you crass bad ass.
31 march 1999.
you stupid steriod fuck.

everyone goes to sleep so goddamn early. why is this, boys & girls? i need to email my adviser & tell her the news. oh, it's SUCH grand news, isn't it!

i spoke to polina about this (the news) earlier today. i ADORE her. she's one of those people who you cannot help but respect, love & adore in every way. i wonder what people say about me when they say, "oh, yeah, i was talking to blue." "oh, blue? the one from /in/fathomless? she's _______."

i ask my friends what they say about me behind my back. they always seem realy hesitant to tell me. why is that? i'm just curious. just pretend i'm not here. then i'll hear.

ready? get set.. %__begin flux.

i miss my best friend so much. i mean, fuck. i miss her so much. so much. i don't know what else to say. i want to be around her & listen to the things she's saying. i can already tell that she's changed. but haven't we both? i just miss her. everyday. but she's constant. & i love her everythings unrelentlessly. siiiigh.
i'm always, it seems, separated from the ones i love.

for Comparison's sake, it's somewhat like having an unknown pain in your head. you're not sure where it's coming from, but it's possessing you, taking over thoughts, actions, motions. you can take a reliever, you can numb the ache. you can appease it for a short time.. but it's always really there. dull.
just look into my eyes.

they are the window to the soul. i said that. like i said our conscience is the voices of the dead, protecting us from the secrets they learned too late.

subconscious [i just don't feel the same]

dangerous.

liasons.