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i hope you don't mind. 7 february 1999 but i live here too. sing it to me in my sleep. sigh. 2049. there's no time left for losing when you stand before me. seep through my skin. make me whole again. i go on. i go on. it's all okay. everything's okay. just slip & slide into my hands. it's in the eyes, i say. it's in mine. what's in yours? what reflects? what light hits your cornea upside down & what ends up right side up? what is it that you're seeing? is it a person at all? i don't know a thing about it. i hate that you have to take care of me. i hate that you have to be here for me. i hate that i need you. i hate it. i hate this. i can't do this. i suppose in the end, it boils down to me hating me. earlier. hey. welcome to the world of sin. the room of nakedness. welcome one, welcome all. then fuck off. & don't come back. because this is IT. no more. sigh. things are okay. i'm okay when everything's not okay, right? i wish someone would listen & respond once in a while. i understand i'm a big pain in the ass, but really.. this hurts. not just physically. & no, i'd prefer to not spill my guts out to someone who will just put me on mental probation. guh. i know you're busy, but do you mind talking to me for a little while? just to make sure everything's out. because i'm Not okay. it's Not over. & it's Not okay. I WANT MY FUCKING ROOM BACK. jesus. sigh. you're a star in the sky & your light only reaches us much longer after you've gone away. do you ever feel like that? that maybe someone will see your importance long after you're gone & it will be too late? i always ached for the authors, poets, artists, etc., who were only recognized for their genius posthumously. i mean.. what an awful thing not to know. not to feel any sense of importance while being alive & here you are doing these Incredible things. i feel that sometimes everything i say is just some form of tautology (needless repetition in different words). am i doing that? i haven't seen the sky or the stars for a long time. not that i haven't looked. it's Not okay. it's NOT okay. but i'm okay. i'll be fine. |
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