A blur of realities be I in. What's right and what's wrong? What's valid and what's not? I think sometimes that I
try to bond physical and spiritual reasoning together, and I must realize that this just cannot be done with the knowledge
or abilities that I currently have. Among them, this is one of the biggest problems on my quest.
     Logicality was always one thing that I could cling reliably onto in this world. Now that I've taken a turn for
the better, I've found out the hard way that the logic system within me must be shut down before I can enter and attempt to
achieve my spiritual goals; unfortunately, this makes me vulnerable to a lot of unknown territory. My only defense is
my heart and inner being.
     Thus I get feelings of doubt or unsureness in my actions whenever my logic unit comes back on. My only source of
information comes from others that are experienced in this field. Lately, fate has began to torture me like a voodoo
doll; my parents are attempting to push my bedtime back further and further. Their excuse is that I'm abusing my
rights; I don't understand. There are many things that seem to be gnawing away contentedly at my being now too. College
tensions, national testing centers, my "quest", school work, miscellaneous arts and activities that I've gotten myself
involved in, it's all a big mess when I look at it from above. Lately I've cried a lot more than what I used to; I
guess it's just because there's no other way to vent my frustrations/anxieties/doubts.
     I must remember what I know is true... but from where? Which plane do I operate in? In the past I believed it
possible to operate in both at the same time, but now I'm not so sure anymore. It's good to hold on to one's physical
integrity, but at the same time it's also good to expand and learn a deeper spirituality; these are two things that I
cannot do at once; I've learned this the hard way and I'm still learning it.
     And I'm still lost in the dark clouds of turmoil. I must keep my flight direct and straight. Turning in different
directions only makes my situation worse, like being lost in a cornfield. I'm trying ever so diligently to keep the
faith... and my direction.