CHAPTER 15

"No, Please No, NO!" Billie woke up in a cold sweat. Looking over at her clock she realized that JC had already left for Jive. Stepping out of the bed she took a long look in the mirror. The sweat on her brow and her dampened hair sticking to her head she wanted to break the mirror with her fist. No matter how good of a day she had nothing could prevent her nights. The dreams. The fears. At that moment all she wanted was to hold on to JC and feel the safety of his arms wrapped around her oh so tight. The sound of his soothing voice telling her that it would all be okay. His scent of cologne lingering in each of her breaths.

She turned away from her reflection in disgust and walked into the hallway gazing at the pictures on the wall. Her and JC as kids. Her and JC as teenagers. And finally her and JC together. The perfect innocence of their youth. Billie smiled as she traced her fingers down JC's jawline. She softly shook her head and noticed the relentless red light beeping on the answering machine. "Four new messages. Who calls four times before 10 am?" She pushed the play button and listened to the messages as she made her coffee.

Monday 8 AM

"Hey sweetie."

Billie smiled at the sound of JC's voice.

"I just called to say good morning to the machine. And since I know you won't be up for another 3 or 4 hours I'll say good afternoon too. I'll be home around 5 or so. But if you need anything just call my cell. It will be on just for you. Love you. Bye

End of Message

Monday 8:15 AM

"Billie it's mom I just called to make sure that I didn't hurt your feelings. Bye."

End of Message

Monday 9:15 AM

"Hey Baby. I know I called earlier but I just called to see if maybe you want to meet me for lunch somewhere. If you actually decide to wake up before 4 pm, just kidding, call me."

End of Message

Monday 9:45 AM

"Billie it's Justin. Come on pick up there's something I have to tell you. It's about Mr. Heart."

Billie picked up her coffee and listened to Justin's message.

"Billie come on. Okay I'm just going to say it on this thing. Billie, He's dead."

*CRASH*

Billie discarded the broken coffee mug and spilled coffee and ran over to the machine.

"He killed himself. They found a letter. After the whole incident he couldn't take it anymore. He felt like someone was always behind him and he just shot himself. I gotta go over to his house. Even though me and Michelle aren’t going out anymore I still feel I should go say how sorry I am. I just though you should know. Bye girl."

Billie stood frozen. Absorbing the information she had just received. He was dead? Because of her? No because of Vinnie. She saved him from someone else. But she couldn't save him against himself.

"Oh my god…He felt the same way I did." She looked at her reflection once more but this time in a mirror above their mantle. Her eyes full of shock and horror. She realized that she had caused all of this. The shock changed into anger. Grabbing a bookend she started to slam it with full force into the mirror. The glass flying. She felt small pieces hit her face and arms but she didn't care. When there was nothing left of the mirror she let the rest of her frustration out. With one swipe everything on the mantle was now lying scattered on the floor. He screams of frustration were masked by the sounds of furniture overturning and glass breaking. And with one last bout of anger she grabbed the answering machine, yanking the cord out of the wall and hurled it through the window. Causing a deafening tone in Billie's ears.

When she heard one of her neighbors asking if she was okay from the outside of the door she grabbed her cordless phone and made a dash for the bathroom. Locking herself in she jumped into the empty bathtub and dialed the number that jumped into her mind and her heart.

"Hello?" His voice sounded like angelic harps at that moment.

"JC…" She couldn't go any further before bursting out in tears.

"Billie? Billie?!?! What's wrong baby?" His voice grew more concerned with every word.

"JC…Please. I need you…to….come…home." She tried to hide her sobs but it was no use. "I don't know…what….I just did…But I…need …you." She cried even harder.

"I'll be right there." She could hear Joey and Lance calling after JC, confused, as doors opened and closed. "Billie just stay on the phone with me okay." All he got in response was her tiny cries. His heart was racing and his mind was screaming as he pulled out of the Jive parking lot. 'Oh please let her be okay.' What was usually a 15 minute drive home took JC 6 minutes. Seeing his neighbors outside of his door he know something was terribly wrong.

"Billie, I'm right outside. I'll be there in just a few seconds." He set down the phone and ran out of his jeep leaving the ignition on and the door wide open. As he made his way through the dozen neighbors who gave him either worried or angry stares he unlocked his door, Walked into his apartment, and shut it in their faces. He looked at the place, which lied in shambles. "Billie?!?!"

"JC." He ran to the bathroom and tried to open the door.

"Billie let me in baby." He wasn't prepared to see what he saw. When the door opened there was his love covered waist up in tiny cuts. But the look on her face was much worse. Her eyes were in tiny swollen slits. Tears pouring down and her would was quivering as she gasped lightly for air. "Oh my.." He didn't finish, he just wrapped his arms around her and held her. "Billie, What happened?"

"I don't know….. Justin's…message…..Heart….dead. My fault…all…my….fault." She cried harder into his chest.

"Shhh….Billie, calm down, take deep breaths." He ran his hands through her short hair as she took deep breaths.

"JC, Mr. Heart. He's dead. It's all my fault." She told him all about Justin's message. "And I don't know why but I just lost it. And the next thing I knew was the shrieking in my ears and the neighbor asking if I was okay. But that's just the thing. I don't know if I'm okay. I mean most of the time I'm fine. Because you’re here and I know that I'm safe with you. But other times I just can't take it anymore." JC's heart broke at the site of her.

"Billie, listen to me. It wasn't your fault that Mr.Heart is dead. If any you actually saved him two months of his life. And you didn't tell him to grab a gun and shoot himself." He extended his arms and looked her in the eye. "And I will never leave you again if you don't want me too. I could stay here by your side forever."

She pulled away from his arms and sat on the toilet. "JC that's just the thing! I don't want you to have to stay with me forever. I want to be okay when you're not here. I want to be able to live my life! And I can't because I screwed up. I ruined my perfect life. Right now I would be a doctor. Or be in med. school. I want that life! I want what I can't have because of me! But it’s to late now. It's just to late…"

"Who said it's to late?" JC sat on the side of the tub and looked her in the eye. "Billie, It's never to late. You can go to med school. You can be whatever you want to be."

"JC you're just not getting it! It's to late because I can't have the perfect life if I am always going to have these moments. How many places will I leave in shambles. And what about me? Am I going to end up in…..Shambles …too?" Sadness and tears once again clouded Billie's face.

"Sweetie, I would never in a million years let that happen to you. In fact, you are going to hate me for suggesting this. But I know someone who actually might be able to help you." She looked into his eyes and realized what he was getting at.

"You want me to see a shrink?" She looked at him with a look of confusion.

"Well not if you don't want to. But I was just suggesting, well that they are known to help people. And I just thought.." He was silenced by Billie placing her finger over his lips.

"I actually think that your right…My mom suggested I see one about a month ago but I just brushed it off. I still have his card…. But I'm scared of going to one."

JC stood up and grabbed some things out of the medicine cabinet. "You shouldn't be. I mean Chris has his degree in psychology….wait okay let me think of something else…." He smiled as Billie began to laugh. Her beautiful laugh. "Okay baby, Let's get those cuts cleaned up." He got on his knees and looked up at her. "Billie there is no need to be scared. And if I'm not with you you know you’re a pretty strong person. Inside and out." She flinched at the pain of the alcohol on her arm. "And I hate to tell you this but some of these cuts need stitches."

"JC would you go with me the first time? To the shrink?" She asked in a hopeful tone.

"Billie I would do anything for you. But right now we need to go to the emergency room and get these cuts taken care of." Billie smiled at the way JC was handling things.

"You know maybe you should have been the one who wanted to be the doctor. Dr.Chasez. Yeah that has sort of a ring to it." She stood up and almost fell down. "Maybe that took a little more out of me than I thought…" She didn't have to say another word. JC picked her up in his arms and carried her out into the hallway.

"You know what Billie. Dr.Chasez does have a good ring to it. But I think it would better suit you than me."

"You know what JC? I think so too." She rested her head on his shoulder as he walked past the neighbors who were still camped out in front of his door. "You left your car on you moron." She laughed at his wide eyes.

"Well I'll be. I guess I did… See if that doesn't prove my love I don't know what…" He looked down and realized Billie was fast asleep. He slowly placed her in the passenger seat and buckled her in. After he had gotten in his phone began to ring."

"Hello?" JC whispered into the phone.

"Man are you okay? You ran out of here faster then Flash Gordon!" Joey cried on the other end of the phone.

"Yeah I'm fine. But let's just not go there. Is Johnny mad about me running out like that?" He heard Joey chuckle on the other line.

"Well let's just say he isn’t the happiest person in the world right now. He's yelling something about 5,000 dollars down the drain today. Can we say exaggerating?"

"JC?" JC turned to his side and saw Billie watching him.

"Joey I gotta go. Bye." He hung up and looked over at Billie. "Hi."

"Hi." She smiled and raised her hand to her face. "Sh- I did a bang up job didn't I?"

He shook his head. "No matter what, your always beautiful."

"JC?"

"Yeah?"

"Car!" JC looked up just in time to see a car headed right in their direction. He swerved and got back into their lane. "You know I thought you loved this car. It sure doesn't seem like it!"

"Well like I said you're to beautiful for me to take my eyes away from you."

"I want you to marry me." She held onto the seat as JC swerved the car and then pulled into the hospital parking lot.

"Excuse me?" His eyes were wide.

"I like the idea of Dr. Chasez. But I like the idea of Mrs. Chasez even more. So I want you to marry me."

JC couldn't believe his ears. Here was Billie, the girl that not even a week ago had told him that she could never see herself getting married to nobody, proposing to him. "Billie, I think the blood has drained from your brain so let's just go to the emergency room so you can think about what you just asked me." He got out of the car and walked around it to her side. Helping her out she grabbed his arm.

"JC I am thinking about what I am saying. You said if I wanted you could be by my side forever. And I do. But I want you to be married to me." She leaned on him for support as they walked through the automatic doors. And up to the nurse behind the desk.

"Yes my girlfriend had a small accident. I think she needs stitches….And some oxygen."

The nurse looked up at him and them over at the cut covered girl. "Okay follow me." JC walked in the room behind Billie and sat in a small chair beside the hospital bed.

"So you don't want to marry me huh?" Billie said as soon as the nurse left.

"Billie, it's not that I don't want to marry you. It's just I want you to make sure you know what you're saying here. I don't thing that you-" He was cut off by the doctor.

"Hello….Miss Weathers. The nurse said that you had a few cuts. Could you tell me what happened?" He began examining the cuts.

"I accidentally shattered the mirror and it cut me." She said looking him straight in the eyes.

"I see. Well there are 6 places where you are going to need stitches. So let me get the needle and we well get this all fixed."

JC's face turned ghost white. "Needles?" Billie laughed and waved her hand.

"JC I think that there are some papers that the nurse needs you to fill out and if you don't mind leaving the room to do it could you?" She didn't have to say another word. JC kissed her cheek and left the room.

"So your husband doesn't like needles?" The doctor laughed as he began to thread the string(??).

"He's not --- the biggest fan of needles."

"I figured." The doctor laughed some more. " Okay let's get those stitches in."

*****************************************************

JC sat in the chair contemplating what Billie had asked him. He knew she knew what she was talking about. But the truth was, was he ready for marriage? 2 months isn't that long of time. But they had known each other for 9 years. And he had loved her for 5 of those years. He looked down at the paper that was in his hands.

Name:_____________

JC thought for a moment and filled out the best answer he thought he had ever came up with.

Name: Billie Chasez