Lou and Jimmy rode back from Willow Springs silently; their thoughts to themselves. They had ridden out first thing that morning after the showdown with Hopkins. Lou still shuddered with the memory of being held captive by that foul man. Jimmy would never lead her into danger knowingly, and Lou couldn't help but lament his forced way of life. She knew him to be a gentle and loving man, yet he was continually pressed to defend himself and the damning moniker bestowed upon him. It just isn't fair! Lou thought to herself.

She stole a glance Jimmy's way. She knew his silence was indicative of the heavy guilt he bore since their encounter with Hopkins. Lou had found it hard to shake the terror that gripped her while the noose was around her neck. She had known Jimmy would save her...or die trying. And that disturbed her even more in retrospect; how terrified she had been of that seemingly inevitable sacrifice on his part. He brought danger into the lives of those he loved, but what was worse was his willingness to protect that burden with his own life.

What would she do if it finally came to that? She didn't think she could bear to lose Jimmy. He was the closest she had to a best friend since.... Her heart squeezed as she thought of Kid. The memory of their last encounter outside the bunk house made tears well up in her eyes. Dammit, I'm not going to break down again. If Kid wants to make a fool of himself, there's nothing I can do to stop him. Determined to divert her mind from her anguish over Kid, Lou immersed herself in happy memories of Willow Springs.

Wine... She smiled at the mental note. The taste and effect of that elixir was vivid to her senses. As Lou slipped into a dreamy recollection of the night before, she wondered absently if the drink fit the definition of those allowed to Express riders.

Lou sighed, and Jimmy sneaked a glace in her direction. She seemed deep in thought and he hated to disturb her. He reflected on all that had passed between them in the last 24 hours. He would never forget the horror that settled in his stomach when he saw Lou standing with a noose around her neck. It was as if his worst fears had come true. One of his "ghosts" threatening that which was most dear to him.

He sighed deeply, as well. How far away the idyllic evening in the restaurant seemed, yet every detail was clear in his mind. Jimmy couldn't remember Lou looking quite as beautiful as she had that night. The low lighting, the quiet atmosphere. There was undoubtedly a tension there — a welcome tension. And her kiss... He shook slightly at the memory.

Jimmy often wondered if he was ever destined to know the complete love of a woman. And one so extraordinary as Louise McCloud... The thought seemed impossible to him.

He silently reproached himself. He had dared to dream with Alice. And look how that had ended. Besides, Kid was who Lou belonged with. If only he would get it through his thick skull to forget this school teacher! He couldn't believe how foolishly Kid had treated Lou. He knew Kid loved her, but he had a funny way of showing it sometimes! His heart ached for her pain. Against his better judgement he wished he could be the one to ease her mind away from Kid...

He stole another glance at Lou and she seemed very far away. He studied her for a moment, ever wishing to resolve the trauma he had brought on her.

"You doing ok, Lou?" Jimmy ventured. Lou snapped her head up in surprise. Her eyes were glazed and he wondered what thoughts he had intruded upon. He cursed himself for what seemed the hundredth time that day. He could only feel his self-blame deepen, and he looked away as if to deny the question's existence.

"Sorry, Jimmy. I'm doin just fine, I told you. Don't worry about me. When we get back to Sweetwater everything will be alright."

Lou couldn't help the racing of her heart. She felt as if she had been caught red-handed. Lou's thoughts had been so preoccupied with her feelings toward Jimmy that she hadn't realized he was watching her. She hoped he hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary, and wrote off her unfocused gaze as a reflection on this morning. She knew Jimmy's question was innocent, and yet she felt as if his every look penetrated her deepest secret. Little did Jimmy realize he was the cause of her reticence, but for a much different reason than he assumed. Although she wanted to keep to herself until she had worked out her thoughts in her head, she also longed to ease his guilt. Yet, every time she broached the subject of this morning, Jimmy would hear no forgiving words. Perhaps it was time to try once more. It was nearing early afternoon and Lou's stomach was growling. She pulled her horse up near an obliging stream.

"Jimmy, let's stop here for some food. It's still a long way to Sweetwater, and I'm starvin." Jimmy nodded and drew his horse along side hers. The horses could use a rest.

They sat side by side, but may as well have been miles apart. After a few minutes of silence, Lou could stand it no longer. "I really did have a good time in Willow Springs, Jimmy."

Jimmy snorted in disbelief. He didn't want to dismiss Lou's offering so swiftly, but he could scarcely believe she was telling him the truth. Surely she must blame him as much as he did himself.

Lou tried to see him through his self-condemnation. She laid a consoling hand on his arm to validate her claim. "I really mean it, Jimmy. I don't regret anything that happened last night. You couldn't help Hopkins, and...and I do appreciate your savin my life." In more ways than one, she added silently. There was no doubt in her mind that Jimmy had restored her hope in life and love again. She could never repay that debt to him.

Jimmy could be silent no longer. How could she even consider thanking him?! "Lou, you have every right to hate me, and I don't expect you to ever forgive me for puttin you in that kind of danger." Kid would never do that to you, he thought morosely.

As he faltered for that second, Lou wondered what he was holding back saying. She wondered how to break through this wall he had constructed. She withdrew her hand and waited patiently for him to continue his thoughts. If he would continue...

He gazed into her luminous brown eyes for only a second...that was all it took to rattle his composure. How could she put her faith so blindly in him? Jimmy fidgeted with his sleeve, wishing she'd stop staring at him. It was hard enough to keep a rein on his feelings without her looking so damned compelling. He berated himself again for letting his guilty conscience slip. He rose suddenly to mount his horse, and made up his mind then and there to get Louise McCloud out of his mind forever.

But even as he made that vow, he knew it was a hopeless endeavor. It was still a long way back to Sweetwater....

On to Part 2!