The children in the small town of Vanceboro, North Carolina, were playing in the streets as the first snow they had seen in many years began to fall to the ground. It was a beautiful snow...mystical and magical, not your ordinary type of snow either. No this ,my friends,was Christmas snow. And it was with this Christmas snow, that a large group of children thought it would be a good idea if they made a snow man. And they did. He was a jolly ol' snowman too. He was huuuuuuugggee and very very fat as well. The children loved the snowman so much, they gave it a lovable name like Sammy.
Sammy the Snowman was his name, and his title. Since there was so little snow he was, a matter of fact, the ONLY snowman to come out of Vanceboro on this particular day. (This saddened the Jim Bob Squad when we attempted to make our own snowman later in the day. We instead ended up with Smokey the Manure Man..) Now as can be expected, it wasn't too long before a man came along wearing a magical hat which are very trendy this time of year. As could also be expected, it wasn't too long before the magical hat wound up on Sammy the Snowman's head.
All of a sudden, Sammy the Snowman came to life and started dancing and singing! The children rejoiced. The man who had lost his magic hat cried his eyes out until they froze, and were cracked open by a hammer weilding escaped convict. Sammy the Snowman was suddenly the life of Vanceboro! Children started playing with him all the time, wanting him to play all kinds of games with them. And at first he was excited that he was loved.
However....one day...it got too much for him. From sun up to sun down and sometimes even at night, all these snot nosed kids wanted to play with him. They never thought about Sammy the Snowman's feelings. Or his goals. They could have at least built him a nice Snowwoman to keep him company couldn't they? But did those greedy little children think of that? Did they do that? NO. So one evening as the sun begin to set, Sammy the Snowman snuck on a train to Mexico and he arrived (pardon the pun) dead on time the next morning. As the box car ...um...runner person inspected the coach all they saw was a huge puddle of water. They wondered what had melted.
The children in Vanceboro were all saddened when they awoke the next morning. They all wondered where there little friend was. They took him for granted, and now they miss him dearly. If only they had once given back to him instead of just taking, taking, taking. But now he's dead...and so is this Christmas story.
I hope you've enjoyed the tale of Sammy the Suicidal Snowman. And understand the Christmas messages portrayed in it, because I sure as heck don't. But until you do, have a merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
tHe EnigmA's International House of Spam Cakes
