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journalizing. [14 december 1998] it's going to be sudden. you're speaking words to me that are in a language only you & i understand. i cover my ears. i don't want to hear it. stop the crowds, the stories hurling themselves at my feet. enough. i want you to go away. i don't think you're worth it. i don't know how to make your eyes fall back towards your forehead, make the hairs on the back of your neck stand straight up like little soldiers saluting your fear. do you feel it sifting through your veins like cold blood, forcing its way into your brain, through your fingertips.. you can't shake it out, can you? get away from me. i don't want anything to do with you. i don't want anything to think about. i don't want you here. get away. you make me sick. you make me vile & ugly. because it's not my voice i hear before i close my eyes, it's not my hands i feel, it's not the warmth of the water in the shower. it's fucking with me. it's fucking with my head. i Could be, you know. i could. it's dark blue fading to purple.. it fades down to a turquoise teal shade & hops right into a yellowing tint.. sort of like lemonade. it backs off into a darker peach orange-ish & growls into a deep but not powerful red. mm. then you hit the mountains & it's all over. i'm going to go sit underneath it until it's dark. ... .. you stop the cry .. {.. i just smiled and lost control ..} .. the stress and the tension.. .. i'm sorry that i lost control .. speak to me. |
.. white wine and sleeping pills .. .. help me get back to your arms .. .. cheap sex and sad films .. .. help me get back where i belong .. .. i think you're crazy, maybe .. .. i think you're crazy, maybe .. .. stop sending letters .. .. letters always get burned .. .. it's not like the movies .. .. they fed us on little white lies .. .. i think you're crazy, maybe .. .. i think you're crazy, maybe .. .. i will see you in the next life .. .. beautiful angel .. .. pulled apart at birth .. .. limbless and helpless .. i can't even recognize you .. .. i think you're crazy, maybe .. .. i think you're crazy, maybe .. .. i think you're crazy, maybe .. .. i think you're crazy, maybe .. .. i think you're crazy, maybe .. .. i think you're crazy, maybe .. .. i will see you in the next life .. |
