CHAPTER 5

~ April 1999 ~

They were back in the Bay Area for one of their arena concerts. With Liz in the audience for that one, Justin sang his heart out for the first time in weeks, smiling wider, jumping higher, and sailing further. And after the concert backstage, Justin did the forbidden deed.

"Justin! Justin! Could I have a minute? I'm from the local teen magazine, GO."

A reporter asked Justin as he and Liz tried to make their way to the tour bus. The boys had been doing interviews and pictures all night in the huge backstage at the arena. Justin was tired, but Liz looked at him, urging him to say a little something.

"Sure."

"Great." The reported rattled off the same questions that had been asked all night. But Liz, who had moved to the side to chat with Chris, perked up when she heard the answer to one of the questions.

"Are you dating anyone at the moment?"

Justin wasn't sure if it was the fatigue or something, but something in him made him answer,

"Yes, actually, I am. She's beautiful, one of my best friends in the world."

"Wow, that's something."

Justin couldn't believe what he had said. Neither could Joey, who stood there with an open-mouthed Liz, or Lance, who was off to the side with Chris and their bodyguard.

"Um. I think I'm gonna have to cut this interview short." Justin said.

"Thank you! Thanks a lot."

Justin strode out the door, ahead of the crowd, and onto the bus, ignoring the screaming fans outside.

"Justin." Liz came into the bus behind him.

"Wow, Lou's gonna have a shit-fit."

"Yeah, I know. That was pretty stupid of you."

"Stupid? You think it's stupid that I love you?"

"Hey, don't get all riled up, I didn't mean it that way." She sat down next to him on the padded bench. Then she realized what he had just said.

"Did you-?"

"Yeah." He said turning to look into her eyes. Leaning in, he kissed her softly, their lips meeting then departing.

"I love you too."

At that moment, the rest of the guys, along with Lou and their guards came in.

"What is wrong with you boy?" Lou shouted. "You know this is the last thing we want!"

"It my life, it's my image. I can do whatever the hell I want!" Justin yelled back.

"We all agreed, Justin. At least to the public, no girlfriends. Do you remember the Lance incident? Do you want your girlfriend mobbed and hated?"

"I love Liz and I will make sure no one ever hurts her. And I don't give a damn if everyone knows. Let them all get it right for once!" Lou didn't argue anymore. He knew this whole gig relied on Justin. But he also knew Justin didn't love that chick enough to lose his career. But he was smart enough to let Justin blow off some steam.

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And he handled the questions well. His relationship with Liz was proclaimed on many a web site, both praising his bravery in telling the truth and bashing Liz like crazy. No one actually had any pictures of her, or even her last name, but Liz was all they needed to know as they bashed on.

And J.C. watched as their relationship survived, as it flourished. They had fights. Never big ones, Liz never asked for advice. They still talked over e- mail, but never in the semi-flirtatious way they used to. He missed her, he missed her friendship. But watching their relationship made him want his own. But the only girl he wanted was Liz. The girl he couldn't have.

~ August 1999 ~

He had put up with it for long enough. All summer she had toured with them, lived with them. Having Liz breathing the same air as him made life hard for J.C. He was in love with her. He had been since January. He loved the way she talked, the way she laughed. He loved the way she loved her life and made those around her love their lives also. He couldn't think of a person who didn't smile when she was around. Lou was even joking around with her now and he had never done that before, not even with Teen Queen Britney Spears. But being with her so much just increased the longing. But no one knew. He had to sit in silent agony, as he would see Justin and Liz walk hand in hand, Justin and Liz flirting, Justin and Liz kissing. But regular kissing he could handle. These two didn't quite understand the meaning of the word discretion.

"Get a room!" he and Chris would call from the rafters of the stages they were playing on, to Liz and Justin sitting on the stage below.

And so all summer long they played and joked around with each other. As the summer drew to a close, her time with them was ending. She would stay with them until they played in the Bay Area again, around the end of August, when she would head back for her junior year at Berkley. He knew he had to tell Liz how he felt, he had to tell her that he lover her. It was better for her to know then to never tell her at all, right? The only problem was that she and Justin were more in love than ever. He could never compete with Justin. Justin always got what he wanted. Liz was what he wanted.

he thought to himself as they prepped for the show. Liz honestly had no idea what he felt for her. All this time, she believed his intentions to be friendly, out of his loyalty to Justin. She had no idea that she was all he had thought about since that January. She had no idea that with every kiss between her and Justin, a piece of his heart was being crumpled up and stomped on.

After the concert was over, J.C. headed out to find her. He was determined to find her and tell her, no matter what the consequences. He headed to the hotel room she shared with Justin. ::knock knock::

"Coming." Came the muffled reply from behind the thick door.

"Hey." He said as he saw her.

"Hey yourself."

"Can I come in?"

"Sure."

J.C walked into the room, the carbon copy of his room, except that Lance's business papers weren't scattered all over the desk. Their room was surprisingly clean, only one bed slightly crumpled, and no clothes on the floor.

"So…" Liz started.

"So…"

"Is there something you wanted to tell me?"

J.C. looked around. At the floor, at the desk, at the TV, out the window, anywhere but at Liz.

"Um..well…I just figured since we're leaving tomorrow, and you're staying and all…" he hesitated. Did he really want to tell her after all? he said to himself.

"I just wanted to tell you something…I've wanted to tell you for a long time…it's um…"

"Yeah?" Liz asked, her hair falling into her eyes. J.C. slipped up and allowed his eyes to glance into her deep brown ones.

"I…" he couldn't finish. Instead he moved in swiftly and kissed her, hard, putting his arms around her. At first Liz struggled, but then softened as she kissed him back. She allowed herself to be pressed gently against the wall.

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Justin was signing. The concert that night was great. He had gone out afterwards to get some ice cream for him and Liz. They had the same favorite flavor. Coffee. The parked his rental car, a slick blue Chevy Blazer, in the underground lot of the high-rise city hotel. Carrying the Safeway bags, he walked to the elevator ad took it to the 5th floor. Reaching into his pocket, he found the card key to his door. He slipped the card into the hotel room door.