DUDE - THAT WAS THE BIGGEST DAM FISH I EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!
One chilly September 1999 day in Indiana, Me and my drunk buddy Bob decided to go fishing again, for the 52nd time that year (no joke). We went! We spent $35.00-$40.00 on beer, bait & ice, found a nice open, secluded spot to fish with ten poles, get really really drunk, and build a monsterously huge fire.
We sat there all day long and It was getting pretty drunk out!
Drunk enough that we were eating the dogfood. From about 12pm till 2am - 10 poles in the water, using all the baits you can think of - and we never even got a good bite, ya know, when your pole starts to slide across the ground. We didn't even catch any carp, perch or bluegill.
Nothing - except a very killer buzz.....
After 13-14 beers each, my buddy Bob became agitated, and went up to the car to go to sleep. So me, being the drunk adventurist, grabbed one of my good powerful catfish poles (named Whiskers), the last 3 beers, a bucket of dead stinky chub minnows, and one of his shitty little poles (Why not? It is not like he was watching it) and walked up close to some little shack.
I sat there 2 hours with no bite. I Didn't get it!
Each line had about 6 big minnows on it with their heads chopped off. I thought there was just no fish in that river, so I decided to call it a bad day, and reeled in my monster pole Whiskers. (Whiskers could probably pull in a shark. )
I took the last drink of beer, tossed in the rest of the bait, and then I noticed my eyes were turning yellow, - so right there in front of God and everyone else, I pulled out the other monster pole - and let ' er pour. Just as the flow got to going really good, ya know - when you couldn't stop even if you wanted to, I thought I heard something sliding across the ground, so I looked over my shoulder and...................
HOLY SHIT !
It was his shitty little pole sliding across the gravel heading straight for the river. With my monster still hanging out, and pissing all over myself, I grabbed the pole just before it hit the water. Now with a pole in each hand - I lifted the fishing pole, and he took off with a furious burst of shear fishy power I have never before felt. The drag started screamming................
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa - Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Now with my pants down to my knees, pissing all over myself, and both hands holding on to this pole - The drag continued to scream. I must of fought this monster for an hour, reeling in about 20 feet, and he would take off on a run for about twenty yards, the drag screaming every time, louder and louder.
As I finally got him to wear down some, I started getting him in closer and closer and closer, and my balls were getting colder and colder and colder. (you know about the cold thing right?)
I knew I was getting him closer. As I was looking to get a view of him, I thought I was looking at a tree. I thought I had lost him, and now hung up on this fuckin tree. Just as I started to think "AWWWWWW " ..........
WAAAAAAAAAAAA - WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
That tree took off swimming with another burst of pure fishy power. He was getting tired and so was I. He was not making it very easy though. Everytime I got him close, he took off. He really did not want to be seen, but I finally out lasted him, and got him close enough for a good view! Now I am thinking.................
DUDE - THAT is THE BIGGEST DAM FISH I have EVER SEEN IN MY FUCKIN LIFE!
Now I was scared, shaking all over, and pissing my pants(literally). Once again the mother fucker took off on me. Being it was a small pole, I was holding it kinda parallel to the water so he would not break the pole, because he could've snapped it like a twig. But that little pole still just could not handle the fury of a big bad ass flathead weighing in at about 60 -70 pounds. That little plastic piece that holds the reel in place is just not meant to withstand about 60 pounds of pressure, and It broke in half. The reel went flying to the ground, and one more time he took off in a burst of fishy power. The reel took off towards the bottom eye of the pole, got wrapped up in it and.........................
SNAP - HE WAS GONE !
Broke the mother fuckin line. There I was, drunk as a skunk, my pants down to my ankles, frozen nads, pissed on, pissed off, and very awake. I just lost the biggest dam fish I ever seen in my life. I pulled up my wet pants, kicked the dirt with my wet shoes, and went and grabbed the pole I just threw about 20 yards.
I was so pissed off I woke up my buddy, stumbled all around the car bitching my brains out, about him having a plastic pole, and I said.............................
DUDE - THAT was THE BIGGEST DAM FISH I have EVER SEEN IN MY FUCKIN LIFE!
Then I passed out!
Why does the biggest fish always have to pick on the smallest pole ?
Why do you always get a good bite while you are pissing ?
Why does someone put 20 lb test line on a shitty little plastic pole ?
I guess some questions have no answers.
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