16 november 1998.

[you hold the key.]

hi. so today's one of Those Days. i didn't get out of bed until 1230. i didn't go to sleep.. just stared at the wall. i listened to my roommate some. but she doesn't really make that much noise. i'm one of those people who gets into bed & thrashes. but she gets into bed & i don't even hear her pull the covers up. it's like she just floats into bed. uh. anyway. you have time for these thoughts when you're not sleeping, i suppose. woof.

it's karen's birthday. happy birthday, karen-honey. : )

i had a conversation with someone last night that made my day. it was really nice. but one of the things he said hit me. although i had written it myself & knew it on the surface, i guess i really hadn't heard it from anyone else. it's different when you hear truthful observations about yourself from other people. i Am really lazy at relationships. do i not have respect for them? is that what it is? i was thinking last night about how i really wanted to make an effort to do something. important. & i thought about how i was wasting my life. i feel like i'm wasting my life. all this wasted time. what's it all coming to? nothing. not a thing. i think of everything i've done & wonder why continuing education is so important, even though i know deep inside that it's vital for me. i just don't think it's vital for me here. will i find a place where i can star?

i need to make some tapes. i need to remaster some bootlegs. i would really like to confess my life to my cousin but he's lurking. there's fake snow on my desk. how.. superficial.

"is it christmas yet?"

"can we at least get past thanksgiving first?"