want to ask to get online. i don't want to have to tell someone where i'm going. i hate thinking that i need to be all secretive to do what i want. maybe i shouldn't be doing what i want. maybe.. oh, fuck it, i don't know.

stamp out a fire, m'dear. i overreact so much. i have to stop it.

when you're breathing, does the breath come in through your mouth or your nose? when you close your eyes, is it easier to concentrate? sometimes i breathe from my stomach as opposed to my chest. but either way, they both fill. end up coughing or passing out, throbbing on the left.

you are the brightest star that died before i could ever see you. i would like to say that i'm appreciative of your merit, of your light.. but what difference would it make. i wonder where everyone is.

do you ever wonder if you're missing a star? FUCK i ask too many goddamn questions. but i wonder if i'm missing a star. jess is leaving school. what am i doing or what have i done? sometimes i find that i appreciate people long after they've wanted the appreciation. you know what i mean. i once had someone tell me he was in love with me at one point. had i known that, man.. i didn't think he cared at all.

i won't try to make myself feel better at your expense. because, really, you don't have anything to spend. there's no cash flow, you're bankrupt & your check bounces Every time. don't even hand me the plastic without a meltdown in the not-to-distant future.

someone said, "i thought you were more complex than that, blue." uhm, excuse me? i'm insulted. i know how lo feels when someone tells her she acts older than her age. i mean, fuck. i'm sorry for not being so deep. perhaps you're not reading all of my words correctly, finding the hidden meanings in the phrases i type.

i could blow through the ceiling. i really could.

my roommate is gone. i love it when my roommate is gone.

you get what you give. therefore, i give you nothing but hatred & motherloving prickdom. stand up & be counted.

one two three ow.

wake up, kids. you've got a DISEASE.


they have some of THE stupidest things on television. i'm not even kidding.
so i'm at home a-fucking-GAIN. yeah. i know. try to sympathize. but yeah. mom & dad are being food & i gotta go!


shannon loves me yes i know for the bitch she tells me so. :)

i always feel like there's something in my eye. each one of them. weird. i should really look into that stupid surgery to get my eyes fixed. it's just a pain in this fat ass to keep ripping & tearing them out of my sockets.

for more on ripping & tearing, go check out the updates in the new section. aaahhhhh. my mom asked me today if i ever wonder what set off all my problems. you know what? i really have no idea. maybe it has something to do with betrayl, dark & stormy nights & .. well, let's not give away the ending.

i swear to god josh is on female restriction. his wanker is definitely grounded.

first we run.

then we laugh 'til we cry.