i'm standing on the rooftop, shouting out.
baby..
i'm ready to go.
[18 november 1998]
so i guess now that it's officially tomorrow, i can update this page. heh. i typed until my hands were cramped today. funny thing is that my wrists don't seem to get sore much. whooooa instant messanger is flipping out.
i wrote this down for some reason: "mega man bad angel find communication within your own words." uh. what in fuck does that mean. i know a lot of it has to do with jessa stuff (mega man sticker, booth & the bad angel).. but the communication part? i guess that's in my brain. i going to start writing down the words i see in my dreams. i like that concept. i really need to focus on that more often.
i have also written down "speak with your eyes." you know, i'm trying. my eyes say so much more than anyone's words sometimes.. you're just never looking. no one's really ever looking for that. but i make a point out of focusing with my eyes. speaking with my eyes. letting my eyes show what i'm really feeling. <scruches> you feel nice.
so i think one reason i rely on the word is because of my eyes.. & other people. others don't read my eyes the way i want them to. i wish you could look into my eyes, (yes, you) & see exactly what i'm thinking accented with this focus in my eyes. "do i want want what she is or do i hate to be her?" was that a slip up? or purposeful?
the thing that kills me about this is that You Cannot See My Eyes. i'm doing my best to represent them here as much as possible, but there's only so much one can do.
(a message for me. a message. pop the top open it what do you see? you don't see anything. it's a word. read into it. read in between it. read around it find the subtleties, the subtitles, the subtext. i called jonny up & i said "these are the thing that i'd like to forget.")
that was random. hi. back to save the universe. my god, i immersed myself in radiohead today.
question of the day: where are You going? where? hmm?
tell me how insane it was. go on. be a good little girl. tell me. <echo>even though i'm lazy, i still care a lot about the people around me. i care. despite the indifference, despite the ability to through my emotions into newman lake, it's all in here, baby. it's all riiiiight in here. "sometimes you need a little in here. in here, i said, girls show me in here, show me that hand, show me that little devil. i believe i believe."
hi. </rant> mm. partner in lethargy, i can feel your veins.
