scattered seas.

it's true. not like you do.

eruh~! i hate it when i think someone's upset with me.. & i can't get in touch with them.. guhh.

it's cold. my toes are cold & smelly. i should do something. i should do something. like what? i don't know, something. just something. what am i talking about? i feel like i'm stuck in a cave & not being able to get out. what the heck? hello. </fairytale>

i'm crawling. i'm down on my hands & knees climbing down the hill to your window. to your basement. it's dirty & there are plants where small monsters could easily hide. see their red beady eyes? i can feel the likeness sliding up the back of my neck, slippery slime in & through my dependencies. don't. don't open the door. the patio is brick when it used to be cement. when did this happen? i'm drawing my nail on the glass. squuueeeee. through like melted butter. this is still the same, grainy grey floor. cold on my dirt fingers. the broken mattress are stacked on top of each other. still springy. the boxes are stacked against the wall, smelling of cedar & must. splinters in my fingers scale the stairs. thhhhhtt. the kitchen tile is cracked & the glass in the nook windows need cleaning. i could easily run my shirt over the pane.. give me a reason. the railings separating the living room & kitchen are falling apart, gnawed at, sawdust on my chair. this was the beginning? you're sprawled out by the fire place. i climb over the couch cushions, flimsy & spouting cushion onto the floor. i want to reach out & grab your hand but your grandmother's rocking chair is in the way. push it away it only comes back. please reach further. my knees are burned raw. please get up. can you at least speak something? the wood is touching your bare feet. your hands are raised over your head, over your eyes. i can't see. i can't tell the expression on your face other than the look of horror on your mouth. darling, let me cradle you in this rocking chair i hate, let me breathe the fire back into your hearth. please.. get up. i didn't come all this way, i didn't leave a trail of me to see you like this. get up.

{did you realize no one can see inside of you.}