~Love is the most written about talked about thought
about laughed about and cried about human
emotion.
I once said "I will never write about
love!"
and then
I loved.
~When you
become mine
I will give you all that is
mine
and me.
And you will have all.
But
first you must give.
~I want to
dream with you by my side.
But if I ever-got you
there,
I would not sleep until morning.
and
this would be a day dream.
~I am
afraid.
I am afraid that you will not break from
your shell for me.
I am afraid that you will not
break from it for another.
I am more afraid that
you will never leave your cramped comforting
confining womb.
I am afraid that if I break the
shell I will kill you or they will kill you or you
will kill you and I shall die.
I am
afraid.
desperately afraid.
~maybe i shouldn't have expected you to be home these
past two days.
maybe I shouldn't have looked
forward so to this weekend.
but I did.
maybe i
shouldn't be feeling this pain & loneliness &
alienation & anger.
maybe I shouldn't love you so
much.
but I do.
I am sure your reasons will be
good, They always are.
But my pain is real.
It
always is.
~i can tolerate all the direct hate you can
give.
I cannot tolerate the manifestations your
hate takes when it has no outlet.
screaming i can
stand.
silence I cannot.
~I cannot love half-assed.
I must love
well &
intently & creatively, or the forces within me turn
back upon themselves and explode. (boom)
Do you
want love, or do you just want someone to drive the
loneliness from your life?
Do you want me, or
would anyone do?
Do you want love in return, or
just respond?
I was not put on this earth to test
your reflexes.
~expecting heaven is what hell is all
about.
~I want to go back.
back to the time when
your feelings for me were so strong that I was
afraid.
back to a time when I received poems in
the mail and I could call you and hear you
smile.
back to a time when we made plans that, at
the time, were realistic.
~as soon as I became aware of my addictive
personality I gave up drugs, (illegal ones) and I
never started on the legal poisons like alcohol or
tabacco or television.
But, fool that I am, I
forgot to give up the most addictive thing around:
love.
and now it's too late.
I'm hooked for
life.
an emotion-mainliner, a touch-junkie.
a
love addict.
