[20 november 1998]

i want a ticket to anywhere.

someone.. please shove a knive through my back because it really hurts. i'm very worried. all about people who's names have the same letter. gaaaah.

i'll drown my beliefs. i just spent the last hour sobbing. uncontrollably. why? i'm just lonely. heh. i hope erin doesn't come home tonight -- not that i don't love her, it's just that i feel like shit & i don't want to snap at her. i'm thinking of calling my dad & having him come get me this weekend & screwing school. sigh. fuck, i could have come home Last friday. bloody 'ell.

i'm listening to a very beautiful song. but it makes me sob like.. bloody hell. i keep hearing sounds that remind me of home. someone walking upstairs, lady plunking down in front of the door leading to the basement steps. aud says i'm homesick. maybe i am. maybe i'm just familiarity-sick. or complexity sick. when i go home, i'm going to ride the metro into d.c. & Watch.. maybe i'll convince adam to spend some time with me.. hah. nah.

i want a ticket to home.