Author's Notes: This is set about two years after everyone went their separate ways. However, I've changed a few things. Noah was never killed — he's still alive in my story. But two other characters die, so don’t say I didn't warn you! Also, this story is written as if Lou didn't have a brother and sister.

Dusty sunlight filtered through the small slits in the teepee and the young doctor working inside felt as though she was slowly being smothered by the oppressive heat. She had been traveling through the New Mexico territory for weeks and while she was quite taken by the beauty of the land, she had been unable to accept its climate.

At least she was busy. She had been working since dawn when she had arrived in the settlement, and now that it was nearly dusk, she knew there was still a line outside her makeshift office. People in such remote areas as this rarely received any medical attention. No self-respecting doctor would waste his time in such rural, poor areas, populated mostly by Indians.

But she had no such qualms, for she wasn't officially a doctor. Still, she figured she had enough experience as a doctor's assistant to qualify as one. And she accepted her limitations. But she knew people like these needed something she could give and that ability was one of the few rare things lately that would give her some measure of happiness and peace.

A young woman shyly entered the teepee holding the hand of her little girl. The doctor smiled warmly. Language was usually the greatest obstacle to medical treatment but she was surprised and pleased to hear the young woman say in English, "Please, she is sick."

The doctor took the little girl in her arms and felt a sudden stab of longing. She had always wanted children of her own, but the way her life was going, she didn't think it was meant to be. The little girl leaned against her, the heat from her fever radiating through her thin clothes, and the doctor resisted the urge to kiss her hot cheek and hug her close.

She took a deep breath instead and focused on the task at hand. She was never one for dwelling on things that weren't meant to be. Having children was just of her many dreams that hadn't come true, and if she felt sorry for herself for all of them, she might as well lay down and die. And that just wasn't her style.

Besides, old dreams had been replaced with new ones. Even though she didn't have her own children, her job allowed her to help other people's children, and hold them like she was doing now. It wasn't perfect, but it was enough. It had to be.

She was like a phoenix, continually rising from the ashes of her own life as she had once known it, and reinventing herself. She was a survivor. And while it was sometimes a curse, it was who she was.

She felt the girl's forehead for a temperature. After a little more information from the mother, the doctor recognized the child's symptoms as mumps. She began to explain to the mother how to try and bring the girl's fever down, when a burst of gunfire erupted outside. The young mother paled and looked so alarmed that the doctor quickly asked what was wrong.

"Attack." The young woman replied, her dark eyes wide with terror.

"Which tribe?" The doctor asked sharply, aware of the intermittent tribal conflict in the area. It was yet another reason why these people were without medical care.

But the woman shook her head. "Renegades."

The doctor stepped outside as the young woman and her daughter, as well as all the others waiting in line, quickly ran away to find shelter. The Shoshone settlement was one of the largest in the area and it was convulsed with chaos.

The doctor had heard of the Renegades. There were a widely feared gang of ex-Army soldiers who had decided to take justice into their own hands. Feeling like the country's slow and haphazard discrimination against the Indians wasn't good enough, they took it upon themselves to try and kill as many Indians as they could. They were ruthless killers, indiscriminately murdering men, women and children. And now they had descended upon the Shoshone as their next victims.

The doctor tore off the apron she usually wore while treating patients to reveal the gunbelt she always wore underneath. She quickly ran into the fray, trying to find where the actual fight had begun. She hoped she could help.

She dropped behind the cover of an overturned wagon as bullets began to fly. She was always surprised to find how quickly the instincts of fighting battles came back to her: the concentration, the surge of adrenaline and how to control it, the heightened instincts that usually saved her life. She hadn't been caught in a crossfire for a year and yet now that she was in the thick of one, it was like she knew nothing else.

Peeking over the top, she could see that the Shoshones were losing. Having been caught unawares, they were at a disadvantage. She caught sight of a young Indian warrior that she had met upon entering the settlement. Waiting for her chance, she quickly fired a round of bullets for cover, then darted over to him.

"Running Bear!" She called to him.

He turned and was surprised to see her. "Doctor! You shouldn't be here! The women and children have taken cover in the center of the camp."

The enemy's fire came a little too close for comfort, and they both fired back immediately. "I want to help!" The doctor said firmly.

Suitably impressed, or too desperate to care, Running Bear nodded. "But I'm afraid you will join a losing battle."

"We haven't lost yet." She said grimly. And just as they fired another round, the odds turned to their favor as a new band of warriors suddenly arrived, fighting for the Shoshones. "Who are they?"

Running Bear looked relieved. "It's the Wampasa! Now the Renegades don't have a chance!"

The doctor nodded, recognizing the name to belong to a group of Indians from several tribes who traveled and fought together to defeat government troops and groups like the Renegades. She watched them fight and had to admire their fierce courage. Then her brown eyes widened. "Oh my God!"

"What is it?"

She couldn't believe her eyes. "That man. On the palomino. Wearing a red scarf."

Running Bear followed her gaze and nodded. "Oh yes. He rides with the Wampasa — in fact, he was one of the men who started it. Why?"

The doctor barely listened to him, too surprised to register the joy in her heart at the sight of the man. But then she watched in alarm as a few Renegades slowly closed in on him. If she didn't do something, her long lost friend would be killed before he even knew she was there. And that was unacceptable.

Without thinking, she sprang up and leapt upon a horse that had been left unattended. Running Bear screamed for her to stop but she didn't listen. Her heart pounding, she rode into the thick of the fight. From a distance, she took down one of the Renegades surrounding the one Wampasa warrior — then, taking careful aim, she killed another.

This caught the warrior's attention. He turned to see who had saved him, and his eyes widened in disbelief. "Lou?!"

She grinned. "Buck!"

#########

Lou and Buck's unconventional reunion lasted only a few seconds before the battle raging around them demanded their attention. She galloped around to join his side and they fought side by side until it looked like the Renegades were about to retreat.

Lou sighed with relief, watching the outlaws gallop away, when the hair on the back of her neck stood up. She turned her head just as a Renegade who had stayed behind was taking aim at Buck. She screamed, then spurred her horse forward. She fired her own shot just as his bullet hit her arm. Her aim hadn't been as good, and the man galloped away unscathed.

"Lou!" Buck cried, quickly getting off his horse and running to where she had fallen.

"I'm all right." She said, grimacing. At first she wasn't quite sure which was worse, the shot in her arm or the fall from her horse, but the sharp pain in her arm quickly enabled her to make up her mind. It had been awhile since she had been shot, but it was a feeling that she would have been happy not to experience again. "Go after him — don't worry about me."

Instead, Buck motioned to several Wampasas standing nearby. Without further urging, and yelling war cries, they quickly pursued the one gunman who, strangely enough, had fled in the opposite direction of his fellow Renegades. Buck slipped his arm underneath Lou's shoulders and gently helped her up.

"Surprised to see me?" She asked, grinning ear to ear.

Buck looked at her incredulously. "You could say that. You're sure you're all right?"

Lou nodded and then embraced him with her good arm. "Riding with the Wampasa, huh?" She asked.

Buck squeezed her back, and smiled, as if he was finally convinced that it was really her. "I had to find something to keep me busy." He looked at her curiously again, for her presence there was a greater mystery than his. "But, Lou, what are you doing here?"

She pointed him in the direction of her teepee. All around them, people were wounded. Lou cursed herself for getting hurt. It'd make it difficult to help the ones who really needed it. "It's a long story." She said, suddenly realizing how very long and sad a story it was. She wasn't looking forward to filling him in on all that had happened since they had last seen each other two years ago, but she knew there was no escaping it. Her heart began to race nervously.

"Well, I've got the time." Buck said, obviously consumed with curiosity.

They had reached her teepee. She invited him inside. "I'm here as a doctor." She said as she picked up her bag and began cleaning her own wound.

"You — a doctor?" Buck asked, helping her.

She gave him a teasing look. "I've been stranger things." She added, "I'm not a real doctor, but I have enough experience to be of some help to these people out here."

"Experience from what?" Buck asked, dabbing alcohol on her wound. "And where's Kid? You can't tell me he approves of you…"

The moment he said it, he realized his mistake. Of course Kid would never allow it.

"He's dead, Buck." She said softly.

Buck stumbled back as if he'd just been punched in the stomach. Feeling slightly sick, he crouched down and then put his head in his hands to try and stop the world from spinning. He felt Lou's hand touch his shoulder as lightly as a feather. "I'm sorry." She said. "He — he died in the war. About five months ago."

After taking a moment to compose himself, he looked up at her in concern. "Lou! I'm so sorry. How are you?"

Her eyes shone a bit too brightly when she shrugged. "Well, I don't know, Buck, I guess I'm all right. You just have to go on with your life, you know?"

Buck was watching her closely and he frowned, sensing that something wasn't right. "Are you going on with your life, or are trying to end it? Traveling around these parts is dangerous. You —"

"Don't start with me, Buck." Lou said sharply, blinking back the phantom tears that burned her eyes but would not fall. "I was going crazy right after we were married, anyway, what with the Pony Express disbanded and all of you had gone — but especially Kid. So I joined the army — "

"You've got to be kidding me!" Buck interjected. After Lou had masqueraded as a boy for over a year in order to ride for the Pony Express, they all had actually joked about how she could enlist in the Army the same way.

"I signed up as a nurse." Lou said, slightly relaxing again. "I didn't know much about doctorin' but I learned quickly." Her eyes got a faraway look to them. "War is such a terrible thing. So much worse than I ever imagined."

Buck could only imagine the atrocities she had seen — and might be reliving again right now. Everyone he knew had lost their innocence in the past two years since the Pony Express had ended. War would do that to a nation.

Lou shook herself out of her reverie and continued. "Anyway, Kid was fighting for the South and he was killed in battle." Her voice caught, but she forced herself to finish the story. "When I found out Kid had been killed, I just couldn't handle the war anymore."

Silently, she told herself, "Face it, Lou. You couldn't handle anything at that time." Indeed, life had lost its meaning for her for awhile. And while she had spent every day since then trying to move on with her life, now that she was confronted with a face from her past, all her memories came flooding back. She was overwhelmed with memories of the Pony Express, and especially of Kid. But it was too painful to think about, and she felt her carefully constructed world begin to crumble.

Aloud, she concluded, with forced calm. "So I left and found something else to do. Which brought me here."

Buck frowned in concern as he bandaged up her arm. "Lou, I'm so sorry."

She bent her head away from him and Buck became even more worried. "Lou?"

He thought she might be crying, and he was about to embrace her, when she flipped her head back suddenly. Although her eyes were shiny with tears, they remained defiantly unshed. "Oh Buck — seeing you, it's so wonderful, but it makes me…miss him, even more." Her voice became hoarse as she struggled to keep herself under control.

Buck reached up and stroked her brown hair that she still kept short, and marveled at how short and tiny she was. In his memories, Lou was always a lot taller and bigger than the petite woman now standing in front of him. But he supposed that was just part of the disguise Lou had maintained for so long. He wanted to grab her and pull her to him, to try and hold and comfort her. But she was still putting up a tough front, just like she'd done for all the years he'd known her.

Although there were times when Lou's compassion got the better of her. Buck would never forget the time she had come to him after Ike had died. Without a word, she had wrapped her arms around him and had held him for a long time. Somehow, she had known that it was just what he had needed. Too bad he couldn't return the favor. As usual, Lou was much more forgiving of other people's weaknesses than she was of her own.

He sighed. "I just can't believe he's gone."

"I know." She nodded, her eyes still glassy and a little wild. "Some days I still think he's going to ride up over the hill and come home to me. I have dreams where he comes and sits next to me in bed and we talk all night." She smiled up at Buck as if trying to stop thinking about it. "But what am I doing? There's people who need some help, and I'm in here talking about something that can't be helped."

Buck caught her by her good arm as she charged ahead toward the door. "Wait! What do you think you're doing?"

"People are wounded." She told him.

"You're wounded." He replied. "I'm sure most of them have been tended to by now anyway." But he knew she also didn't want to stay there and talk about Kid anymore. "Come on. I want to see if my men had any luck finding the outlaw that shot you."

Lou smiled and was easily persuaded to stay by his side. As they walked together to rejoin the rest of the Wampasa gang, Lou was able to really look at her old friend. While riding for the Express, Buck had always been proud of his half-Indian heritage, but he had maintained a conservative appearance while living with whites.

Now, however, he looked like everybody else in the settlement. He wore buckskins, and the paint on his cheeks and chest was symbolic — Lou guessed — of the Wampasa. His beautiful black hair was long and wild. His face seemed more angular and slightly harder, but his gentle spirit was still evident.

Lou had learned a lot from Buck while they had worked together. He had always shown restraint, patience and forgiveness towards those who chose to dislike him for his Indian blood. Lou had always admired him and she hadn't realized how much she had missed him until now.

But seeing him was bittersweet because it brought back such strong memories — all of which involved Kid. The months since his death she had been able to carry on by moving on. Being with Buck threw her back into her past, and made her vulnerable to her grief, which made her uneasy. Still, being with Buck brought her back, closer to herself. And while it hurt, it was also real and it made her more alive than she'd felt since Kid had died.

They were almost to the center of the settlement when the warriors Buck had sent after the lone gunman met up with them. "Did you catch him?" Buck asked.

One of the men smiled. "What do you think?" He tossed the man's scalp on the ground in front of them like a trophy.

Lou tried not to balk at the gruesome sight. She had seen horrible things in the war, but she had never been able to stomach the Indians' practice of scalping. Buck glared at the man. "You forget yourself, Eagle Feather, in the presence of a lady."

The arrogant young man was about to say something, but looked at Buck and decided against it. Buck looked as if he was ready to scalp his fellow warrior for offending Lou. Another man in the trio got off his horse and led Buck and Lou away from the scene. "Buck, we found something strange on the gunman." Running Horse said, handing Buck a piece of paper.

Both Buck and Lou gasped.

"Oh my God!" Lou cried. And then a cold chill swept through her body, making her shiver, even in the heat.

Buck noticed it, and felt the same trepidation up and down his spine. "I haven't seen this since we were in Rock Creek." He said, taking the piece of paper from his fellow warrior.

It was the picture Ike had drawn of all of them so long ago, right before he had died. Buck still carried Ike's self-portrait in his medicine pouch, keeping his friend close to him always, but this picture of all of them had mysteriously disappeared, much to everyone's dismay at the station. They had always assumed it'd blown down from the wall and had gotten thrown away by mistake. Now, years later, it turned up in the hands of a Renegade outlaw.

Buck looked over at Lou, who looked extremely troubled. "This drawing is a copy." She said, scrutinizing the paper. "Look how new it is — and how a lot of the details aren't the same." She pointed to Jimmy. "Look, Jimmy was wearing a tie in the real picture, but he's not here." Her finger moved over the paper to the image of Kid, and Buck noticed her hand started to shake. "Kid was wearing a tie, too."

Buck reached down and took her hand in his, and then held onto it, giving hers a squeeze for support. "So someone found the original — somehow — and then had it copied. But why?" And then, an idea so preposterous occurred to him that he feared it was true. "Lou — "

But she had apparently come to the same conclusion he had, for her tanned skin turned pale and cold. "That man was here to kill you, Buck. And he was using this picture as a guide."

"But why would a Renegade single me out, using this picture no less?" Buck asked.

"That man wasn't a Renegade." Running Horse said. "We found him alone, under-gunned and, frankly, he was too easy to catch to be a Renegade."

"Buck," Lou said, her eyes still focused on the portrait from their past. "Do you remember when all of Teaspoon's friends from the Texas Rangers were hunted down and killed?"

Buck nodded slowly. "You think this could be a vendetta — against all of us." And then something cold and hard knotted inside his stomach and he realized it was fear. It was the kind of fear a child feels when he hears a strange sound at night. It was the fear of monsters and boogey-men. Only now the monsters were endangering his friends — his family.

"But he's dead." Lou pointed out. "The man who tried to kill you is dead, so maybe we've stopped it in time."

"I don't know." Buck shook his head. "Someone's still out there with the original picture." Besides, he wouldn't have this knot in his stomach if it were finished. No, Buck trusted his instincts, and something told him that whatever this vendetta was, it had only just begun.

"What do we do?" Lou asked, overwhelmed with the idea. She'd already lost Kid. The thought of losing anyone else so dear to her was too much for her.

"We do what Teaspoon did." Buck answered quietly. "We find our friends and warn them before the killer hunts them down."

Riding north into Southeastern Colorado territory made the riding a little rougher, but at least the mountainous land cooled the air. After riding hard all day, Lou was grateful for at least some relief. She hated to admit it, but she wasn't used to riding like she had for the Express. Buck practically lived on his horse, since the Wampasa were nomadic, but Lou would have rather died than ask him to slow down. For all that she had lost, Lou still had her stubborn pride. Besides, there really was no time to waste.

Reaching the crest of a hill, however, Lou finally slowed down. Buck followed suit. Answering his silent question, she nodded towards a small ranch nestled in the foothills. "That's Rachel's place."

She smiled, recognizing the place as her home. She had lived there with Rachel and her husband, Thomas, when Kid had left for the war, and had used their home as a place she could always return to and feel safe throughout her months as a nurse in the war, and now as a traveling doctor. Although she was gone most of the time, Lou's heart had a permanent residence at Rachel's home.

A short ride down the hillside brought them to the ranch within minutes. Hearing the horses, Rachel came out on the porch. As soon as she saw Buck, she shrieked and ran out to meet them. "Buck?! Is that really you?" She cried, enveloping him in a hug as soon as his feet touched the ground. "It's so wonderful to see you!" She pulled back to look at him, a broad smile lighting up her pretty face. "Look at you! Handsome as ever!" She couldn't resist — she hugged him again.

Buck laughed and hugged back. "It's good to see you too Rachel. Really good."

Lou was grinning ear to ear. Rachel turned and hugged her too. "Louise! I was wondering when you'd be back. Now just how did you two manage to find one another?" But she frowned when Lou winced. "Louise! You're hurt!"

Lou shook her head. "It's nothing."

Rachel demanded to see for herself. "Let's get you inside." Rolling her eyes, she smiled. "I should have known there'd be a story behind this reunion."

They sat around the kitchen table while Lou put herself in Rachel's care. "Where's Thomas?"

"Finishing up in town, no doubt." Rachel said, indicating the food on the stove with a nod of her head. "I’m expecting him any minute now. He's late for supper." She frowned. "You two must be starving! Let me get you something to eat."

"We'll wait for your husband." Buck said politely. "Lou's told me about him, Rachel. He sounds like a real good man, and I’m happy for you."

She grinned. "He's a real good man, and he's real good-looking too!" She laughed. "Now Buck, what brings you all the way out here? And don't tell me it's just to taste my cooking again, because if that were true, you would've been to visit me a lot sooner!"

Buck laughed uneasily. "Well, Rachel, Lou and I — we have a bad feeling about something."

The shine in Rachel's eyes dulled. "A bad feeling about what?"

Pulling out the piece of paper with their likenesses on it, Buck and Lou told her everything. Rachel looked worried, and she studied the paper with both fear and nostalgia. "But why would someone want to kill you? It doesn't make sense."

Both Buck and Lou had been racking their brains to try and think of any old enemies who might want them all dead, but they couldn't come up with any likely suspects. "I don't know. I hope we're wrong about this, but I'd rather be safe than sorry."

"I agree." Rachel said. "The sooner you get to the bottom of this the better."

At that point, they could hear a horse approaching fast. Rachel got up and peeked out the window while Lou and Buck each had a hand on their guns. Talking about a possible vendetta against them was making them a little nervous.

"Who is it?"

"It's Thomas." Rachel said. "But what's his hurry?"

Thomas burst in the door, bringing an air of urgency in with him. "Rachel!" He went over to hug his wife, then turned to see Lou and Buck. "Lou! You're home!" His eyes narrowed at Buck, and then back to Lou. "And you're hurt!"

"I'm fine." She said quickly. "Thomas, this is our friend, Buck Cross. We rode together in the Pony Express."

Thomas visibly relaxed, although not completely. Something else was certainly wrong, but he smiled and shook Buck's hand. "Nice to meet you! I've heard a lot about you from Rachel."

Rachel was perplexed by her husband's urgency. "Thomas, what is the matter?"

He looked both apologetic and hesitant, then pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. "I just got this telegram for you. I'm afraid it's bad news."

Rachel accepted the telegram with trepidation, but quickly opened it and scanned its contents. She shook her head as she read and tears quickly filled her eyes. "Oh no!"

"Rachel, what is it?" Lou's voice was barely above a whisper.

"It's — it's Cody." She said. "He's been killed." Thomas enveloped her in his arms and tried to comfort her. Buck snatched the telegram from her hand.

"He was killed last week." Buck read aloud. "He was shot, but not in battle. By a sniper."

Suddenly Lou stood up and rushed out of the room, outside. Rachel looked after her in concern. Buck looked confused. "Where'd she go?"

Rachel looked as if her heart had just been broken again. "Oh no — getting the telegram…" She turned to Buck. "That's how we found out about Kid. And now Cody!"

Without another word, Buck left the room to go find her. He didn't have to look very far. She was retching by the barn. Buck wrapped an arm around her waist to steady her and to lend her some comfort. She was shaking like a leaf.

Finally her spasms subsided. Buck easily picked her up and carried her over to the front porch and quickly got her some water. Once she stopped coughing, she smiled shyly and weakly. "Thank you."

"Are you all right?" He asked, looking at her worriedly.

She nodded, drinking the rest of the water. "I just don't like telegrams that much anymore. Especially not ones with news of death."

Rachel and Thomas joined them. Rachel dropped a shawl over Lou's shoulders and gave her a reassuring squeeze. "You okay?"

Lou nodded, seeming to want to talk about something else besides herself and her well-being. "I can't believe he's dead."

Buck cleared his throat. "I think this is too much of a coincidence."

Rachel gasped. "Buck, you're right! I didn't even think about that."

"About what?" Thomas asked.

Rachel quickly told him about Buck and Lou's theory. Thomas looked very grave. "My God."

Buck and Lou exchanged silent looks. The knot of fear in their stomachs was growing bigger and colder with each passing minute. And one of their friends was already dead.

"We'll leave in the morning." Buck said quietly. "We need to end this. Now."

Lou's large brown eyes shone with both unshed tears and a growing determination. Fear of losing more of her friends was overpowering her paralyzing grief, and she was ready to do whatever it took to protect the people she cared about. Even if that meant seeing Jimmy Hickok again.

##########

The two former Express riders left Thomas and Rachel's before dawn the next day. Rachel had bid them a tearful goodbye as they rode away once again, heading East. Buck and Lou didn't stay together much longer. They had decided to split up to cover more ground.

Buck would head south to Texas where they had heard Jesse James was a Texas Ranger. Although he wasn't in the picture, they thought they'd better warn him anyway. Besides, they didn't know where Teaspoon was, and they hoped Jesse might know.

Lou would go due east to Kansas to track down Noah and Jimmy. She would have preferred to go to Texas, but it was farther and Buck was now the better rider. He would get there faster. Lou's pride stung, but something else was bothering her even more. She'd have to go to Kansas and face Jimmy.

As she waved goodbye to Buck, Lou realized how much she didn't want to see him go. As much as being around him had hurt her, reminding her of Kid, being on her own again made the ache even worse. Lou had thought she had fully grieved over Kid's death upon hearing the news. She couldn't remember the days following the telegram very well, but she hadn't stopped crying for hours at a time. She had lost the will to live for several weeks, until Rachel finally forced her to get back up on her feet and carry on.

Lou had done just that, throwing herself into her work, and thinking that the worst was behind her. But now, she wasn't so sure. Seeing Buck again had rubbed her emotional wounds raw all over again. She felt so terribly sad and alone and vulnerable again. And she missed Kid so much it hurt her. And now Cody, too.

Lou drew in a long, tremulous breath. And on top of it all, she had to see Jimmy. And tell him, face to face, that his best friend was dead. Because he still didn't know.

Lou knew that she should've told him as soon as she had learned of Kid's death. And Rachel had been incredulous when Lou had begged her not to try and contact him. But Lou hadn't been thinking clearly back then. And the last thing she had wanted at that moment in her life was Jimmy. Because she couldn't bear the thought of having the man she loved as much as Kid at Kid's funeral.

Facing these feelings again, Lou's cheeks burned with shame. She knew it wasn't right. She had been wrong to keep Kid's death a secret from Jimmy. After all, the two men had been as close as brothers. And she could just imagine what Jimmy's reaction was going to be when she finally saw him again and gave him the news. Lou wasn't afraid of much in life, but she was afraid of Jimmy's scorn. She couldn't bear the thought that Jimmy would hate her, but she knew that after what she had done, he would have every right to despise her.

Lou felt her emotions swirling around her like a tornado, but she stared straight ahead as if believing that she could ride it out, and outrace her demons. But Lou had long separated herself from her pain. Living with the grief of Kid's death had been too much for her, and so she had closed herself off. The center of her soul was frozen, and nothing could penetrate its core.

She hadn't shed a tear since she had made the decision to go on with her life, and it seemed like now she had forgotten how. So no matter how miserable or lonely she was, thinking about Kid and Jimmy and Cody, she remained dry eyed. But a pressure was slowly building within her, and with each day she was getting closer to her own destruction.

She felt like she was hanging by her hands over a deep chasm. One more push, and she would lose her grip and fall down into the darkness. At this point in her life, Lou almost welcomed the impending fall. At least then she'd know the pain would be over. She didn't even think about the possibility of someone holding out a hand to help her; she didn't want to be saved.

############

Lou rode into Springfield feeling extremely nervous. She'd stopped in Wichita — the last place she knew Jimmy's sister and her husband had lived, and had learned they'd moved to Springfield. She'd asked about Jimmy too, and Rosemary, but no one had heard of them. Although she'd never met Celinda and Nathan, Lou hoped they would help her find Jimmy. Especially since his life might depend upon it.

After making an inquiry, Lou followed directions to their place — a modest ranch a mile outside of town. She pulled up to their house and found it strangely quiet. No one came out to greet her. She slid to the ground and hopped up to the porch, gratefully stretching out her legs.

Knocking on the door, she swallowed down the butterflies that were making their way from her stomach to her throat. She knocked again, then peeked into one of the windows. "Hello? Anyone home?"

And then, the unexpected happened. She felt the round barrel of a gun pressed into her back. She held up her hands in surrender as a gruff voice asked, "Who are you?"

"I — I'm Lou McCloud." Lou replied. "I'm a friend of Jimmy Hickok's."

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm looking for him." Lou replied. "I was told his sister and brother-in-law, Celinda and Nathan, live here. I thought they could help me."

"No one's home." The man said. The gun pressed harder into her back, prodding her to go away. "Time for you to leave."

Lou stuck out her chin stubbornly. "I'm not going anywhere until I speak to Nathan or Celinda."

She heard the click of the gun as a bullet entered the chamber, ready to fire. "I said, it's time for you to leave. Whether or not you do it dead or alive is up to you."

Lou's temper flared and she was more than tempted to let this man shoot her, although she wasn't going to let him shoot her with her back turned. She spun around and glared at him. The man was large and imposing, with a cowboy hat pulled down low over his steely eyes. But Lou was unimpressed. "Go ahead." She snapped, her eyes afire. "You want to shoot me? Then do it." She held out her hands and offered herself as a willing target.

The man was taken aback, and he looked at her as if she had lost her mind. "What the —"

"Shoot me." Lou whispered, stepping toward the man. She looked at him almost seductively, as if wooing him to put an end to her recently troubled life. "Kill me!"

The man stepped back and dropped his gun to his side, thinking that perhaps Lou was going to kill him instead. He wasn't quite sure if she was completely human — she certainly didn't look it. But then, a young woman came to the door and ended their strange stand off. "Henry? What's going on here?"

Lou seemed to snap out of her spell, and glanced over at the woman. "Celinda?"

"Yes."

"My name's Lou McCloud. I need to speak with you, please."

Celinda looked thoughtful. "Your name is familiar to me."

"I rode with the Pony Express with your brother." Lou told her. "I'm here looking for him and a friend of ours, Noah Dixon."

Celinda nodded. "Please come in." She glanced at Henry, who was still looking at Lou with both distrust and wariness. "I’m sorry if Henry frightened you, but we have to be so careful."

Lou realized they still must be running the Vigilance Committee, even as the war still raged on. It would also explain Jimmy and Noah's presence there. The two friends had always shared strong abolitionist views. "Of course." Although Lou was ready to be civil with Celinda, she wasn't about to let her guard down around Henry.

Lou followed her into the house, leaving Henry at his post on the front porch, and gratefully accepted the offer of lemonade. She followed Celinda into the kitchen, not wanting to waste any time. "Where's Jimmy? And Noah? Are they here?"

"Why are you looking for them?" Celinda asked somewhat guardedly.

Lou fought down her growing impatience. "A friend of ours, Cody — William F. Cody — was killed last week. And I'm here to let them know about it." It was partly the truth. The rest of the story would reveal itself soon enough.

Celinda's eyes softened. "I'm so sorry." She handed Lou the lemonade and then offered a chair. Both women sat down. "Jimmy and Noah aren't here right now, but they should be back later this afternoon."

As Celinda brushed back some stray strands of hair, Lou noticed that her hands trembled. "Are you all right?"

Celinda looked up quickly, surprised by the question. "Why, yes. I just get nervous — worried." She sighed, exasperated by her own inability to lie out of politeness. "I'm sorry. It's just that, my husband, Nathan, was killed in a raid 3 months ago and my nerves, they're not what they used to be."

Instantly, Lou's heart went out to her. "I'm so sorry." She leaned forward and said quietly. "I know what you must be going through. My husband was killed a few months ago in the war."

Celinda looked shocked, her eyes brimming with the unstoppable tears of a recent widow. "Kid?"

Lou's eyes filled once more with phantom tears that still refused to be shed. "Yes." She whispered.

The two women looked into one another's eyes and recognized in the other a soul mate, bound by a common tragedy and grief. They each suddenly smiled, relaxed, and began talking as if they had known each other for years.

"I need to speak with Jimmy and Noah as soon as possible." Lou told her after she had finished her drink. "Is there any way I can go find them?"

Celinda shook her head. "I don't even know where they are. They were going to go check out a potential raid, but I don't know where."

Suddenly, Henry burst into the room, supporting a young man bleeding profusely from a wound on his head. "We've got trouble." Henry said grimly before depositing the young man into a chair and then disappearing into the living room.

Both women shot up from their seats. Lou immediately rushed to the wounded man's side. "He's been shot. He needs to lie down."

But the man shook his head. "Don’t worry about me. It's the others. We were ambushed…"

Lou and Celinda exchanged frightened glances. Without further haste, they ran outside to the horses, only to find Henry and four other men who had apparently been waiting inside the house for just such a crisis were about to leave. "Where do you think you're going?"

"To help them!" Celinda replied impatiently.

Henry glared at Lou, but she glared back fiercely. "We don't have time to lose. I'm a doctor. Take us to where they are!"

Henry got up on his horse. "All right. Come with me."

The seven of them galloped away, wasting no more time. Luckily they didn't have very far to go. After just a mile or so, they came around a grove of trees and were suddenly fired upon. Lou drew her gun and began firing back, trying in vain to find her friends.

On her second swing back into the gunfight, Lou swung off her horse and ran over to a few fallen men to see if she could help them. Most of them were hurt, but not critically. But then she spotted one man laying face down on the grass and she recognized his tall frame instantly. "Noah!"

Her heart in her throat, she ran over to his side and rolled him over. He looked terrible. There was so much blood on him that Lou couldn't tell where he'd been hit. But she worked quickly and calmly to try and stabilize him. She breathed a little easier once she realized he looked a lot worse than he was. Still he wasn't ready to jump up and continue to fight.

She heard the gunfire stop and realized the Vigilance Committee must have prevailed once their reinforcements had arrived. And then she was rewarded when Noah's eyes fluttered open. She watched him closely for signs of disorientation. But when he focused on her, his eyes grew wide with disbelief.

"Lou?"

She smiled. "Hi Noah. Long time no see."

"I must've gotten hit harder than I thought." He said, still not believing she was really there. He tried to sit up, but Lou gently pushed back down.

"You need to rest." Lou told him, turning to get some bandages from her small first aid kit that she always carried with her. "I'm going to fix you up a little."

At that point, she heard someone approaching. When she turned around, she felt as if she'd been turned to stone. James Butler Hickok was walking straight towards her.