WOO-HOO it's Tax Day!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let's all get nekkid and jump in the hot tub! Oh wait...been there, done that...ummmmm...Let's do a little dance...make a little love...get down tonight (get down tonight). I LOVE tax day!!! No, really i do. Yes, i am twisted. If y'all hadn't realized that by now, there was no hope you'd figure it out on your own. But i guess i should explain a little of this bizarre love...Do i enjoy paying taxes? NO. Do i enjoy doing them? Nuh-uh. So what is it that i DO like about it? Watching all the procrastinators scurry around trying to make that last-second (11:59:59) deadline. That is SO much fun...admit it, you enjoy it too. Or are you guilty of it? Hmmmmmm? I know i am...
Even tho i know i'm not going to win, i nominate myself Non-Extention-Filing Tax Procrastinator of the Year. I do think i have a pretty strong case for it, tho...
Exhibit A: I've had my taxes done for about two months. I did them at my parents house on my mom's puter using dad's macintax (wich is the most painless way to do your taxes that i've discovered thus far)
Exhibit B: The moment i discovered i wasn't getting a refund from either the feds or the state, i told my parents i forgot to turn off my stove, drove two hours home and didn't visit them for a month and a half. So my tax forms sat in my mother's office unsigned, unwanted, unloved and unfortunately, unforgotten (the rents called me every other day asking me when i would be down to sign them)
Exhibit C: When i finally did go see my parents (last week) i waited until 10 minutes before i had to leave to sign them, write both checks (totalling $190...not TOO bad, if you have at least $200 in your account...uhhhhhhh) and beg my father for the money to cover them...ok, that's not true, he wrote me a check, i threatened to tear it up, then i regained my sanity.
Exhibit D: When my father asked me if i wanted him to mail them, or if i wanted to, i said that i would, because i had some bills to mail anyway. That was last Tuesday. *Glances over her right shoulder to the two envelopes lying next to her on the floor*...hmmmmm... United States Treasury...wonder what that could be...)
The way i figure it, i've got three hours to get to the post office. Lucky for me, the P.O. is only about three blocks away. Averaging a block an hour (i like to dawdle), i'll get there right on time. Of course, in order to meet my three hour walk time, i have to finish this up in the next 20 minutes...damn pressure.
Being the loving, caring daughter that i am, i'm going to blame my parents for the fact that i have to pay taxes this year. This is a two-part issue...Part one is simple: they love me so much, they want to make sure i have money when i get older (you know, 20 years from now...it's going to do me *so* much good then...NOT... i want it NOW...LOL) so they put a considerable amount into a kinda 'trust fund thingy' that i have to pay taxes on...yuck...Part two is slightly more complex...they moved (which wasn't their fault, but hey) and then i decided to move back (as a reminder: it was temporary insanity that drove me to it) so i had to split my taxes between two different counties, AND pay the state too...OK, so that's MY fault, not theirs...but i'm going to blame them anyway. I'm like that.
Why do we have to go thru this torture anyway? Like the IRS is going to audit me for the stinkin $70 that i owed the big guys (tho after this, they just might...it'd be my luck). Like my $70 is going to make THAT big of a difference..what, that'll buy a stapler, right? Or maybe that will just guy the staples, i'm not up on my 1999 Gov't office supplies costs.
I had almost $400 taken out for Social Security, money that i will NEVER see again. I earned it, I deserve it. I'm sorry, but if you didn't think ahead far enough to secure your retirement, i don't want to pay for it. That's MY money...oh God, i'm getting political...time to run and hide...besides, my 20 minutes is just about up...T-minus 3 minutes and counting....
