fat ass.
three march 1999.
total weirdo freak.

thou must taketh so mine eyes can see.
no, really. i'm not a spaz. i'm not sporaaaadic. whatever. shut up. i don't want to write this journal. do you understaaaand that? dude. annoying. i am weeping in a willow. tears under my pillow.

no, really. you make me feel like i'm in a lull. look at least i wasn't bringing down the house. it's snowing outside. i didn't even notice. i would have gone out in my sandals again. maybe classes will be cancelled tomorrow & i can sit in my room & study. wallow. in .. studying. yes.

every little thing.

i'm just tired. right? i mean, it's not that big of a deal. wait, let me get excited. let me remember walking down a hallway, shadowy & long. the floors clumped with dust, dotted with smooth stones pressed into a tile. green paint on the walls, chipped from running your pencil down the sides, in the cracks.

you're hiding underneath the smoke in the room.

on the side of kristen's house, playing thundercats.
why do you always get to be mumrah? i don't Want to play the baby again! i'm not a baby & i'm taller than you anyway.
turn & look at your friend, shrugs. sigh.
why do we put UP with this?
i don't know, just please don't say anything.
why not? it's not fair!
look, guys, this just isn't fair anymore. you're not playing fair!

didn't exactly play fair after that. just ran home & hid in my tree or swung on my swing set which my friend called after me just once & then went back to playing the baby.





later on.
(okay, it's only ten minutes.)

heh. it's snowing outside. we had the window open but had no idea that it was actually doing anything. i wasn't even cold. heh. i'm not even going to comment. the wind is howling. just absolutely Howling. i wish it would come in here & sweep me away. my lazy ass.

this guy at the steakhouse was really sweet. our waiter. i think he just wanted an extra tip. but when i said something about erin always getting the mints, he brought me a whole bag. then he let me steal this ugly butterfly from off the wall.

his name was scott.

i confound you & Astound you.

you bet your life it is.

fate smiled at destiny.

not fit.

to be.