DISCLAIMER: I did not create the characters in this story. I claim no ownership or legal right to their usage. They appear here with many thanks to the author who first dreamed them, and admiration to Russell Crowe, who brought Hando to life.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I would like to say that I am not a white supremacist. If you don't like reading about skinheads, or will be offended by them, please do not read this story. And please remember, there is a difference between explanation and justification.
"Hando"
by Thalassa
Kelly wiped down the bar and turned as she heard the door open. She stood firm when she saw the group of skinheads come in. She didn’t like their politics, but she was used to it. She’d moved here from Alabama, and she’d seen her share of good old boys who felt the same way these kids did. She’d take their money, and serve them their beer, and send them on their way.
“What’ll ya have, boys?” she asked.
The leader, a tall young man turned at her accent.
“You’re not from here,” he pronounced solemnly.
“Nope, honey, I’m not, but I can serve ya a beer. What do you want?”
He looked at her with deep-set eyes. “Whose job did you take to serve me beer?”
Kelly wiped her hands on her apron. “I inherited this bar when my aunt died. She married an Australian and he left her the bar. Now, do you want a beer or do you want to leave? I don’t allow loitering.”
The pack dogs in this group muttered amongst themselves as the leader stood up. He towered over her, but she faced him calmly. He glowered at her, then started to laugh when she refused to back down.
“I think I like you, love! We’ll all have a beer.”
She grinned at him, then turned and was surprised at the slap on her ass as she walked away. She turned back and said, “I’d damned well better get a tip for that.”
He laughed louder and she went to get the beer.
After they’d all had a few, she noticed the leader talking quietly, then the rest of the group filed out sullenly, leaving him behind. He was watching her with those hooded eyes as she served other patrons. Despite his politics and god-awful tattoos, he could have been handsome, she decided. But he was going to have to have a damned good therapist someday. She didn’t need that sort of problem!
As the crowd thinned, he came over to the bar and she frowned to see him serving himself another draft. “Just what do you think you’re doing?” she asked. He smiled. “Helping you, love. I’ll pay for everything. Just thought you were busy.”
He was charming. He gave her a little grin that said he knew she noticed. Kelly tried to fight smiling back, but she couldn’t hold it. Those dark eyes of his sparkled as she started to laugh.
“You think you’re hot shit, don’t you boy? I ain’t scared of you.”
His grin widened. “You should be.”
“I don’t think so. I’ve got cousins that wear sheets too, and I ain’t scared of them. Kicked some of their asses when we were growing up.”
He threw his head back with a loud laugh that startled some of the patrons. “You’re a wildcat aren’t you? Where are you from?”
She blushed a little and said, “Alabama, in the United States. Ever heard of it?”
He frowned a little and said, “They bombed blacks there, right?”
She nodded. “Yea,” he said, “I read about it. I suppose you think they were wrong?”
She nodded again. “Doesn’t matter what you think an adult has done to you, no reason to kill children.”
“Children grow up.” His eyes were hard and cold.
“I think you need to leave now,” she said, just as coldly.
He threw some money on the bar and was gone. And she wondered what had made him that way. She stood looking at the door until she heard a customer calling her for a refill.
It was several days before he came back. It was just after lunch, and the bar was nearly empty when she heard a quiet clearing of a throat behind her. She turned and was surprised to see him looking nearly contrite.
“I read some more,” he said. “You were right. Killing children in a church is going pretty far.”
She smiled at him. “All of it is going too far, but yes, killing children in a church is probably the worst.”
“Will you serve me now?” he asked, with a sidelong look that she felt in her soul. Damn this man. He was handsome.
She poured him a beer, and he sat at the bar. “What’s your name?” he asked.
“I’m Kelly. You?”
“Hando.”
“Hando. That’s different.”
He chuckled as he sipped his beer. “Yeah, I was always handy around the shop, so my Dad called me that. My real name is David, but no one calls me that.”
She smiled at him. “I like David better.”
He looked up, and there was a haunted look about him. “David died a long time ago. He doesn’t exist any more.”
She wiped at the bar. “Where’d you get all the tattoos?”
He smiled again. “Around. My mates are pretty good at them.”
“Didn’t it hurt?”
“Pain’s a part of life, love. Haven’t you learned that by now?”
“Sure it is. But you don’t have to intentionally inflict pain. On yourself or anyone else.”
He looked up and gave a fierce look. “If you’re not causing it, you’re feeling it.”
“God, what a lousy cliché,” she said as she rolled her eyes.
“What the fuck do you know about it?” he asked angrily.
“I know that’s just damned stupid. I thought you were smarter than that.”
He stopped looking angry long enough to look surprised. “You did?”
She nodded. He cocked his head to the side. “Why?”
“You took the time to read up on Birmingham. You’re not a stupid man. Misinformed, obviously, but not stupid.”
He took a quick drink and chuckled wryly. “Misinformed, eh? Honey, you don’t know a damned thing about me.”
Kelly looked up at the clock. “I’ll be off at dinnertime. Pick me up then and you can tell me how I’m wrong about you.”
She turned and went to another customer’s table before Hando could answer, but he grinned and finished his beer, then left.
He was lounging against the door when she tossed her apron under the bar at quitting time. She told her employees she’d see them tomorrow, and grabbed her purse. They looked shocked when she walked out with the skinhead, but they never knew what to expect from this crazy American.
Hando walked next to her, whistling something, and finally she stopped walking and looked at him. “Where are we going?”
“I dunno,” he answered. “Where do you want to go?”
She pondered for a minute, then said, “Let’s just grab something off a cart and go sit in the park.”
He frowned a little, but agreed. After they were seated, she asked, “What was wrong with coming here? You didn’t look happy about it.”
“Too many people around.”
“You ashamed of how you look?” she asked as she took a bite of her sandwich.
“Fuck no,” he answered with a little growl. “I just can’t stand looking at all those damned foreigners.”
She chuckled. “I’m a damned foreigner. And you bought me a sandwich.”
He looked sheepish. “Yea, but you’re different.”
“I’m white.”
“Well, yeah, but you got your bar the legal way.”
“Want to tell me how else you get property here?”
He was wolfing down his food, and he swallowed and said, “You can always have something condemned so you can buy it cheaper.”
“But if it’s condemned, you don’t get to keep it. You have to tear it down and rebuild, right?”
He nodded, “Yeah, but you can buy prime property for nothing, then tear down the building that’s there and build yourself a fucking teriyaki restaurant.”
She sighed. “Is that all you ever think about? How you hate other people?”
He cast a sidelong look at her. “No,” and then he grinned wickedly. “I’ve been thinking about how to get you into bed.”
Her jaw dropped, then she burst out laughing. “My God, Hando! At least I know you’re not playing games!”
His eyes were wicked as he grinned, and then he leaned over and captured her mouth with his. She laughed against him, and then pushed him back. He looked puzzled.
“I don’t sleep with Nazis, Hando.”
His grin faded into a scowl. “Fuck you.” He stood up and started to stalk away, then whirled around to face her again. “And where the fuck do you get off thinking you’re so goddamned holy? You’ve never had a racist thought in that pretty little head of yours?”
“Everyone has, Hando. Doesn’t mean you have to try to kill them all.”
He glared at her as he paced back and forth angrily. “I just want them to go back where they belong.”
“Why do you hate them?”
“None of your fucking business.”
“It’s my fucking business if I want to know you, and goddamn it David, I do.”
He froze in place. “I told you not to call me that. I’m not David.”
“Yes you are. Your parents called you David. Where are your parents now?”
His eyes were cold. “They’re dead too. They’re fucking dead, and the gooks killed them. Are you happy now?”
Kelly looked at the ground. “I’m sorry. Will you tell me what happened?”
“No, I will not tell you what happened. Just fucking drop it.” His face was clouded, and she reached her hand out to him. He turned away, so she stood and moved closer to him. She put a hand on his broad shoulder, and felt the tension there.
“Look, my flat’s not far from here,” she said softly. “Let’s go have a drink.”
He looked back at her. “Thought you didn’t sleep with Nazis.”
“I didn’t say I was going to sleep with you. I said let’s go have a drink.”
He gave her a half-smile, but she could see he was still not in the mood for laughing. She slipped her arm through his, and they headed off down the sidewalk, ignoring the stares of people around them.
She unlocked the door and flipped the light switch. “Come in. I don’t bite.”
He grinned again then. “I was hoping you would.”
She rolled her eyes and he laughed. She pointed down the hall. “Loo’s there if you need it. Beer okay?”
“Beer’s great.” He sat on the couch and looked almost hungrily at her bookshelf. “Quite the bookworm, aren’t you?”
She laughed a little as she disappeared into the small kitchen. He heard the sound of bottles clinking as she said, “I love to read. Good way to pass time in the evening.”
He chuckled. “Ever heard of going out? Or partying?”
She came in with the opened bottles. “Sure, but I don’t really know anyone here yet. I only moved here a few months ago.”
“I’d invite you to my parties, but I don’t think you’d like the company,” he said with a wry grin.
She smiled. “Thanks anyhow.”
“Cheers,” he toasted as he took a long drink. “Look, I’m sorry about earlier. I just don’t want to talk about my past.”
“I don’t give up easy,” she warned him.
He looked at her and smiled warmly. “I imagine you don’t. Tell me about America.”
She chuckled. “It’s the land of the free?” Her eyes sparkled with amusement. “I miss it. It’s home. I don’t know what else to say.”
He smiled at her. “I understand. This is home for me. Can’t imagine leaving it.”
He was relaxing now, smiling more, and she realized he had the most intriguing eyes she’d ever seen. When he had been angry, they had been dark blue and cold. Now they were more green, and warm, and the little crinkles at the edge of them…. She shook off the feeling. Don’t get too close, she warned herself. He’s dangerous. She took another long drink of her beer.
He was watching her closely, observing her eyes and the flush on her cheeks. She wanted him. And for once in his life, he didn’t want to just fuck her and leave. Something about this Yank girl fascinated him. Maybe the fact that she wasn’t scared of him. Maybe the fact that she was smart, and funny, and she wanted him. He shook his head and took another long drink.
“What?” she asked.
He looked up in surprise. “What what?”
“You shook your head.”
“Just thinking. Why did you ask me out?”
She blushed now. “I don’t know. You’re interesting.”
He grinned. “Interesting, eh? Why’d ya blush before you said that?”
She blushed more furiously, and he leaned in closer. His voice was soft, but his eyes were heated as he murmured, “Why did you ask me out?”
She raised her eyes to his, and said firmly, “Because you’re sexy, and you’re interesting, and being from the South, I’ve always loved a lost cause.”
Those green eyes crinkled at the edges again, then he kissed her.
She resisted him for a moment, pushing half-heartedly against his broad chest, then surrendered to him with a hunger that surprised her. His mouth was hot and soft on hers, his strong hands pulling her closer to him as he devoured her. He pulled back once, searching her eyes for a moment, then forcefully kissed her again.
Kelly’s arms were around his neck, and she slid one hand up, and was startled into pulling away when her brain registered the stubble on top of his head. He looked up with half-closed eyes. “What’s wrong?” he panted, reaching to kiss her again. “Hando, I can’t.” She extricated herself from his grip, and stood on shaky legs. He fell back against the couch with a frustrated sigh. She felt involuntary tears come to her eyes. “I just can’t. You’re a skinhead.”
Hando closed his eyes. “I’m more than a skinhead.”
“How do I know that? You won’t talk to me. Look, you’d better leave.”
She turned and went into the kitchen. Hando stood and headed for the door, then stopped, and followed her.
“Kelly,” he said softly. “What do you want me to tell you? That I’ll change? I won’t. That this is a phase I’m going through? It’s not.”
She turned and he realized she was crying. “Why? That’s all I want to know. Why are you a man I cannot be with? Because I will not sleep with a skinhead.”
He looked up at the ceiling, and reached to pull her into his arms where she broke into real sobs. He pulled out a chair from the table, and sat down, holding her on his lap. He stroked her hair for a moment, and said softly, “I’ll tell you some of it, all right? And then I’ll leave like you want me to.”
She felt so safe against this dangerous man. She could hear his heart, beating strongly, and then the rumble of his voice as he began to talk. “I was nine, all right. My parents owned the shop I told you about. It was in Footscray. You know where that is?” She nodded. He went on. “Anyhow, we weren’t rich. Shit, we ate a lot of beans, you know? But my dad was so proud of that fucking shop. And when the gooks-” Kelly slapped his chest. He chuckled softly. “Sorry, the Vietnamese wanted to buy it, he wouldn’t sell.”
Kelly looked up. “The Vietnamese? Not the entire nation, right?”
He looked down at her. “Just listen, all right?”
She rested her head back against his chest.
“No, it was just some company. Doesn’t matter who it was. They sent a couple of goons over to convince my dad he needed to sell the shop to them. They wanted the property for a hotel. Dad refused to sell. He told them to leave us alone, and they left. They came back that night and started a fire.”
Kelly looked up in horror. He continued, not looking at her. “We lived above it, and Mum smelled the smoke. She woke my dad, and he ran downstairs to see if he could stop it. They were waiting at the bottom of the stairs with a club. Mum started screaming, and they came up after us. Seems the fire was really just a distraction. One of them grabbed Mum, and he raped her before he hit her with the club too. Then they left.”
Kelly looked up at him. He was staring at the wall. She wanted to caress his cheek, but she sensed he had more to say, and she didn’t want to even remind him she was here. He licked dry lips, and said, “Mum didn’t make it. He hit her too hard. I crawled down the stairs and Dad was alive, but he was hurt bad. The fire was almost out, and I crawled out onto the walk to try to get help. Took forever to get there. Dad died the next day. They sent me to a home, but I ran away when I was better. Lived on my own since then.”
Kelly was still silent. She knew there was more. He blinked, and then looked down at her.
“I’ll go now.”
She shook her head. “No, David, there’s more.”
He shook his head back. “No, you’ve heard it all. Now, just let me go. I won’t bother you any more.”
“You’re not leaving,” she said softly. “Come to bed.”
He gave her a bitter smile. “No, love. You don’t want me.”
She reached up then, and caressed his rough cheek. “Come to bed. I want you to hold me.”
And she wanted to hold him. He needed someone tonight. She could tell he hadn’t opened these wounds in years. She stood, and gently took his hand to lead him into her bedroom.
He stopped her at the door. “I really should go. You don’t need my shit.”
She pulled on the neck of his shirt to pull his mouth down to hers, and she murmured softly against it, “I need you tonight.”
He lifted her against him, kissing her hungrily again, but this time there was a sense of desperation. He did need her, she realized deliriously as he laid her back on the bed. He needed her badly tonight.
He kissed her neck, licking and biting, making soft growling sounds in his throat as he unfastened her shirt. She stroked her hands over his hard body, feeling the muscles under the tight tee shirt he was wearing. He stood, stripping the shirt off, then went back to her. She could feel the sweat slickened skin now, and she drew her nails up his back as he fastened his mouth over her hard nipple. He nursed hard, sending spikes of pain and pleasure through her, like an electric charge. She arched her back, clutching him closer, and he fumbled with the buttons on her jeans before yanking them down roughly. He stood again, and she hurriedly sat up to rub her face against the large bulge in his jeans like a cat. He tangled his hand in her hair, and started to reach for the zipper, but she beat him to it.
She dragged it down slowly, stroking the bulge as it grew larger. She looked up to see his eyes were closed, head thrown back, savoring every sensation. She drew his hard cock out, rubbing the head over her lips, feeling the first threads of fluid coat them. She licked him, covering his hardness with tiny flicks of her tongue. He groaned, and pushed her onto her back again. “Can’t wait love…. Need to be inside you,” he growled as he mounted her.
She wrapped her legs around his slender waist as he drove in hard. He pumped her roughly, driving the demons away from him for now. She gasped and clung to him, knowing nothing she did would hurt this man. She clawed and cried out, biting his shoulder as she came repeatedly. When he came, he clenched his teeth and growled loudly, biting deeply into her neck as his body shuddered with pleasure.
He collapsed on her, breathing hard, his heart pounding, and tears slowly leaking from his closed eyes. She held him, stroking his back and his neck, and pretended she didn’t feel them on her breast.
He fell asleep for a while, and Kelly stared at the ceiling, still gently touching him. What was she thinking? He was an animal, not a human, wasn’t he? Sure, something terrible had happened to him, and she was sure even more than he had told her, but was that justification? He’d already told her he wouldn’t change. She wasn’t sure he could change if he wanted to. She bent her neck to kiss the top of his head. Right now he seemed so vulnerable, so gentle. She could feel she would be sore tomorrow after the rough sex they’d had, but right now, he slept in her arms like an exhausted child.
When she felt him stir, she let him roll away from her. He lay still, staring at the ceiling just as she had. Finally, she turned towards him, resting her arm over his flat stomach. He wrapped one arm around her, but she could tell he wasn’t comfortable. After a few minutes, he said, “I have to go. Got to see if my mates made it home tonight.”
Kelly closed her eyes. “I don’t want you to go. They’ll be all right.”
“They need me.”
They lay in silence again. After a few more minutes, he cleared his throat and said, “I need a smoke. Do you mind?”
She told him no, and told him there was an ashtray on the dresser with safety pins in it.
He stood and found his discarded clothes on the floor. He extricated his pack of cigarettes and matches, and then padded across the floor to the dresser. She heard the pins being dumped out, then he came back to bed.
In the flare of light from the match, she could see his face was haunted again. The demons hadn’t left him.
“Stay with me,” she whispered. “Just tonight.”
He pulled her close to him again. “All right, baby.”
She closed her eyes, stroking her hand over his skin. For all the marring of the tattoos, in the dark, his skin was soft and smooth. She felt him kiss the top of her head. For all his bravado, he was gentle. She could hear the crackle of the cigarette as he drew on it, and the soft glow of the tip brightened briefly. She snuggled closer, and fell asleep against him. He finished his cigarette, carefully put the ashtray on the floor, and turned towards her, feeling her head tuck just under his chin. He wanted to protect her, even if it meant from him.
To Be Continued...