if i could be wasting my time.

25 february 1999.

i'm up & i'm down.

i can't see through the lights. if you think i'm kidding, ask me what that figure is over there. couldn't tell you if i lied. spin me around, turn me over. pick me up by the waist & throw me over your shoulder, go on.

i can't talk to you. if you think i'm kidding, ask me anything. i won't be able to answer. why why why? wait a minute. you don't seem to understand, i don't think. i can't answer you. i don't know the answer & even if i did, i wouldn't rest my chin on my fists, look upwards & spill my guts.

then what would i have left inside?

yeah. i keep falling over i keep passing out when i see a face like you. okay that's a lie. but i did throw up. i had to leave, you see. it would have been wrong for me to sit in the middle of that theatre & continue to suck oxygen while [you] walked around. if you see her. i almost forgot to pick myself up. tell her it's over now. if you watch her.

there's an incredible void.
how can that be?
i don't know.
you didn't even get to lie down.
what's the point? i'm still tired. i'm always tired.
perhaps you should rest.
i don't think that's a good idea. it will just be time to get up the next time i open my eyes.
you're not looking at things very clearly, i don't think. when you sleep, you dream. when you sleep, your body relaxes. your conscious self takes a breather & let's something totally different dominate.
sigh.
yes, i know i'm right. sleep well.

stretch.

yawn.