Chapter Fourteen

A week later

Everyone was gathered at Michelle's funeral. It was held in a fairly large church, St. Augustine's. It was a Sunday afternoon the day it was held, and the weather partly cloudy. The weather fit the mood of the mourners entering the church for the funeral ceremony.

Jana arrived with JC and their parents. They quickly spotted Joey, Chris, and Justin talking in a corner. All three of the guys looked devastated and saddened. Chris waved to JC and Jana and then continued talking to Justin and Joey.

Jana's eyes were red and puffy from her crying. She spotted Lance, seated alone on bench in the corner. He looked weary and distraught. He looks terrible, Jana thought with repentance. The dark bags under his eyes were visible. It was obvious that he hadn't slept for days. He looked thinner and paler. She excused herself from JC and walked over to Lance and sat down next to him.

"Hi," Jana said softly, giving him a weak smile.

Lance glanced at her numbly. "Hi," he mumbled his voice hollow and grave. He looked down at the floor without saying anything else.

"Lance, I am so sorry," Jana replied, hugging him.

Lance embraced her back, new hot tears filling up his eyes and falling down his cheek. Tears that he had held back for four days. "I miss her," he confessed, hugging Jana closer. "I can't sleep. I can't function. I might as well have been dead too."

"No, don't say that," Jana scolded, a shocked expression coming over her face. "Please don't say that ever again, Lance."

"Jana, she was a part of me," Lance responded, meaning it. "I can't take it anymore. I don't want to believe it. We were supposed to go to the prom together! I was going to take her. When I talk about her, it's in the past!" He sounded like he was going crazy.

"Lance," Jana comforted with widened eyes. "Please calm down. I think the ceremony is going to begin." Jana patted Lance on the shoulder. Then she left to rejoin the others. The pallbearers proceeded down the aisle, carrying Michelle's coffin. It was made of ivory with an engraved design all around it. The pallbearers placed the coffin down. Two of them lifted up the top of the coffin. There lay Michelle peacefully with her hands placed over her stomach.

Lance squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to see her. But he opened his eyes and saw her. She was lying there without a smile. Vomit churned in his stomach, slowing rising into his throat once more.

The priest presided over the ceremony. Time passed slowly. Then it was time for close friends and relatives of Michelle to say a few kind words on behalf of the deceased.

Mr. and Mrs. Samson stood up and walked to the podium, unable to look the crowd in the eye. Mr. Samson adjusted the microphone and started speaking. "Our daughter, Michelle, must have been…the most spirited, hard-working, and loving person I can think of…She filled our lives with happiness and joy every day. As you all must know…Michelle's guilt and shame was a result of our incapability to forgive. We have senselessly ended our daughter's life. To think that we will never see her again fills me with grief and anguish…We never stopped to think that Michelle would do something like this, or was even capable of doing this. Whenever she entered a room, it lit up. Her smile could warm the coldest of hearts…She was so successful. She was beautiful inside and out and she was uplifting and touched everyone in some way. She truly had a future, but now she will never be able to pursue it. This harsh reality hits Michelle's mother and I very hard…To think…to think that if we could only have been a little more open-minded, our daughter would still be alive today. This tragedy will haunt us for the rest of our lives and we deserve it. Michelle, wherever you are and if you can hear me, I am so sorry. I love you. Please forgive me…" He stopped, choking back his tears. "I wish she could be here to give me an answer. Thank you."

Then Mrs. Samson approached the microphone. As soon as she saw the crowd, she closed her eyes and shook her head, not wanting to give a eulogy. She burst into tears, not capable of uttering a word. Mr. Samson embraced her and they slowly walked to their seats. As they sat, Mrs. Samson was still sobbing uncontrollably.

Then it was Lance's turn to take the podium. He looked at Michelle briefly, who lay still in the coffin. A shadow came over his face. "What I'm about to say…comes straight from my heart." He looked at the crowd with his bloodshot eyes. "I…I first met Michelle when we were both freshmen in high school. I knew I liked her from the day I first talked to her. She was confident, smart, and fun. She was always smiling and encouraging people. We…we were really great friends throughout our high school years. It was only this year that I asked her out, and we started dating. I truly loved her…We were so close-" He shut his eyes and fought back his tears. "She…she made me very happy. I loved her and I still do. To lose her…words can't explain the greatness of the loss. Knowing that I'll never be able to see her…to hold her…to kiss her again, I feel like a part of me has left me. I'll never be able to take her to the prom, I'll never get to see her graduate, I'll never be able to see her go off to college…I'll never be able to see her beautiful smile again. If she can hear me right now…I'm so sorry that you had to do this to yourself Michelle. I wish you had realized that suicide wasn't the only way out. I would have been there for you and supported you because I loved you will all my heart…I just want to say that I am going to miss her so much…I'll never love anyone else as much as I loved her…and my heart stays with her forever." He mumbled a quiet thank you to the crowd as she stepped off from the podium.

As he walked back to his seat he looked around him. His eulogy had affected a large amount of people. Mr. Samson was crying himself. Lance slowly walked to his seat where his parents were seated and sat down next to them.

"Honey," Mrs. Bass said with watery eyes, "that was very heart-felt." She took his hand and squeezed it.

"I feel kind of better now," Lance admitted. "I went up there and I said what I felt. I wanted everyone to know what I felt for her."

"I know you did," Mrs. Bass said sympathetically. Lance watched as others spoke about Michelle. His mind wandered as he thought of Michelle and what it would be if she were still there. He waited patiently as her funeral ceremony ended. They would have to go to the graveyard to bury her next. He couldn't stand to watch that.