When one is faced with a decision in life, one must eventually choose which direction he or she shall go. Trivially speaking, such is the case with career moves, education, marriage, having kids, abortion, where to live, whom to associate with, and so on. But probably one of the most controversial, paradoxical, and difficult choices that a person faces is a choice to believe. A choice of perception and philosophy. A choice of "path." Home… Are ye to be, or not to be?

    Growing up in a small midwestern town, I never really had much choice. I lived in the country and did not get to go into town much, so I wasn’t even aware of most of the big world that was out there waiting for me for the longest time. In fact, in my opinion, I am still unaware of that big world out there that is waiting for me. However that all changed in the fall of 1997.

    I think I have stated before that I think that there might be one thing that is sometimes more powerful than love, and/or more powerful that sexual drive. That is the foundation of one’s belief systems. Are you a Christian? Are you a Buddhist? Are you Islamic? Are you a Jew? These are all labels that we as a mass society use to identify people. Some despise others, which is a form of inner-discrimination, no matter how nicely one may try to put it. We are all children of "God," and there is no question to that. But are we truly going in the right "direction" towards God?

    I have a dear friend whom is a faithful member of the Apostolic Church – a branch of the Pentecostals in Christianity. We have many good times together, and we will carry on conversations for hours straight when we get to talking and philosophizing. One thing that he tells me that continues to amaze him with me is my intent. My intent is so pure and clear that I am striving for God to do all things unto him to the best of my abilities. And that I have a love for God and my compassion that I express others is exceedingly great. My heart may seem so true, yet I am wrong. My study and belief of the many multiple doctrines out there in the world causes my soul to be weighed down with great sin. Although I don’t think such is the case, I am not denying it.

    A thought occurred to me today, one that inspired me to write this paper. When one is faced with such a heavy decision of what to believe and what not to believe, there are many factors that influence the person. Validity of "truth," reputation, social value/acceptance, is there something wrong with me? Which is the real way? Since I live in a predominantly Christian society, I can unfortunately only base my experience upon my interaction with the Christians. I was wondering why it was that the choice of what to believe and what not to believe was so difficult. Not only do one’s beliefs make up one’s character, but also there are people tugging at the same character when he is down with no build. When we are lapsed in turmoil and inner confusion is when we are the weakest, like newborn infants. Scare Tactics. Maybe not directly, but in many subtle ways. Infants are startled by things that we as adults would consider insignificant or not dangerous. They tell you to search your heart, and if you do, you will find that their way is the only way. But let me move in a little closer to see what exactly these scare tactics can do.

    Scare tactics are basically fear grenades. In a dualistic notion, love is the goodguys, and fear is the badguys. Love builds up strength, where fear saps it. Love gives one a sense of comfort and security, where fear increases the urgent need for protection. Fear counterbalances love, and vice versa. Love has the capability of integration whereas fear has the capability of disintegration. When we are as infants in grown bodies, we see a LOT of things to be afraid of! We are confused (lack of integrity), we feel vulnerable (lack of protection), and we feel very weak – sometimes even physically weak (lack of strength). To venture to the other side of the valley, you must go down to the deepest, darkest areas of all of humanity and your self. You cannot replace a foundation of a building without taking out the old one, and even then your house or apartment will collapse. It is a natural, yet somehow divine challenge. Do you have the sanity and the stability to do what it takes to believe?

    Since fear dissipates all previous notions, feelings of the heart/soul, and it only places a strong need for security inside of them, then of course they are going to feel that there is only one way! And that is "their" way of course. It is often not the heart (with some due exceptions), but it is a dispute between the heart, the conscious and the subconscious mind, and the soul! Since most people live off of their subconscious desires and conscious decisions, most people are going to go back for the need of security; they are going to agree and get the hell outta that dark place, and with rightful cause! To be honest with you, I could have just as easily discarded all of spirituality and thought of it to be devil worship as I could have made the choice to walk to the other side. Also, now that I do think about it, there is a lot of conflict and potential conflict within the whole of Christianity itself; with the new age of technology and computers and communications, diversity is much more heated than what it was in the past when there were no means of instant communication with the other side of the world. I have gone now in search to find my own answers, and to trust in my own mind, body and spirit to make the best of choices. I figure that I have enough of my own self-integrity to keep myself satisfied as well as driven. In the church, you have a unique mix of integrity and sin.

    Although I am never going to say to you that I know the answers. I do not "know" anything as far as life beyond death, existence and depth beyond nature and it’s 4 dimensions. I do not "know" if we only live and die once or if we die many times throughout all of eternity. I only believe in such issues, I do not know. I can not know, and even if I could and did know, would people re-structure their beliefs just because I profess to know some factual truth? Take a look down at this world we live in and note that that is hardly the case.

    I keep an ultimately open mind. I do not have anything against one culture or set of beliefs. I do judge yes, but I know that my judgement is also my limitation at times; even still, however, I do not hold pre-case judgement upon anyone or any group when it comes down to soul to soul interaction. I only wish others would follow in these footsteps that I have made.

    Consider all things. Judging may be inevitable, but just don’t hold grudges. To do so is just one of the many things that will limit you to be a finite being. Do not condemn. Do not scare. Do not drive with fear. Do not let yourself or another be afraid. Drive with love. Give them comfort and hugs, but let them choose. It is their desire, their drive; it is not your life to live, not some finite, and at times mythical God that is trying to tell them what to do and what not to do, nor is it Satan tricking them into his domain. It is their life… …and it is their free will….

    Peace be unto you, and go with God. Amen.