To finish the lyric, "End is the only part of the word that I heard…call me morbid, or absurd, but to me, coming from you…etc." The basic rule of successful friendships after relationships is this: you have to start out with the friendship. If you don’t have that, an end is all there can be. You can’t fuck someone, tell them you love them, want to be with them, and then pull the ‘friend’ card out of your ass. Sorry, Charlie…it just doesn’t work that way. The sad part of it is, people usually think it does.
For example's sake, let’s say the average person has 10 relationships in their lifetime, two or three of which are serious. And let me just clear this up…this is an EXAMPLE. I don’t want to hear any "my first love was my true love, and we’ve lived happily ever after" stories, because if that’s true, you’re a fucking freak, and need to be shot, ok? Moving on…10 relationships, two or three serious…Of those 10 relationships, you’ll be lucky to have one friend out of the bunch. Sure, you might exchange a polite phone call or e-mail with three, maybe even four or five of them once in a great while, but other than that, you won’t know what the hell is going on in their lives, and more importantly, you won’t care. The astounding factor in this is that more than likely at least 8 of them had the "let’s be friends" ending. Right now, you’re probably lucky to remember all of their names.
People don’t like to think about that stuff, though. So instead of saying what they REALLY feel to the "let’s be friends" offender, they say "sure, why not" and then actually expect it to happen that way. No, no, no, no, NO…A thousand times NO. I know what’s on your mind when they say this…Let me set it up for you: He (or she) says "Let’s be friends." You get that glazed-over look in your eyes and immediately your brain starts spouting out a thousand thoughts a nanosecond. Things you would absolutely love to say. Things that deserve to be said. Things that SHOULD be said. Things that would end the "let’s be friends" phenomenon forever! No, they’re things that you push aside, bite your tongue, and say "sure, why not," instead. Why? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? I don’t get it.
Say what’s on your mind, damnit! Say those thousands of things that are screaming to get out. SAY THEM!
"Excuse me?!? You want to be what? Friends?? Tell me, what kind of friends would we be exactly? Friends that fuck? Oh wait, sorry that goes against the whole definition of ‘friends.’ So let’s see here…Friends that go to dinner? Oh, no…no wait, that could be considered a date, so dinners are totally out of the question. Movies? No, wait…same thing. Wait, wait, wait…friends share confidences, right? So I can tell you about the people I fuck, and you can tell me about the people you fuck. Wait, no…I really don’t think I want to hear about that…So WHAT THE FUCK IS THERE? You seriously expect me to sit here, shut off ALL my feelings for you, and accept your friendship? Sorry, wrong number…I don’t think so. You’re a fucking asshole; I don’t need it. Buh-bye." That’s what should be said, if not more.
Humans are the only creatures in this world stupid enough to have the "let’s be friends" philosophy. I don’t see monkeys out there going "You know, thanks for sharing your bananas, and that whole bug-picking thing was really great of you, but I just want to be friends." Yes, I’m ignoring the fact that monkeys and most other non-human animals on this planet can’t speak, but do you really think that if they could they’d be that fucking gullible?
I can just see it now…When this planet is discovered by what is actually the intelligent life in this universe, they’d start out by saying "Wow, you guys are a lot more advanced than we thought you’d be but…you still have that whole "let’s be friends" thing? So your entire race is not only masochistic, but also incredibly moronic. Yeah, we’ll see you in a few million years when you’ve gotten past this." Then they’ll take off ASAP for the planet in Betelgeuse whose dominant species is slugs. My only hope is they take me with them.
Until further divine inspiration, I remain
Your friend,
OnyxSkye
