[5 december 1998]

it's heavier than happiness.

sleep it off? yesh, that would be grand. thank you. jay just signed off & on. i wonder if he's afk or playing video games or just silly.

no, i don't want you for your money. you would have laughed very, very hard at me last night. no, i'm not kidding. i sang. i was outside at chandler sitting on a table (i started on the grass but it got way chilly), just writing & this boy comes up behind me & starts playing the guitar. he was there for awhile. he just played some original stuff & a couple oasis licks. i wanted to hit him over the head with it when he played wonderwall. he killed it. but one of his friends came, attempted to sing {slaughter} "don't look back in anger" & left. thank god. then i decided that it was time for me to do some a cappella. don't Ask how that happened, but i found myself dancing & singing all over the grass. it was great. i had to clock myself in the throat a couple times to keep going (karate chops, you know the deal). interesting.

give me trust & faith & all the things i had. i'm stained all through my insides.

i like indie records. indie labels. indie bands. indie girls. indie boys. you know who bothers me? the wankers who live below us who blast alice in chains & play along with super heavy distortion.

audrey's sick. get better soon, audreybunnee. <wave>

sing it on your way home.

i wouldn't want to disa-disappoint you.

i want to burn the letters that i wrote you.
over the phone today it felt like you were fading.
losing interest and ready to leave
here i am thinking you were sent to save me.


i've had 89 days of Alcatraz.
silly me, thinking it was over. 89 days of losing my mind.
silly, silly me. silly, silly me.


so i keep walking, keep walking,
singing sometimes
feeling like a shit 'cause
i know what's happening.
investing like a rich girl,
gambling like a Vegas idiot
putting out where i haven't much before.


you don't know who you got yourself into.
you don't know, you don't know at all.
you don't know who you got yourself into.
you don't know, you don't know.
you don't know, you don't know.

i've had 89 days of Alcatraz.
silly me, thinking it was over.
89 days of losing my mind.
silly, silly me. silly, silly me.