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WARNING! These Jokes May Offend You.

Cow Jokes, E-Mails, Etc.

What do you call a cow with two legs?
-Lean Beef

Thanks to Jenny Girl Chaloux for this little gem.

Why don't cows have any money?
-Because the farmers milk them dry.

What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk?
-An udder failure.

And this one from my brilliant husband:
What do cows do for entertainment?
-They go to the mooooovies.
Personally, I think he got that from a milk carton in elementary school, but oh well. :-)

A town in Pakistan had only one cow and it stopped giving milk.
The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could
get a cow from Karachi for 20,000 rupees - or one from Lahore for
only 1000 rupees. So, naturally, --- they got the cow from
Lahore.

It was a great cow: had a wonderful disposition, and gave lots
of milk and lots of cream. Everybody loved it dearly. The people
decided they would mate the cow and get more cows like it,
and then they would never have to worry about their milk supply
again.

So they got a stud bull from the next town, and led the cow and the bull
into the pasture. When the bull came in from the right to mount the cow,
the cow moved to the left. When the bull moved in to mount the cow from
the left, the cow moved to the right. This went on all
day.

Finally, in desperation, the people decided to go ask the town's wise man
what to do. After all, he was very wise.

They told him the story. "We've tried all day to mate our
cow. When the bull moves in from the right the cow moves left
and when the bull moves in from the left the cow moves to the
right. What do we do?"

The wise man thought a moment and said "Tie the cow down with the legs
apart and the bull will be able to mate." Then he asked, "Did you buy
this cow from Lahore?"

"Wise man!" they replied as one, "You are so wise! We never said
we bought the cow from Lahore. How did you know that?"
The wise man said, sadly, "My wife is from Lahore."

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"

Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So what happened that is so horrible?

Farmer: Well if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I go the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it over.

Man: That's not so bad, what's the big deal?

Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So then what happened.

Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left with some rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full she took her right leg and kicked it over.

Man: Again?

Farmer: Some things ya just can't explain.

Man: So, what did you do then?

Farmer: I took her right leg and tied it to the post on the right.

Man: So then what did you do?

Farmer: I sat back down and continued to milk her, and just as I got the bucket just about full, the stupid cow knocks over the bucket with her tail.

Man: Wow you must have been pretty upset!

Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So then what did you do.

Farmer: Well I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in.

This isn't really a joke, but this is the only page I have with a warning, so this is where it must go. I have a great new job, and my boss told me this story the other day about when she was a teenager. Her family owned farms when she was growing up, and at one point they switched from dairy to beef cattle. Her father bought these two bulls, both of which he was very proud. They were both virile and stong. Very good for breeding. Well, one day one of the bulls was walking around the field with a raging hard-on. He bumped his penis into the fence, and it broke. I don't think he was a good specimen for breeding after that.

Jokes Page 2