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Cold War Dog Fight
The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race
realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were
going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and
decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They
would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the
world and which ever side's dog won would be entitled to
dominate the world.
The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler
female dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest
Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest
puppy from each litter, removed his siblings which gave him all
the milk. After five years came up with the biggest meanest
dog the world had ever seen.
Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and
nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up
with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund.
Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there
was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with
the Russian dog.
When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's
cage and slowly waddled over towards the Russian dog. The Russian
dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged the American
dachshund. But, when it got close enough to bite the Dachshund's
neck, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and consumed the Russian
dog in one bite.
There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.
The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in
disbelief. "We don't understand how this could have happened.
We had our best people working for five years with the meanest
Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest
meanest Siberian wolves."
"That's nothing", an American replied. "We had our best plastic
surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look
like a Dachshund."
Comrade Rudolph
A Russian couple was walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining" he
said to his wife.
"No, that felt more like snow to me" she replied.
"No, I'm sure it was just rain" he said.
Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument
about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then, they saw a
minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not
fight about it", the man said, "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether
it's officially raining or snowing."
As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph,
is it officially raining or snowing?"
"It's raining, of course!" he replied, and walked on.
But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!"
The man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear...
