maybe this is more pure.
pure than simple.
(maybe this is all i have for home)
an excerpt from a mail i sent on
24 october 1998.
i'm going to switch gears for a minute and talk about water. i love it. i think if i lived anywhere else, i would be there. but i've told you this already. i've been a swimmer ever since i could first breathe.. for me, the water is like a large blanket, or a hug from someone you've been aching to hug but didn't exactly know it until you hugged them. i guess it's something fetal, perhaps, reminders of the womb.. but i haven't felt safe inside myself for a while, and that's where i find my peace.
someone asked me once what it was that i would like to look back on my life and say that i accomplished. it's communication. i wish to revise, revisit & remain. but without constant fluxation. i sound like such a freak. :) i'm just trying to keep things interesting, no?
so i'm feeling.. hm.. weird. lethargic almost sounds like the right word, but i don't know if it works. i feel like crying. i don't know why. i shouldn't listen to this rusted root song though. it's too sad/beautiful & it makes me think of how lacking i seem to be. <shrug> sometimes i really don't like thinking of what i am, who i am, who i've become or who i'm becoming. i wish you were online so i could whine. but it's only nine over there. you're probably dead asleep. sigh. i think i'll go lie down for a minute and hug my pillow.
