It’s All Coming Back To Me Now

“Ms. Timberlake, call on line three.” Amy’s secretary called to her as she walked by her office. Amy picked up the receiver and placed it to her ear.

“Hello, Amy Timberlake speaking,” Amy greeted sweetly.

“Morning, Amy,” the voice said a little less chipper. Amy knew who it was immediately. After being married for four years to him, just so he could leave giving no reason to why.

“Hello, Justin, what can I do for you,” her voice flat.

“I wanted to see you,” his voice was filled with hope, ”for lunch maybe.”

“Why?”

“Can’t I call my wife and ask to have lunch with her?”

“First off, Justin, no you can’t. Second, it’s EX-wife now. Remember? You left. No explanation, you didn’t think about how I would take it, nor did you contact me for eighteen and a half months… you didn’t even send me the divorce papers.”

“Amy, please, I need to talk with you. And the reason why I didn’t file for divorce is because… I still love you.

“Then why did you leave?” she was met with silence. She sighed and continued, “Justin, didn’t you get enough of my pleading about why you left, when you broke my heart?”

Silence.

“Déja vous. Me asking why, and yet getting no answers.”

“I’m dying,” her heart skipped a few beats.

“What?”

“I have a cancer, and it’s gotten bad.”

“Why are you telling me this? How long have you…” she trailed off tears forming in her eyes.

“I’ve have it for about two years now. The reason I left was because I couldn’t handle the fact that you were going to watch me die. I thought you had the right to know, and I found out the other day that it’s spreading rapidly. I wanted to explain before it’s too late.”

“You should have told me sooner.” Amy managed to choke out after a few seconds. She was heartbroken when he left her, but she was devastated now. He was dying.

“I know. But I couldn’t let you watch me die. And…” he trailed off quietly.

“And what?” Amy was worried as hell.

“Can you meet me for lunch?”

“Um, yeah sure. What time?” Amy swallowed the knot in her throat that was slowly rising.

“Noon-thirty. The Starbucks by the house.”

“I’ll see you there. Goodbye, Justin.”

“Bye, Amy, I love you.” He hung up before she could reply.

“I love you too.” Amy whispered, hanging up the phone.

Around twelve twenty-three Amy sat in Starbucks drinking a French vanilla ice cap. Waiting. She was too sick to her stomach to eat anything. She could barely drink her ice cap without vomiting on the spot.

At twelve thirty-nine she was getting antsy. He was ten minutes late. ‘What if something bad happened? No. Don’t think that way, Amy. He’s fine.’ Looking out the window and sighed. ‘I hope.’

Justin walked out of his house and to his car. He was running about five minutes late for his lunch date with Amy. ‘Nah. I’ll walk it’s not too for away; and traffic would hold me back.’

At twelve forty-one, Justin reached the cross walk. When the sign indicated that he could walk across the street he stepped onto the street. He started to jog across the street. He could see her in the window drinking something. ‘Probably an ice cap,’ he smiled at the thought. As he took the last step onto the sidewalk the sign changed and a truck sped forward- hitting him head-on. He had just stepped onto the sidewalk when a large, black truck hit him.

Amy took a sip of her ice cap, and looked at her watch, twelve forty-one. ‘Ten minutes and then I’m leaving.’ She decided as she turned toward the window. She saw him running across the street. She smiled at him when he reached the sidewalk. But then her world stopped.

“Oh my God!” she sputtered out. Jumping from her seat, she ran outside. He lay on the sidewalk, not moving. She ran by his side, but was pushed back by a paramedic who had been only a few feet away from the scene.

The funeral was a blur. One big, black, morbid, tearful blur. It had been two years since the fateful day, and three years since he left Amy.

Amy had quit her job as a lawyer, and became a writer. She was the most popular author with adults and most young adults- under Stephen King that is. Amy was lying in bed asleep, but not dreaming. It was mid-October, and Orlando was burning with stuffy heat. The air-conditioner wasn’t helping any- only making the house cold. But not a good old- more like a false, frozen, lethal cold. At night Amy slept with the window open.

A heavy breeze came in, making Amy shiver. Another gust of wind came in and she woke from her dreamless slumber. Amy got up and looked in the mirror. She saw that she wasn’t dreaming, but had in fact woken up.

When another breeze come in she jumped slightly as the coldness chilled her body. She has almost forgotten Justin. Justin was pushed back in her mind, and changed her name back to her maiden name. And moved across town.

After Amy closed the French, glass door that lead on to the balcony, she turned around and looked at the clock. Midnight. A small chill went up her spine, and she turned around to see what cause it. A blonde blur exited the room. ‘I’m imagining things.’ She concluded and went back to bed. There was a soft noise outside, it was the wind that had chilled her earlier before.

There were nights when the wind was so cold

That my body froze in bed

If I just listened to it

Right outside the window

There were days when the sun was so cruel

That all the tears turned to dust

And I just knew my eyes were Drying up forever

I finished crying in the instead that you let

And I can’t remember when or where or how

And I banished every memory you and I had ever made

Amy rolled over and looked at the bedside clock. Two thirty. ‘It’s two thirty in the morning and I can’t sleep.’ Sighing she got out of bed and put on her robe. Walking down stairs to make her a cup of coffee. When she reached her destination, she turned on the coffee maker and put Irish Cream coffee bean in it.

Amy took her freshly made cup of hot coffee into the den. When she entered the den she froze. He was there. Shocked, she dropped her coffee. When the mug hit the floor and shattered. Amy looked down at it, startled. When she looked back up, he was gone.

‘I’m going crazy.’ Amy thought with a small sigh of relief and confusion. She turned around to get a towel to clean up the mess before it stained her newly finished wood floors.

Amy walked into the kitchen and opened the draw the dishcloths were located. She grabbed one, but dropped it when someone, or something that felt like a cold hand, touched her shoulder. She spun around, but nobody was there.

After cleaning the mess, Amy went upstairs with another mug of coffee. When she reached her room she opened the small safe located on the top shelf if her closet, and pulled out the familiar blue-green book, with bold black and silver writing on the front.

Opening the book and setting it on her bed, she started flipping through the pages, looking closely at each picture. It was the photo album he gave her on their six-month dating anniversary. She filled it with pictures of them. She had looked at it when he left her and when he died.

Amy stopped at the picture of him holding her. It was taken on their one-year dating anniversary, five minutes before he had to cancel their date because his stepfather had paged him indicating his mother had gone into labor.

But when you touch me like this

And you hold me like that

I just have to admit

That it’s all coming back to me

When I touch you like this

And I hold you like that

It’s so hard to believe but

It’s all coming back to me

(It’s all coming back; it’s all coming back to me now)

There were moments of gold

And there were flashes of light

There were things I’d never do again

But then they’d always seemed right

There were nights of endless pleasure

It was more than any laws allow

Baby, Baby

Amy looked through the several pictures. There were pictures of them kissing, whispering in each other’s ears, and pictures of him and her smiling- being happy and loving. ‘It’s gone. Was gone. It was gone. It’s returning. All the memories; happy and sad. And I can’t stop it this time.’ Amy thought slightly scared.

If I kiss you like this

And if you whisper like that

It was lost long ago

But it’s all coming back to me

If you want me like this

And if you need me life that

It was dead long ago

But it’s all coming back to me

It’s so hard to resist

And it’s all coming back to me

I can barely recall

But it’s all coming back to me now

But all coming back

Amy looked through the many pictures that were in her scrapbook she made for him for their two-year wedding anniversary. He had left it in a box marked ‘Amy’ in his apartment. When his mother went through it she sent the box to Amy, saying it was her box of memories of Justin and not his mothers.

In the book there was a large time gap between a small sections of pictures. That gap was there because they had separated for about three and ¾ months. They had lied to each other and then hurt one another even worse. Amy had forgotten after they had got back together. But now the reason was returning to her conscience.

Justin had slept with another woman to get back at Amy for kissing his friend while she was drunk. But, Amy only hurt him worse when she went to Europe to study some paintings for an art class.

‘But, he is gone now. I can’t hold him and tell him I’m sorry. And I can’t forgive him for leaving me. Nor can he hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright when I have a bad day, or if I get in a fight with somebody.’ Amy was strong again, and never spent any of her time thinking about Justin. However, tonight was an exception. She didn’t know why but she needed him. She couldn’t have him because he was rotting six feet under the earth’s soil, but she needed to see him and hear his calming voice. She needed him now more than ever.

Amy put in a videocassette of them into her VCR and pushed play. His blond curly head popped on the television screen.

There were those empty threats and hollow lies

And when ever you tried to hurt me

I just hurt you even worse

And so much deeper

There were those house that just went on for days

When alone at last we’d count up all the chance

That were lost to us forever

But you were history with the slamming of the door

And I made myself so strong again somehow

And I never wasted any of my time on you since then

Amy slowly touched the TV screen and closed her eyes when Justin came on. The tears in her eyes were painfully stinging the back of her eyelids. When she opened them she and him were on the screen talking, laughing, and then Justin’s lips grazed hers.

Amy watched as her cousin scolded them for doing that on camera. Justin and his best friend, Chris, and his fiancée were playing some game when and her friend, Anya, walked inside from checking on the dogs. It was odd how all of this was filmed on one little tape.

The screen went black and Amy stopped the tape. After turning off the television, she put everything backing the box and returned the box to the safe in her closet.

But if I touch you like this

And if you kiss me like that

It was so long ago

But it’s all coming back to me

If you touch me like this

And if I kiss you like that

It was gone with the wind

But it’s all coming bake to me

(It’s all coming back; it’s all coming back to me now)

There were moments of gold

And there were flashes of light

There were things we’d never do again

But than they’d always seemed right

There were nights of endless pleasure

It was more than any laws allow

Baby, Baby, Baby

When you touch me like this

And when you hold me like that

It was gone with the wind

But it’s all coming back to me

When you see me like this

And when I see you like that

Then we see what we want to see

All coming back to me

The flesh and the fantasies

All coming back to me

I can barely recall

But it’s all coming back to me now

Amy looked at the clock. Six thirty-six am. The sun was rising. And Amy was getting dressed for work. She was meeting with her publisher in half an hour. Pushing all thoughts of Justin away from her mind, she grabbed her keys and left.

That evening Amy drove across town to her and Justin’s old house. She never sold their home, because she felt as though she would be betraying Justin’s memory.

Amy pulled a small book bag out of her car and then went inside the once lively house. Walking into the empty bedroom they had always said would belong to their child- that is if they were ever blessed with one. Not knowing whether or not she’d have a child, they never bought furniture for the medium sized room.

She pulled out a piece of paper, her wedding ring, and a small box full of pictures. “Goodbye, Justin. I am truly sorry for all the pain I caused you. And I forgive you for all the hurt I conflicted in your life,” Amy whispered softly, putting the ring on her left hand.

Amy went down stairs and looked around the den. Pulling out her laptop she began typing feverishly. After seven straight hours and thirty-six chapters long chapters later, Amy reached the half way mark of her story. She was telling her and her late husband’s story. It was now a little past three am, and Amy was curled up on the couch asleep.

A loud noise form upstairs awoke Amy with a start. She padded up the carpeted stairs and into the room she had been in only hours before. In the room many purple, lavender scented candles were lit, casting dim shadows on the pale yellow walls.

However, Amy didn’t notice that the candles- that she did not light- were there, only the lone figure that stood in the center of the dozen or so candles.

“Justin?” Amy whispered softly.

“Shhhh…” was all he replied. The fact the he was there and he replied shocked her.

“Justin, I-“ she tired to choke out, but failed. Trying once more she took a step forward and inhaled deeply- lavender filling her senses. “Justin, I-I…”

“I love you, Amy.” He paused and looked up at he ceiling, than back at Amy. “I love you, but I must leave. And you need to move on. You think you have but you have yet to do that.”

Before Amy could reply, Justin disappeared with in a bat of an eyelash. A letter and a picture in the middle on the room where he stood only moments before were all that was left in the softly lit room.

Reading the letter brought tears to her green eyes. He accepted her apology and apologized for his own foolish mistakes that were made so long ago, causing her once brightly lit up life to crumble.

If you forgive me all this

If I forgive you all that

We forgive and forget

And it’s all coming back to me

When you see me like this

&l