standing on the edge.

[30 november 1998]

rest your eyes none for the weary. happy holidays starts somewhere.

i had a dream about matt & troy last night wherein troy wrote a paper about me changing. me ruining things with our friendship & me being the reason matt & i broke up, not matt's infidelity. i was walking on the quad of uva & jess called something out to me about it. i turned around, threw my arms up in the air & started screaming. i read the opening paragraph, that i was once a good friend, but now dressed nicely & although had grown up so i wasn't worthy.

i hate the way some dreams make me feel. guh. especially if they aren't mine.

"i fell out of a tree ten years ago and landed in a wheelchair, and that section of his incredible life's work is one of the main reasons i even have a life ten years later."

--robert pinsky

{pull me out of the wake}

i was thinking about how nice it would be to have a secret life sometimes. you know, run an underground pornography ring of some sort. erin is putting up christmas lights. they blink. hysterical & useless. maybe i should help her. maybe not. : ) lazy punk. yes.

we hope that you choke. i got a picture of erin, meg, karen & i. it's cute. i want a scanner. i believe i will be buying myself one for christmas. i think that's clear. "let me play some jazz trumpet for y'all.. dna. what's that? just three little letters. probably stands for 'did not attack.'"

"framing oj? but i could risk my career.. & i really Like oj. but you're right, it's just to good."

"we have Got to get that son of a bitch."

i believe i'm going to have to make a trip to the mall to get a new clippy thing. it looks like a pirahna, it does. but now it looks like a pirahna with a flappy jaw because it broke. i think it's karen's fault, like she broke my cool slinky. <sniffle>

so this friend of mine is cool. but i'm scared, i don't know what i'm doing. this is a little panicy. hi, <wave>. it's always different with the lights out. do you suppose that if erin were here all the time, would i still be crying? riddle me this.

jesus christ. 1998 is almost over. how Wondermous.