Nervously Jimmy hung back by the horses as Alexis ascended the steps of the porch. She knocked and then looked down, seemily unsure of herself; it was a side Jimmy rarely saw of her. He could tell how much Teaspoon's death was affecting her if she was losing her normally calm exterior. He watched as she hurridly brushed her clothes off and swiped a hand at her travel-mussed hair. The door opened and Janus Tarkovsky stepped partway outside.

"Yes?"

"Hello Janus," Alexis said with a very faint smile.

"Alexis," he said, relief mixing with his smile at her arrival. "Come inside. I will get Rachel."

"Actually Janus, I've brought a friend," she said as she half turned and impatiently motioned Jimmy forward. "You remember Jimmy don't you? Jimmy Hickok."

He studied Jimmy closely, and then very slowly nodded his head. "Yes, one of the riders. You friend of Jesse, no?"

"That's right," Jimmy replied. "Good to see you again Janus. Wish it had been under better circumstances."

"Yes," Janus replied soberly. Then motioning, he said, "come inside. Rachel is feeding the baby. Sit."

Jimmy took off his hat as he stepped inside and watched Janus retreat down the hallway. He nervously glanced around as he waited for Rachel and saw a few belongings he rembered from her house. His inspection was cut short as he heard her familiar footsteps approaching the room.

"Alexis?" she called out even before entering the room. "Are you alright? Janus said you were here and to come right away."

Entering the room, she stopped stand still as her eyes fell upon Jimmy. A startled cry rose up in her throat, but the sound was muffled by her hands covering her mouth. Trying to recover, she looked at Alexis and then to Janus, who stood beside her holding Adelle.

"Hello Rachel," Jimmy said softly.

The sound of his voice finally seemed to convince her he was real and snapped her out of her shock. "Oh Jimmy!" she cried and rushed forward wrapping him in a hug. "You've come home."

She pulled away and held him at arm's length as she appraised him. He shifted uncomfortably under her gaze until a broad smile lit up her face.

"It's so wonderful to see you again. Thank you for coming."

"I'm sorry I stayed away so long," he said regretfully. "As soon as Alexis told me about Teaspoon, I had to come. How's Polly?"

"She's tryin' to hold it together. She's been pretty broken up."

Unable to talk about Teaspoon more, Jimmy looked at Janus still holding the baby. "She's beautfil Rachel, just like her mother. I'm real happy for you and Janus."

"Thank you Jimmy," she said with a mother's pride as she took the baby into her arms.

Turning to address Alexis as well she asked, "do you want to clean up? You look like you've had a long ride."

Jimmy and Alexis both nodded and then looked at each other with unease. Each one wanted to visit the gravesite, but didn't want to intrude on the other. Unspoken communication passed between them as they looked at one another, their past connection awakening. Alexis grew uncomfortable with the intamacy of the moment and broke eye contact.

"Go ahead Jimmy," she said, trying to affect indifference.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes," she answered. "You go ahead. I'll come later."

"Alright," he said softly and followed Rachel to the spare room. Once alone, he sat down on the bed to pause a minute as his head swirled with the day's events. Rachel's warm welcome had greatly eased his nerves. He knew everyone wouldn't welcome him back as easily as Rachel, but he was grateful that his first encounter with his former friends hadn't been openly hostile.

The moment in the front room with Alexis still unsettled him. This entire trip, her cool attitude toward him and his intensifying emotions for her were overwhelming. The way they could speak without words reminded him of their time together when their relationship and love were just starting out. It was clear she started to feel the same memories, but she abruptly ended the moment. Where he wanted the feelings to coninue, she didn't, and Jimmy felt the slight deeply.

"Well, I've just got my work cut out for me," he said softly as he pulled himself up off the bed and began to unbutton his shirt.

Alexis sat in the front room holding Adelle as she waited for Rachel to come back. She was grateful that she was alone except for the baby as she tried to compose herself. The child couldn't ask questions she wasn't prepared to answer yet, and the happy cooing sounds and joyful squirms distracted her from thinking about Jimmy and his dark, penetrating eyes.

When she set out to find Jimmy, she convinced herself that it was for the others and not her. Then she saw him and Alexis felt her resolve start to crumble. Tall, fit and unchanged, except for appearing wiser and more tempered, he immediately captured her heart. That wasn't a hard task since she hadn't been able to fully excise him from it to begin with.

She lied to herself and Jimmy when she claimed her anger wasn't about their failed relationship and Rosemary coming between them. She was determined to hold onto that anger though and convince him she simply wasn't affected by him. She had to convince everybody, including herself, that she didn't have feelings for him still. She just couldn't allow her heart to be broken again.

Alexis looked up suddenly; having the feeling she was being watched and saw Rachel just inside the doorway. The woman she regarded a close friend was wearing an unreadable expression, a half smile tugging at her lips.

"How long you been standin' there?" she asked, trying not to sound embarassed or guilty.

"Long enough," Rachel replied cryptically as she settled into a chair across from Alexis.

"I can't believe how much she's grown since Christmas," Alexis said as she looked at Adelle. She was desperate to deflect the conversation she felt looming on the horizon.

Rachel allowed a small moment of motherly pride to distract her. "Yes, she's growin' bigger every day. She's been tryin' to roll over. Almost has it too."

Then the brief delay passed and Rachel was back on track. "So Jimmy and you-"

"There is no 'Jimmy and me,' I simply brought him back 'cause of Teaspoon," Alexis interrupted.

"But you knew where he was," she continued on, ignorning Alexis's aggitation.

"Yes," Alexis said in a low voice. "I did."

They heard the door open and Jimmy start walking down the hallway. Rachel shot Alexis a look indicating the conversation would be continued later and Alexis sighed silently. When Jimmy walked into the room she briefly acknowledged him and his comment about waiting for her at the cemetery before beating a hasty exit from the room.

Jimmy left Rachel's house and headed to the cemetery, avoiding more populated areas in his desire to remain alone. When he arrived, his heart constricted as he remembered the last time he was here. Just after Lou and Kid's wedding, they gathered in this place to bury Noah. His life cut short before it had really started, he'd ridden after Rosemary when she couldn't let her bitterness go.

The memories flooded back of his friends gathered around Noah's grave. Jimmy was standing beside Rosemary and Alexis was standing as far away from them as she could. The tension between the three of them was so thick he sometimes felt he could reach out and touch it. Everybody could sense it, but after a few attempts nobody dared talk to them because of the hair-trigger tempers of Alexis and Jimmy. Then the next morning she announced she was leaving and Teaspoon went through the roof. Angry words were exchanged between him and Jimmy and until Jimmy left, things were never the same. They only spoke when absolutely necessary and even then said as few words as possible.

Walking to the grave, Jimmy was filled with regret that his last words spoken with the man who had become his surrogate father were spoken in anger. He revered Teaspoon and in the year and a half spent with the Express he grew very close to the former Texas Ranger. Teaspoon understood his independence, but taught him sage lessons without clipping his wings. He mourned the sensless passing of his mentor and friend's life, and the fact that he would never get the chance to learn from him again. The past years had matured Jimmy enough that he knew he still had many lessons to learn.

Kneeling on the frozen ground, he tentatively rested his hand on the marker and in a husky voice said, "Hello Teaspoon."

Blinking back the tears threatening to spill over he continued on. "I'm so sorry. I've been away too long and I only have myself to blame. I just couldn't bring myself to face you and your disappointment. I shoulda come back a long time ago."

Jimmy continued on trying to atone for his absence and his behavior before he left, hoping that Teaspoon would be able to hear and understand. Hearing a horse approach he looked up and saw Alexis nearing. He looked back at Teaspoon's marker and said softly, "I wasn't here for you in the end, but I promise you I will get the man who did this. No matter how long it takes."

Then he stood up, wiped his face and walked to Alexis who was getting off her horse. She had changed out of her riding clothes and was now wearing a dark gray dress and coat. Her dark auburn hair was arraigned simply, pulled back and hanging neatly down her back. She looked up as he stopped next to her.

"Should I come back?" she asked.

"No," he answered. "I've said my peace. Do you want me to go?"

She paused for a moment then replied, "No, you don't have to. I figure you really don't want to go into town."

He nodded to indicate she was right. "I'll just wait here then."

"Alright," she replied and then walked into the cemetery while she nervously smoothed her skirts. She stopped at the side of the grave and knelt beside it. The chill of the ground immediately began penetrating her clothes and she shivered slightly.

Tears began falling as she touched her fingertips to the words carved in the wood. She knew it was her imagination, but she felt as if the flesh on her hand was being burned as she traced the engraving. Seeing the marker seared it into her mind that he was really gone. Her vision blurred from her tears and she swiped at her eyes. Hiccupping a 'hi' through her tears, she paused and tried to pull herself together.

Starting again she said, "Hello Teaspoon. You're always supposed to watch your back don't you know? You taught me that."

After nearly choking on her attempt at levity she continued, "I can't believe you're really gone. You, Momma, Daddy, I feel so alone now. As a child I thought you were invicible, that you'd never die. Even now it's hard for me to believe that I've lost you.

"I found him. I found Jimmy. I'm sorry I didn't tell you at Christmas. I wanted to surprise you and bring him back so you could patch things up. I know how much you missed him. I shoulda told you instead of keepin' it to myself. I'm so sorry you never knew, that you didn't get to speak one last time. You gave me so much; I just wanted to give you this. I…I…"

Jimmy had been standing by the horses, gazing at the horizon when an agonized sob pulled his attention back to the cemetery. He saw Alexis lying in a crumpled heap, large sobs wracking her slender frame. Quickly running to her side he pulled her into his arms and held her as she finally let her grief out. She clung desperately to him, aching for comfort.

"Why?" she sobbed. "Why did he have to die? Please tell me it's not true. That it's all just a dream."

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I wish it was. Heaven knows I wish it was."

Wrapping her in a protective embrace, he held her gently as tears once again overwhelmed her. When her tears were finally spent, Alexis pulled back from Jimmy and looked at up him apologetically. She shivered as the wind picked up, increasing her chill caused by sitting on the ground. Jimmy helped her to her feet and positioned himself to block her from the wind.

"We should go," he urged. He expected her to push away from him, fight over his meddling or offer some retort, but she was too emotionally spent to offer any resistance.

Walking to their horses, Alexis found herself drawn to Jimmy. She leaned against him as he walked beside her and supported her with his arm wrapped around her. Part of her brain said she needed to pull away, put distance between them or she would lose the barriers she'd built around her heart. At that moment though, she just needed someone by her, and she was very happy it was Jimmy. Besides, she tried to rationalize with herself, she shouldn't be angry with him at Teaspoon's grave. She could remember all of the reasons she couldn't allow herself to get close to Jimmy again later. Right now she would just induldge the small need.

When they reached their mounts Jimmy asked, "so back to Rachel's?"

"No," Alexis answered. "I want to see Polly. I need to pay my respects."

Jimmy looked at her, not wanting to intrude, but clearly hoping she'd offer. She mounted her horse and looked down at him with a sigh.

"Well, are you comin' or not?"

Jimmy nodded and turned to climb in the saddle. He hid his smile from her view, pleased that she hadn't turned him away now and before when he'd held her.

Stretched out on his back in the darkness, Jimmy tried to ease the tension of the day away so that he could sleep. Sleep was elluding him, his body crying for rest, but his brain unwilling to let it come. He was in Teaspoon's house, a house completely foreign to him, and yet so filled with the older man's presence that Jimmy expected to see him dozing in a chair.

Polly had insisted he and Alexis stay for supper and then the night after they arrived. Jimmy felt very uncomfortable at first, but it didn't take long for him to set aside his guilt and warm up to Polly. She was a lot like Teaspoon in the way she could put those around her at ease and lessen their worries.

He shifted onto his side and smiled slightly at the way she immediately welcomed him. He told her he was sorry for being away so long and not keeping in contact with Teaspoon. She listened to him for a while and then set her hand on his arm and looked at with her sweet brown eyes.

"Sugar," she told him, "There ain't no use livin' your life with regrets. What's done is done, and it only matters that you're here now."

She paused for a moment before continuing, "I won't lie and say he didn't miss you, but I think he understood you had to be out on your own. I know it would mean a great deal to him to know you were here now."

The matress sank as Jimmy once again shifted around on the bed. Lying on his stomach, arms splayed out to the sides he let his mind drift back to Polly's comments about the marshal's job. The deputy was temporarily filling in, but he wasn't looking to keep the job permantly. Kid and Buck would help Teaspoon out when needed and had helped out right after his death, but Kid had his hands full running his ranch and soon he'd have a new baby to look out for. Buck hadn't really put down roots in any one place. He seemed to drift back and forth between Kid and Lou's ranch and life with his brother and the Kiowa. Jimmy wondered if one of them would decide to take over the job now that Teaspoon was gone, but they didn't seem inclined to. The town needed a marshal who was dedicated, not just filling in.

He got the distinct feeling that Polly was hinting at him to take the job himself. He had been deputized many times to take over when Teaspoon was out of town, and he had a feel for the job. He felt a tugging to take the position as a way to make amends to Teaspoon, but Jimmy knew it was an undertaking he shouldn't agree to simply to assuage his guilt.

Tugging at his pillow as he once again searched for a comfortable position in the hope of sleep, he listened to the soft voices of Alexis and Polly drifting from the front room. He excused himself earlier to allow them time alone. He sensed the deep connection between the two women and didn't want to intrude on their memories.

As sleep finally came, a smile pulled at his lips because Alexis was now beginning to smile. Finally releasing her grief, and being around Polly was greatly helping her. The two women were like salve for the other's wounds. An awful void had been left in their lives, and he knew that together they would be able to heal. With each other, they could finally open up, where they couldn't with others. They'd known Teaspoon the longest and had memories of him the others didn't. The two would be good for each other, and while he still felt uneasy a bit, he was glad they'd agreed to stay. If it helped Alexis, he would gladly deal with a little discomfort.

"There she is," the little girl sitting on Jimmy's lap squealed. "Here comes Mommy!"

Jimmy looked up and a broad smile lit up his face as Alexis walked across the street to his office. She moved as nimbly as her progressing pregnancy allowed her, pausing to speak to those who extended their greetings to the marshal's wife. Hearing their daughter's excited cries she raised her head and grinned at her and Jimmy. Even though she was still talking to Mrs. Milton, the town's biggest busybody, the look she gave Jimmy made him feel like he was the only person present and he almost blushed at the intensity of the love her gaze contained. Finally disentangling herself from the talkative woman, Alexis continued on her way to her family.

The hair on Jimmy's neck raised suddenly and he scanned the street looking for what triggered his senses. The edges of the street darkened in his vision as he focused solely on Alexis. He stood and tried to call out to her, but no sound came out of his mouth. He reached for his guns, only to oddly discover he wasn't wearing them. Trying to rush to her side, he felt like his feet were nailed to the boardwalk and he couldn't move. His gaze was still fixed on Alexis, but she wasn't looking at him and he had no way of alerting her to the danger he knew was coming.

Then it happened, the shot he feared echoed through the street. People fled but Jimmy only saw Alexis and her features twisted in pain as she sank to the ground. She called to him and finally he was able to move his feet. He rushed to her side, still unarmed, desperate to help her. Hearing his name called, he looked up and saw Teaspoon running from the Marshal's office. Jimmy tried to warn him off, only to see the old man shot and fall in the street. Jimmy knew instantly he was dead and swore at his inability to stop the senseless death.

He turned his attention down to his wife and tried frantically to stop her life from flowing out of her. He called her name over and over, reassuring her that he was there and would help her. The pleading look on her face as she feebily whispered his name and begged him to help stayed in his mind's eye long after he woke with a strangled cry.

Bathed in sweat and tangled in the sheet, Jimmy shakily pulled himself up to a sitting position. He wearily rested his head on the wall and rubbed a hand over his face in an attempt to shake the mental images of the dream away. 'Dream? It was a nightmare,' he thought to himself. 'An awful nightmare.'

Jimmy knew that he wouldn't be getting back to sleep again that night. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to sleep again. The images of the dream chilled him, and he was unable to erase them from his mind. Wearily throwing his legs over the side of the bed, he leaned forward, resting his elbows on thighs, his head against his hands. Needing to escape the confines of the room, he reached for his clothes and pulled them on.

He wandered the house for a while, finally coming to rest in a chair in the front room. Sitting in the dark next to the banked fire, he tried to sort things through and piece together his next move. One thing he knew for sure, he wasn't going back to the Abolitionists, and especially not to Rosemary. He was deluding himself by trying to fit in and be somebody he wasn't, and more than anything he knew it was time to finally end things with Rosemary. Things had been over for quite some time between them, they just didn't want to admit it. He didn't know how long Alexis planned to stay in Rock Creek, but he hoped that before she left he would be able to heal the breech between them and convince her to stay longer.

Near dawn, he was pulled from his thoughts as he heard someone enter the room and then stop just inside the doorway. Jimmy looked up and saw Polly standing in the doorway looking intently at him. He stood as she walked in and crossed to the chair next to his. They sat and she continued to watch him as she rested her chin in her hand, propping her elbow on the arm of the chair.

"You know, you remind me of him, sittin' by yourself in the dark," she said, finally breaking the silence. "He used to come out here and sit up whenever he had somethin' on his mind. Said there was somethin' about that chair that just helped him think clearer."

Jimmy soaked in her words as he looked down, slowly rubbing his palms over the arms of the chair. Teaspoon used to sit in this very chair and do the exact same thing he'd done last night. The thought of that was almost too raw for him to bear and he squeezed his eyes shut before finally looking back up at Polly. She had the same gentle, understanding look on her face as before and he understood why Teaspoon had loved her so much. They complimented each other perfectly and he could picture them sitting together, her listening as he talked things out, making sense of a case, much the same way Jimmy had talked out problems with Teaspoon, solving them on his own, but glad there was a listener.

"Yeah," he finally said, his voice still a bit heavy with the emotions conjured up. "I can see why he loved this chair. It sure helped me last night."

Polly said nothing, just raised her eyebrow slightly and waited for him to continue at his own pace.

"Came to some decisions about what I'm gonna do." He paused and looked at her, and she nodded her head, but again said nothing. "Got some things I've gotta take care of today. Gonna head into town and talk to the Marshal…"

Polly smiled a knowing smile, understanding his meaning without him actually saying the words.

"…and then I'm goin' to head to the ranch and see Lou…and the Kid."

On to Chapter 9!