Chapter Fifteen

Early March

Lance stood in the middle of a field, which was surrounded with sunflowers. He held the picture of him and Michelle in his hands, looking at it. Suddenly, Michelle's face in the photo began to burn, and it faded away.. Lance dropped the picture, shouting in confusion. Then all around him, the sunflowers began to turn brown and burn-flames engulfing everywhere around him. Lance searched all around him for an exit. His eyes widened in fear as he saw Michelle's face illuminated in the flames. Her face was crying, and tears cascaded down her grieving beautiful face. She was calling to him. "Lance, help me please!" He reached towards the flames-

Lance woke up and quickly sat up in bed, breathing heavily. A cold sweat broke out. He was perspiring heavily, as if he had really been in flames. The room felt hot. He felt suffocated again. Lance sat up in shock, surrounded by the darkness. It was past midnight. He had had another dream-a nightmare-about Michelle. It was his first one in weeks. Several weeks ago he had been waking up continuously every night from his dreams. Michelle was haunting him. He pulled off the covers and walked over to his desk. He opened one of the drawers and pulled out the suicide letter. He unfolded it and read it. It was partially crumpled from all the times he had read it.

It had been several weeks since Michelle's death. He wasn't over her death yet. Lance couldn't get himself to eat healthy, and he had a lack of sleep. He would lose sleep almost every night thinking of her and dreaming of her.

He was still suffering because of his loss. He knew that he couldn't feel the same about life as he had before. Sorrow and guilty was eating him up. He couldn't bear living each day without Michelle, knowing the harsh truth-that she would never come back. He inhaled sharply, closing his eyes. He then opened his eyes and read her final words over and over…Please don't forget me…I love you… it wasn't your fault that this happened… He could almost hear her voice saying those exact words to him. He felt tired, empty, and depressed.

He knew that he would have to attend another dreadful day at school the following morning. He didn't want to go. He felt sick. He was sick. There was no doubt. Pain washed over him. He rushed back to his bed and fell onto it, hugging his pillow. He closed his eyes imagining that he was actually holding Michelle. He could picture her face, and hear her laughing.. He drifted off into sleep finally after seeing her comforting smiling face.

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Justin rose from his bed. It was Monday morning, and he was exhausted from the day before. He had gone out all day with his guy friends.. He hated Mondays with a passion. He got dressed and went downstairs. His Dad was downstairs, reading the newspaper and drinking his morning coffee.

"Mornin', Dad," Justin greeted, taking the seat next to his Dad. "Anything interesting in the paper?"

"Good Morning, Justin," Mr. Timberlake responded. He put down his paper and sipped his coffee. "Well, Justin, actually I have some news for you."

Justin gave his Dad a questioning look and picked up the cereal box which was already set on the table. He started pouring the Applejacks into his cereal bowl. "What news?"

"I know you aren't going to like this," Mr. Timberlake said with a sigh, "but we're moving."

"Moving?" Justin repeated with a gape. "Why? Where are we moving to?"

"I really don't want to have to do this again," Mr. Timberlake replied. "But I have a job promotion in New York, and it'll be better for us there-"

"New York!" Justin shouted. New York was where Gina lived. Ironically, they were moving there. "Not New York, anywhere but there…" Justin muttered, upset. "Couldn't we possibly move back to Tennessee at least?"

"Sorry, Jus."

"Dad!"

"You'll get used to it. I know you're used to California right now, but you will like it in New York. I think you'll grow fond of the atmosphere there too."

Justin groaned. Another reason to add to hating Monday mornings. He couldn't believe it. He didn't want to move. "I'll stay here. I'm almost eighteen."

"Don't be ridiculous," Mr. Timberlake hooted. "You are going with us, whether you like it or not."

"I want to stay and finish my senior year here!" Justin protested. "Look, it's not fair that you have to take me out of school just to move. I don't want to go to New York, end of discussion."

"What are the chances of you winning?" Mr. Timberlake taunted. "You can't…just live here!"

"Yes I can!" Justin retorted back. "I'm going to be eighteen in three months. You think I can't handle living here by myself? Or is it that you don't trust me?"

Mr. Timberlake passed Justin the milk carton. "It's neither of those reasons really," he replied. "You're still legally seventeen, so tough luck buddy. You are staying under your parent's roof-or crib-as you and your friends call it, until you are eighteen and off to college." He stood up with his coffee mug in his hand. As he passed Justin, to rinse out his mug, he gave him a noogie.

"Aahh, Dad! It took me ten minutes to fix my hair!" Justin complained, giving his dad an upset look.

Mr. Timberlake looked at his son's messed up curls and laughed. "Sorry," he answered. "I suggest that you redo your hair-" He looked at his watch. "With the remaining five minutes you have before you leave the house.."

Justin groaned irritably and stomped up the stairs. "My dad is soo weird," he muttered, flattening down his hair.

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School had just ended. Jana immediately spotted JC talking to another girl as he sat his jeep. She couldn't help but notice how cute he looked that morning. He had his suede leather jacket on and his hair was combed back, slicked with gel. Even his eyes stood out, with the same beautiful blue color that they were.

JC was flirting with the girl. Jana felt a twinge of envy inside of her. What is he doing here anyway? she wondered. He was parked inside of her school's parking lot, for some odd reason.

The girl JC was talking to left. Then JC looked Jana's way and saw her. He gave her a warm smile and Jana jogged over to where his window was. "Hey, JC." Jana grinned. "What are you doing here?"

"Uh…" He looked away from her quickly. "I was hoping that you'd be here today. I thought that maybe we could discuss things."

"What kind of things?" Jana inquired.

"You know…thing things…" JC mentally slapped himself in the head for saying that. "I mean where we stand now."

Jana stared at him. "What do you mean?" she responded. "You don't know where we stand JC? We're just friends!"

"Yeah, I know that," JC replied. "But-"

"Are you trying to get us back together?"

"No!" JC blurted out quickly, his face turning red. Why does she always accuse me of that? JC asked mentally. I just wanted to talk things over with her. He cleared his throat. "I was thinking that maybe I could take you to your prom."

Jana stiffened. "JC…" she started.

"As friends?" he asked. It was more of a plead. "That is, if anyone else isn't taking you."

"Sure, I've got lots of guys lined up for me!" Jana remarked sarcastically. She rolled her eyes. "I don't know, JC. I'll think about it."

JC chuckled. "All right," he said. "Hey, do you wanna grab a bite to eat? I can drop you off here after."

Jana was hesitant. I have homework…I have a test tomorrow…she thought. Should she go? JC was already unlocking the passenger side door. Jana exhaled and hopped into his car. Homework would just have to wait.

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It was a rainy Friday afternoon. Drop of rain fell outside Lance's window. The sky was filled with gray clouds. The weather was just plain desolate. Lance sat in his bedroom by the window, gazing out morosely. He watched as the rain trickled down the glass. He was home alone. His parents were still at work, and he was lonely out of his mind. He had refused the offer to go to the beach, and was thankful that he had reclined since it was pouring outside.

If Michelle was still here, we would be out on our usual Friday night date, he thought, resting his head down on the windowsill. He had to face it. He was still lovesick for her. He tried so hard to forget about everything, but he couldn't.

His friends had tried to take his mind off of her. He had been invited to parties and other events. They all made him think about Michelle.. He went to those events without her. Lance got up from the window seat and walked to his bathroom.

As he switched on the light, he gazed at his reflection in the mirror. A little better looking, Lance thought. But still I look like a wreck. Look at me. Look at what this did to me. Some of the color in his cheeks was evident, but he still looked dead. He reached for his medicine cabinet and pulled out several medicine bottles.

As he held one of the bottles in his hands, he sighed. "Right now, I want to be wherever Michelle is," he told himself. Sure, it was crazy. But life didn't matter to him anymore. What was life without her? He needed her. He would only be miserable without her, and he didn't need to go on feeling pain. Lance had waited months for his pain to ease, but it never left him. It haunted him, following him everywhere.

He couldn't tell anyone. They would only ruin it for him, making him go to counseling. His parents had suggested seeing a therapist a few months ago, and he had begged them no. He insisted that he would get through his grief by himself, taking it day by day. If anyone knew how he felt inside, they would force him to go to a therapist. He didn't want to.

Lance filled a plastic cup up with water and then set it down on the counter. Slowly, he uncapped the sleeping pills bottle. He hesitantly poured a few sleeping pills into the palm of his hand. He picked one up and stuck it down his throat, his hand trembling slightly. Lance swallowed the pill. These pills…they're going to help me, he thought, trying to convince himself. I just want to sleep. These will help me sleep. These will help me forget about everything. He drank down some of his water. Then he stuck another pill down his throat. Swallow. Then one more. Swallow. Then another pill. Swallow. He gulped down more water. It was becoming a temptation. The more pills he swallowed, the more he wanted to take. This is for Michelle, Lance thought, taking the pills. He couldn't control himself. He knew he should stop, but he found no real reason to not end his misery. The pills kept coming.

Suddenly, after a few minutes, Lance was starting to feel the effects of the medicine within him. His stomach felt aching and sore, and his head pounded. He felt dizzy. He opened his mouth to stick another pill inside but couldn't manage. Instead he opened his mouth to suck fresh air in. He fell to his knees and groaned weakly. His hand moved towards his stomach and clutched it. The pain in his body throbbed like a million knives stabbing him. He lay down slowly, the pain being unbearable.

Lance moaned as sharp lashes of pain bolted through his body. The medicine was definitely taking its effect. His grasp on the medicine bottle gave up and the contents fell to the ground. Oh no! I'm going to die. I'm going to be with Michelle very soon, Lance thought. He rolled over and cringed as more pain rushed within him. Maybe I shouldn't have done this…No…We'll be together again, and I'll leave this place. Lance gulped as a tear rolled down his cheek. It was a slow, painful process. I'm dying, Lance told himself. A small, faint smile crept onto his lips. He would soon be reunited with Michelle. Shortly after, his heart stopped beating.

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"He O.D.ed," Jana said in a whisper. It was happening all over again. First Michelle, then Lance. All of a sudden, suicide was thought to be the only escape from life. Why? Jana wondered. She lay in bed, hugging a pillow close to her.

She was just getting over Michelle's death, but was shocked to find out about Lance's own death. Everyone knew why he did it. It was only obvious. Lance had been miserable. After the period of locking himself up, he had gone out. That hadn't helped him one bit. He had immediately gone back to locking himself up in his room and repeated the whole process again.

Jana knew how shocked the guys were. His friends had been beyond appalled by Lance's death. They had lost one of their very best friends. Everyone liked Lance. He was a nice, cool guy. He got along with everyone. No one ever thought that he would kill himself.

Jana grabbed a pillow and held it close to her. The fact that two of her friends were dead didn't seem to comprehend into her head. It just seemed impossible that two lovers would do that to themselves.

Suddenly someone knocked on Jana's door. Jana quickly rolled over on her bed, murmuring, "Come in." She was definitely surprised to find JC standing in her doorway. "JC…hi," she replied, sitting up.

"Hi," he said, managing a weak smile. "Can I come in?"

She nodded mutely as he shut the door behind him. He slowly walked towards her. "Um, you're probably wondering what the heck I'm doing here, huh?" he asked her. "I know this was unexpected."

"Sort of." She looked down at the ground, speechless. Why was JC in her house in the first place? Wouldn't he rather be at home with his family, mourning over the loss of Lance? She tucked a strand of her behind her earlobe. JC sat down next to her on the bed.

"He really loved her, huh?" was all JC managed to say.

Jana nodded her head. "Yes," he answered in a hoarse tone. "He killed himself to be with her."

"It's a total shock," JC responded. "I can't get over it. I just can't. Lance is dead, Michelle is dead. They were crazy about each other and they loved each other so much." "I know." Jana started to cry at the mention of her two friends' names. JC then wrapped his arms around her as she sobbed. It was hard for them both. JC whispered soothing words into her ears. Jana cried into JC's chest, feeling the warmth and security. She hadn't felt that in ages, but it felt right.

She wiped a few tears away from her eyes. "We lost two good friends of ours," she choked out. "I miss them, JC. I want them to come back."

"I wish they could," JC agreed sadly. "But it happened, and they can't come back. Ever."

Jana looked up into his face. "But why!" she cried in a mask of anguish. "Why did they do it? They didn't have to! Why did it have to go this far?"

JC rubbed her back gently. "Shh, no, they didn't have to do it. What they did…It was completely selfish. They are making us suffer now by their deaths."

"I know how Lance felt now," Jana replied. "Lance was struggling. You could see it in his face. He needed her so much. I thought they were going to spend the rest of their lives together. You should have seen their bond, JC. They were so tight. It was like they were meant for each other, like soul mates."

JC nodded understandingly. "Yeah, I know what you mean," he said. JC knew exactly how she felt, and they both felt that they had lost two irreplaceable people.

"I hope nothing like this ever happens again," Jana said. "We already lost two people, we don't need to lose any more."