Italic type indicates spoken lines.
Act I
(The audience enters in the theatre to discover a stage bare of curtains.
At stage left looms a metal sculpture intended to represent: (a) a totem
pole/Christmas tree that stands in an abandoned lot, (b) a wood burning
stove with a snaky chimney that is at the center of MARK and ROGER's loft
apartment, and (c) in Act II, a church steeple. On stage the five-musician
band performs under a wooden platform surrounded by railing. The wooden
platform has a staircase on the upstage side. Downstage left is a black,
waist-high rail fence. Once the audience is in the theatre, CREW and BAND
MEMBERS move about informally onstage in preparation for Act I.
ROGER DAVIS, carrying an electric guitar, enters upstage left and
crosses to a guitar amp sitting on a chair at center stage. He casually
plugs his guitar into the amp and adjusts levels, then crosses downstage
and sits on the table.
After a few chords, the COMPANY, led by MARK COHEN, enters from all
directions and fills the stage. MARK sets up a small tripod and a 16mm
movie camera downstage center, aimed upstage. He addresses the audience.)
MARK
We begin on Christmas Eve with me, Mark, and my roommate, Roger.
We live in an industrial loft on the corner of 11th street and Avenue B,
the top floor of what was once a music publishing factory. Old rock 'n'
roll posters hang on the walls. They have Roger's picture advertising gigs
at CBGB's and the Pyramid Club. We have an illegal wood burning stove;
its exhaust pipe crawls up to a skylight. All of our electrical appliances
are plugged into one thick extension cord which snakes its way out a window.
Outside, a small tent city has sprung up in the lot next to our building.
Inside, we are freezing because we have no heat.
(MARK turns the camera to ROGER)
Smile!
Top
TUNE UP #1
MARK
December 24th, Nine PM
Eastern Standard Time
From here on in
I shoot without a script
See if anything comes of it
Instead of my old shit
First shot -- Roger
Tuning the Fender guitar
He hasn't played in a year
ROGER
This won't tune
MARK
So we hear
He's just coming back
From half a year of withdrawal
ROGER
Are you talking to me?
MARK
Not at all
Are you ready? Hold that focus -- steady
Tell the folks at home what you're doing Roger ...
ROGER
I'm writing one great song --
MARK
The phone rings.
ROGER
Saved!
MARK (to audience)
We screen
Zoom in on the answering machine!
(An actor places a telephone on a chair and we see MARK'S MOM in
a special light.)
Top
VOICE MAIL #1
ROGER & MARK'S OUTGOING MESSAGE
"Speak" ... ("Beeeep!")
MOM
That was a very loud beep
I don't even know if this is working
Mark -- Mark -- are you there
Are you screening your calls --
It's mom
We wanted to call and say we love you
And we'll miss you tomorrow
Cindy and the kids are here -- send their love
Oh, I hope you like the hot plate
Just don't leave it on, dear
When you leave the house
Oh, and Mark
We're sorry to hear that Maureen dumped you
I say c'est la vie
So let her be a lesbian...
There are other fishies in the sea
... Love Mom
(Lights fade on MOM and answering machine.)
Top
TUNE UP #2
MARK
Tell the folks at home what you're doing Roger
ROGER
I'm writing one great song --
MARK (to audience)
The phone rings.
ROGER
Yesss!
MARK (to audience)
We screen.
ROGER & MARK'S ANSWERING MACHINE
"Speak" ... ("Beeeep!")
(Lights fade up on the street: the front-door area of MARK and ROGER's
building. Nearby is a battered public pay phone. TOM COLLINS stands at
the phone.)
COLLINS
"Chestnuts roasting..."
ROGER & MARK
(as MARK picks up the phone)
Collins!
COLLINS
I'm downstairs
MARK
Hey!
COLLINS
Roger picked up the phone?
MARK
No, it's me.
COLLINS
Throw down the key.
(MARK pulls out a small leather pouch and drops it off the apron
downstage center as if from a window; a weighted leather pouch plops down
from "upstairs." COLLINS catches it.)
MARK
A wild night is now pre-ordained
(Two THUGS appear from above, with clubs. They are obviously close
to attacking COLLINS, who says back into the phone...)
COLLINS
I may be detained.
(THUGS mime beating and kicking COLLINS, who falls to the ground
as lights on him fade.)
MARK
What does he mean...?
(Phone rings again)
What do you mean "detained"?
(Lights come up on BENNY, who's on a cellular phone.)
BENNY
Ho ho ho.
MARK & ROGER
Benny! (Shit!)
BENNY
Dudes, I'm on my way
MARK & ROGER
Great! (Fuck!)
BENNY
I need the rent
MARK
What rent?
BENNY
This past year's rent which I let slide
MARK
Let slide? You said we were "golden"
ROGER
When you bought the building
MARK
When we were roommates
ROGER
Remember -- you lived here!?
BENNY
How could I forget?
You, me, Collins and Maureen
How is the drama queen?
MARK
She's performing tonight
BENNY
I know.
Still her production manager?
MARK
Two days ago I was bumped
BENNY
You still dating her?
MARK
Last month I was dumped
ROGER
She's in love
BENNY
She's got a new man?
MARK
Well -- no
BENNY
What's his name?
MARK & ROGER
Joanne
BENNY
Rent, my amigos, is due
Or I will have to evict you
Be there in a few
(ROGER defiantly picks out Musetta's theme from Puccini's La
Boheme on the electric guitar. The fuse blows on the amp.)
MARK (to audience)
The power blows...
Top
RENT
(The COMPANY bursts into a flurry of movement. Then everyone except
MARK and ROGER freezes in a group upstage.)
MARK
How do you document real life
When real life is getting more
Like fiction each day
Headlines -- bread-lines
Blow my mind
And now this deadline
"Eviction -- or pay"
Rent!
ROGER
How do you write a song
When the chords sound wrong
Though they once sounded right and rare
When the notes are sour
Where is the power
You once had to ignite the air
MARK
And we're hungry and frozen
ROGER
Some life that we've chosen
MARK & ROGER
How we gonna pay
How we gonna pay
How we gonna pay
Last year's rent
MARK
We light candles
ROGER
How do you start a fire
When there's nothing to burn
And it feels like something's stuck in your flue
MARK
How can you generate heat
When you can't feel your feet
MARK & ROGER
And they're turning blue!
MARK
You light up a mean blaze
(ROGER grabs one of his own posters.)
ROGER
With posters --
(MARK grabs old manuscripts.)
MARK
And screenplays
ROGER & MARK
How we gonna pay
How we gonna pay
How we gonna pay
Last year's rent
(Lights go down on the loft and go up on JOANNE JEFFERSON, who's
at the pay phone.)
JOANNE
Don't screen, Maureen
It's me -- Joanne
Your substitute production manager
Hey hey hey! (Did you eat?)
Don't change the subject Maureen
But darling -- you haven't eaten all day
You won't throw up
You won't throw up
The digital delay --
Didn't blow up (exactly)
There may have been one teeny tiny spark
You're not calling Mark
COLLINS
How do you stay on your feet
When on every street
It's 'trick or treat'
(And tonight it's 'trick')
'Welcome back to town'
Oh, I should lie down
Everything's brown
And uh -- oh
I feel sick
MARK (At the window)
Where is he?
COLLINS
Getting dizzy
(He collapses.)
MARK & ROGER
How we gonna pay
How we gonna pay
How we gonna pay
Last year's rent
(MARK and ROGER stoke the fire. Crosscut to BENNY's Range Rover.)
BENNY (On cellular phone)
Alison baby -- you sound sad
I don't believe those two after everything I've done
Ever since our wedding I'm dirt -- They'll see
I can help them all out in the long run
(Three locales: JOANNE at the pay phone, MARK and ROGER in their
loft, and COLLINS on the ground. The following is sung simultaneously.)
BENNY
Forces are gathering
Forces are gathering
Can't turn away
Forces are gathering
COLLINS
Ughhhhh--
Ughhhhh--
Ughhhhh-- I can't think
Ughhhhh--
Ughhhhh--
Ughhhhh-- I need a drink
MARK (reading from a script page)
"The music ignites the night with passionate fire"
JOANNE
Maureen -- I'm not a theatre person
ROGER
"The narration crackles and pops with incendiary wit"
JOANNE
Could never be a theatre person
MARK
Zoom in as they burn the past to the ground
JOANNE (realizing she's been cut off)
Hello?
MARK & ROGER
And feel the heat of the future's glow
JOANNE
Hello?
(The phone rings in the loft. MARK picks it up.)
MARK (On phone)
Hello? Maureen?
Your equipment won't work?
Okay, all right, I'll go!
MARK & HALF THE COMPANY
How do you leave the past behind
When it keeps finding ways to get to your heart
It reaches way down deep and tears you inside out
Till you're torn apart
Rent!
ROGER & OTHER HALF OF COMPANY
How can you connect in an age
Where strangers, landlords, lovers
Your own blood cells betray
COMPANY
What binds the fabric together
When the raging, shifting winds of change
Keep ripping away
BENNY
Draw a line in the sand
And then make a stand
ROGER
Use your camera to spar
MARK
Use your guitar
COMPANY
When they act tough - you call their bluff
MARK & ROGER
We're not gonna pay
MARK & ROGER & HALF THE COMPANY
We're not gonna pay
MARK & ROGER & OTHER HALF OF COMPANY
We're not gonna pay
COMPANY
Last year's rent
This year's rent
Next year's rent
Rent rent rent rent rent
We're not gonna pay rent
ROGER & MARK
'Cause everything is rent
Top
YOU OKAY HONEY? (The street)
(The street in front of the pay phone. A HOMELESS MAN appears above
on the right. Across the stage, ANGEL DUMOTT SCHUNARD is seated on the
Christmas tree sculpture, with a plastic pickle tub balanced like a drum
between his knees.)
A HOMELESS MAN
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Somewhere else!
Not here
(The HOMELESS MAN exits. ANGEL gets a good beat going on the tub,
but is interrupted by a moan. He starts to drum again and sees COLLINS
limp to downstage-left proscenium.)
ANGEL
You okay honey?
COLLINS
I'm afraid so
ANGEL
They get any money?
COLLINS
No, had none to get
But they purloined my coat
Well you missed a sleeve! -- thanks
ANGEL
Hell, it's Christmas Eve
I'm Angel
COLLINS
Angel? Indeed
An angel of the first degree
Friends call me Collins -- Tom Collins
Nice tree ...
ANGEL
Let's get a band-aid for your knee
I'll change, there's a "Life Support" meeting at nine-thirty
Yes -- this body provides a comfortable home
For the Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome
COLLINS
As does mine
ANGEL
We'll get along fine
Get you a coat, have a bite
Make a night -- I'm flush
COLLINS
My friends are waiting --
ANGEL
You're cute when you blush
The more the merry -- ho ho ho
And I do not take no
(ANGEL and COLLINS walk off stage right.)
Top
TUNE UP #3 (The loft)
(Lights come up on loft.)
ROGER
Where are you going?
MARK
Maureen calls...
ROGER
You're such a sucker!
MARK
I don't suppose you'd like to see her show in the lot tonight?
(ROGER shrugs.)
Or come to dinner?
ROGER
Zoom in on my empty wallet.
MARK
Touche. Take your AZT.
(To audience) Close on Roger
His girlfriend April
Left a note saying "We've got AIDS"
Before slitting her wrists in the bathroom
I'll check up on you later. Change your mind.
You have to get out of the house.
(He exits.)
Top
ONE SONG GLORY
ROGER
I'm writing one great song before I...
One song
Glory
One song
Before I go
Glory
One song to leave behind
Find one song
One last refrain
Glory
From the pretty boy front man
Who wasted opportunity
One song
He had the world at his feet
Glory
In the eyes of a young girl
A young girl
Find glory
Beyond the cheap colored lights
One song
Before the sun sets
Glory -- on another empty life
Time flies -- time dies
Glory -- One blaze of glory
One blaze of glory -- glory
Find
Glory
In a song that rings true
Truth like a blazing fire
An eternal flame
Find
One song
A song about love
Glory
From the soul of a young man
A young man
Find
The one song
Before the virus takes hold
Glory
Like a sunset
One song
To redeem this empty life
Time flies
And then - no need to endure anymore
Time dies
(ROGER is interrupted by a sharp knock on the door. It is MIMI MARQUEZ, a beautiful stranger from downstairs.)
ROGER
The door.
(ROGER crosses to the door.)
Top
LIGHT MY CANDLE
ROGER
What'd you forget?
(MIMI enters, holding a candle and looking for a match; her electricity is down, too.)
MIMI
Got a light?
ROGER
I know you? -- You're --
You're shivering
MIMI
It's nothing
They turned off my heat
And I'm just a little
Weak on my feet
Would you light my candle?
What are you staring at?
ROGER
Nothing
Your hair in the moonlight
You look familiar
(He lights her candle. MIMI starts to leave, but stumbles.)
Can you make it?
MIMI
Just haven't eaten much today
At least the room stopped spinning.
Anyway. What?
ROGER
Nothing
Your smile reminded me of --
MIMI
I always remind people of -- who is she?
ROGER
She died. Her name was April
(MIMI discreetly blows out the candle.)
MIMI
It's out again
Sorry about your friend
Would you light my candle?
(ROGER lights the candle. They linger, awkwardly.)
ROGER
Well --
MIMI
Yeah. Ow!
ROGER
Oh, the wax -- it's --
MIMI
Dripping! I like it -- between my --
ROGER
Fingers. I figured...
Oh, well. Goodnight.
(MIMI exits. ROGER heads back toward his guitar on the table. There is another knock, which he answers.)
ROGER
It blew out again?
MIMI
No -- I think that I dropped my stash
ROGER
I know I've seen you out and about
When I used to go out
Your candle's out
MIMI
I'm illin' --
I had it when I walked in the door
It was pure --
Is it on the floor?
ROGER
The floor?
(MIMI gets down on all fours and starts searching the floor for her stash. She looks back at ROGER, who is staring at her again.)
MIMI
They say I have the best ass below 14th street
Is it true?
ROGER
What?
MIMI
You're staring again.
ROGER
Oh no.
I mean you do -- have a nice --
I mean -- You look familiar
MIMI
Like your dead girlfriend?
ROGER
Only when you smile
But I'm sure I've seen you somewhere else --
MIMI
Do you go to the Cat Scratch Club?
That's where I work - I dance - help me look
ROGER
Yes!
They used to tie you up --
MIMI
It's a living
(MIMI douses the flame again.)
ROGER
I didn't recognize you
Without the handcuffs
MIMI
We could light the candle
Oh won't you light the candle?
(ROGER lights it again.)
ROGER
Why don't you forget that stuff
You look like you're sixteen
MIMI
I'm nineteen -- but I'm old for my age
I'm just born to be bad
ROGER
I once was born to be bad
I used to shiver like that
MIMI
I have no heat -- I told you
ROGER
I used to sweat
MIMI
I got a cold
ROGER
Uh huh
I used to be a junkie
MIMI
But now and then I like to --
ROGER
Uh huh
MIMI
Feel good
ROGER
Here it -- um --
(ROGER stoops and picks up a small object: MIMI's stash.)
MIMI
What's that?
ROGER
It's a candy bar wrapper
(ROGER puts it behind his back and into his pocket.)
MIMI
We could light the candle
(ROGER discreetly blows out the candle.)
MIMI
What'd you do with my candle?
ROGER
That was my last match
MIMI
Our eyes'll adjust, thank God for the moon
ROGER
Maybe it's not the moon at all
I hear Spike Lee's shooting down the street
MIMI
Bah humbug ... Bah humbug
(MIMI places her hand under his, pretending to do it by accident.)
ROGER
Cold hands
MIMI
Yours too.
Big. Like my father's
You wanna dance?
ROGER
With you?
MIMI
No -- with my father
ROGER
I'm Roger
MIMI
They call me
They call me Mimi
(They come extremely close to a kiss. MIMI reaches into his pocket, nabs the stash, waves it in front of his face, and makes a sexy exit.)
Top
VOICE MAIL #2
(JOANNE's loft. In blackout another phone rings. We see MAUREEN in silhouette.)
MAUREEN
Hi. You've reached Maureen and Joanne. Leave a message and don't forget Over the Moon -- My
performance, protesting the eviction of the Homeless (and artists) from the Eleventh Street Lot. Tonight at
midnight in the lot between A and B. Party at Life Cafe to follow. (Beeep!)
MR. JEFFERSON
Well, Joanne -- We're off
I tried you at the office
And they said you're stage managing or something
MRS. JEFFERSON
Remind her that those unwed mothers in Harlem
Need her legal help too
MR. JEFFERSON
Call Daisy for our itinerary or Alfred at Pound Ridge
Or Eileen at the state department in a pinch
We'll be at the spa for new year's
Unless the senator changes his mind
MRS. JEFFERSON
The hearings
MR. JEFFERSON
Oh yes -- Kitten
Mummy's confirmation hearing begins on the tenth
We'll need you -- alone -- by the sixth
MRS. JEFFERSON
Harold!
MR. JEFFERSON
You hear that?
It's three weeks away
And she's already nervous
MRS. JEFFERSON
I am not!
MR. JEFFERSON
For Mummy's sake, Kitten
No Doc Martens this time and wear a dress ...
Oh, and Kitten -- have a merry
MRS. JEFFERSON
And a bra!
Top
TODAY 4 U (The loft)
(MARK and ROGER's loft.)
MARK
Enter Tom Collins, computer genius, teacher, vagabond anarchist, who ran naked through the Parthenon.
(COLLINS carries ANGEL's pickle tub, now filled with provisions.)
MARK & COLLINS
Bustelo -- Marlboro
Banana by the bunch
A box of Captain Crunch will taste so good
COLLINS
And firewood
MARK
Look -- it's Santa Claus
COLLINS
Hold your applause
ROGER
Oh hi
COLLINS
"Oh hi" after seven months?
ROGER
Sorry
COLLINS
This boy could use some Stoli
COLLINS, MARK & ROGER
Oh holy night
ROGER
You struck gold at MIT?
COLLINS
They expelled me for my theory of Actual Reality
Which I'll soon impart
To the couch potatoes at New York University
Still haven't left the house?
ROGER
I was waiting for you, don't you know?
COLLINS
Well, tonight's the night
Come to the Life Cafe after Maureen's show
ROGER
No flow
COLLINS
Gentlemen, our benefactor on this Christmas Eve
Whose charity is only matched by talent, I believe
A new member of the Alphabet City avant-garde
Angel Dumott Schunard!
(ANGEL sashays in. He's gorgeously done up in Santa drag, with a fan of twenty-dollar bills in each hand.)
ANGEL
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
COLLINS
And you should hear her beat!
MARK
You earned this on the street?
ANGEL
It was my lucky day today on Avenue A
When a lady in a limousine drove my way
She said, "Dahling -- be a dear -- haven't slept in a year
I need your help to make my neighbor's yappy dog disappear"
"This Akita-Evita just won't shut up
I believe if you play non-stop that pup
Will breathe its very last high-strung breath
I'm certain that cur will bark itself to death"
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
We agreed on a fee -- A thousand dollar guarantee
Tax-free -- and a bonus if I trim her tree
Now who could foretell that it would go so well
But sure as I am here that dog is now in doggy hell
After an hour -- Evita -- in all her glory
On the window ledge of that 23rd story
Like Thelma & Louise did when they got the blues
Swan dove into the courtyard of the Gracie Mews
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
(ANGEL does a fabulous drum and dance solo.)
Then back to the street where I met my sweet
Where he was moaning and groaning on the cold concrete
The nurse took him home for some mercurochrome
And I dressed his wounds and got him back on his feet
Sing it!
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Today for you -- tomorrow for me
Top
YOU'LL SEE
(BENNY enters.)
BENNY
Joy to the world--
Hey, you bum -- yeah, you, move over
Get your ass off that range rover
MARK
That attitude toward the homeless is exactly what
Maureen is protesting tonight.
(to audience, holding camera up to BENNY)
Close up: Benjamin Coffin the third, our ex-roommate who married Alison Grey, of the Westport Greys -- then bought the building and the lot next door from his father-in-law in hopes of starting a cyber-studio.
BENNY
Maureen is protesting
Losing her performance space
Not my attitude
ROGER
What happened to Benny
What happened to his heart
And the ideals he once pursued?
BENNY
The owner of that lot next door
Has a right to do with it as he pleases
COLLINS
Happy birthday, Jesus!
BENNY
The rent
MARK
You're wasting your time
ROGER
We're broke
MARK
And you broke your word -- this is absurd
BENNY
There is one way you won't have to pay
ROGER
I knew it!
BENNY
Next door, the home of Cyberarts, you see
And now that the block is re-zoned
Our dream can become a reality
You'll see boys
You'll see boys
A state of the art, digital, virtual interactive studio
I'll forego your rent and on paper guarantee
That you can stay here for free
If you do me one small favor
MARK
What?
BENNY
Convince Maureen to cancel her protest
MARK
Why not just get an injunction or call the cops
BENNY
I did, and they're on stand by
But my investors would rather
I handle this quietly
ROGER
You can't quietly wipe out an entire tent city
Then watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' on TV!
BENNY
You want to produce films and write songs?
You need somewhere to do it!
It's what we used to dream about
Think twice before you pooh-pooh it
You'll see boys
You'll see boys
You'll see -- the beauty of a studio
That lets us do our work and get paid
With condos on the top
Whose rent keeps open our shop
Just stop the protest
And you'll have it made
You'll see -- or you'll pack
(BENNY exits.)
ANGEL
That boy could use some prozac
ROGER
Or heavy drugs
MARK
Or group hugs
COLLINS
Which reminds me --
We have a detour to make tonight
Anyone who wants to can come along
ANGEL
Life support's a group for people coping with life
You don't have to stay too long
MARK
First I've got a protest to save
ANGEL
Roger?
ROGER
I'm not much company you'll find
MARK
Behave!
ANGEL
He'll catch up later -- He's just go other things on his mind
You'll see boys
MARK & COLLINS
We'll see boys
ROGER
Let it be boys!
COLLINS
I like boys
ANGEL
Boys like me
ALL
We'll see.
Top
TANGO: MAUREEN
(The lot. JOANNE is reexamining the cable connections for the umpteenth time.)
MARK
And so into the abyss
The lot. Where a small stage is partially set up.
JOANNE
(playing with some wires)
"Line in"...
I went to Harvard for this?
MARK
Close on Mark's nosedive.
JOANNE
"Line out"...
MARK
Will he get out of here alive...?
(JOANNE notices MARK approaching.)
JOANNE
Mark?
MARK
Hi.
JOANNE
I told her not to call you
MARK
That's Maureen
But can I help since I'm here
JOANNE
I hired an engineer ...
MARK
Great!
Well, nice to have met you
JOANNE
Wait!
She's three hours late
The samples won't delay
But the cable --
MARK
There's another way
Say something -- anything
JOANNE (into the mike)
Test -- one, two three...
MARK
Anything but that
JOANNE
This is weird
MARK
It's weird
JOANNE
Very weird
MARK
Fuckin' weird
JOANNE
I'm so mad
That I don't know what to do
Fighting with microphones
Freezing down to my bones
And to top it all off
I'm with you
MARK
Feel like going insane?
Got a fire in your brain?
And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?
JOANNE
As a matter of fact --
MARK
Honey, I know this act
It's called the 'Tango Maureen'
The Tango Maureen
It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round
As she keeps you dangling
JOANNE
You're wrong
MARK
Your heart she is mangling
JOANNE
It's different with me
MARK
And you toss and you turn
'Cause her cold eyes can burn
Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound
JOANNE
I think I know what you mean
BOTH
The Tango Maureen
MARK
Has she ever pouted her lips
And called you 'Pookie'
JOANNE
Never
MARK
Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?
JOANNE
This is spooky
Did you swoon when she walked through the door?
MARK
Every time -- so be cautious
JOANNE
Did she moon over other boys --?
MARK
More than moon --
JOANNE
I'm getting nauseous
(They begin to dance, with MARK leading.)
MARK
Where'd you learn to tango?
JOANNE
With the French Ambassador's daughter in her dorm room at Miss Porter's. And you?
MARK
With Nanette Himmelfarb, the rabbi's daughter, at the Scarsdale Jewish Community Center.
(They switch, and JOANNE leads.)
MARK
It's hard to do this backwards.
JOANNE
You should try it in heels!
She cheated
MARK
She cheated
JOANNE
Maureen cheated
MARK
Fuckin' cheated
JOANNE
I'm defeated
I should give up right now
MARK
Gotta look on the bright side
With all of your might
JOANNE
I'd fall for her still anyhow
BOTH
When you're dancing her dance
You don't stand a chance
Her grip of romance
Make you fall
MARK
So you think, "Might as well"
JOANNE
"Dance a tango to hell"
BOTH
"At least I'll have tangoed at all"
The Tango Maureen
Gotta dance till your diva is through
You pretend to believe her
Cause in the end -- you can't leave her
But the end it will come
Still you have to play dumb
Till you're glum and you bum
And turn blue
MARK
Why do we love when she's mean?
JOANNE
And she can be so obscene
MARK
Try the mike
JOANNE
My Maureen (reverb: een, een, een...)
MARK
Patched
JOANNE
Thanks
MARK
You know -- I feel great now!
JOANNE
I feel lousy
(The pay phone rings. MARK hands it to JOANNE.)
Honey, we're... Pookie?
You never call me Pookie.
Forget it, we're patched.
(She hangs up, looks at MARK.)
BOTH
The Tango Maureen!
Top
LIFE SUPPORT
(ANGEL and COLLINS attend an AIDS Life Support group. PAUL, the support leader, sits on the downstage railing above. GORDON, one of the members of the group, is standing downstage left, facing the audience. As the members enter, they introduce themselves and form a semicircle. Note: The names of the support group members should change every night and should honor actual friends of the company who have died of AIDS.)
STEVE
Steve.
GORDON
Gordon.
ALI
Ali.
PAM
Pam.
SUE
Sue.
ANGEL
Hi, I'm Angel.
COLLINS
Tom. Collins.
PAUL
I'm Paul. Let's begin.
ALL
There's only us
There's only this ...
(MARK blusters in noisily.)
MARK
Sorry...excuse me...oops
PAUL
And you are?
MARK
Oh -- I'm not --
I'm just here to --
I don't have --
I'm here with --
Um -- Mark
Mark -- I'm Mark
Well -- this is quite an operation
PAUL
Sit down Mark
We'll continue the affirmation
ALL
Forget regret, or life is yours to miss
GORDON
Excuse me Paul -- I'm having a problem with this
This credo -- My T-cells are low --
I regret that news, okay?
PAUL
All right
But Gordon - How do you feel today?
GORDON
What do you mean?
PAUL
How do you feel today?
GORDON
Okay
PAUL
Is that all?
GORDON
Best I've felt all year
PAUL
Then why choose fear?
GORDON
I'm a New Yorker!
Fear's my life!
Look - I find some of what you teach suspect
Because I'm used to relying on intellect
But I try to open up to what I don't know
GORDON & ROGER (who sings from his loft)
Because reason says I should have died
Three years ago
ALL
No other road
No other way
No day but today
Top
OUT TONIGHT (Mimi's apartment)
MIMI
What's the time?
Well it's gotta be close to midnight
My body's talking to me
It says, "Time for danger"
It says "I wanna commit a crime
Wanna be the cause of a fight
Wanna put on a tight skirt and flirt
With a stranger"
I've had a knack from way back
At breaking the rules once I learn the games
Get up - life's too quick
I know someplace sick
Where this chick'll dance in the flames
We don't need any money
I always get in for free
You can get in too
If you get in with me
Let's go out tonight
I have to go out tonight
You wanna play?
Let's run away
We won't be back before it's Christmas day
Take me out tonight (meow)
When I get a wink from the doorman
Do you know how lucky you'll be?
That you're on line with the feline of Avenue B
Let's go out tonight
I have to go out tonight
You wanna prowl
Be my night owl?
Well take my hand we're gonna howl
Out tonight
In the evening I've got to roam
Can't sleep in the city of neon and chrome
Feels too damn much like home
When the Spanish babies cry
So let's find a bar
So dark we forget who we are
And all the scars from the
Nevers and maybes die
Let's go out tonight
Have to go out tonight
You're sweet
Wanna hit the street?
Wanna wail at the moon like a cat in heat?
Just take me out tonight
(MIMI makes her way to ROGER's door and ends the song in front of him.)
Please take me out tonight
Don't forsake me -- out tonight
I'll let you make me -- out tonight
Tonight -- tonight -- tonight
Top
ANOTHER DAY
(The loft. MIMI plants a huge kiss on ROGER, who recoils.)
ROGER
Who do you think you are?
Barging in on me and my guitar
Little girl -- hey
The door is that way
You better go you know
The fire's out anyway
Take your powder -- take your candle
Your sweet whisper
I just can't handle
Well take your hair in the moonlight
Your brown eyes -- goodbye, goodnight
I should tell you I should tell you
I should tell you I should -- no!
Another time -- another place
Our temperature would climb
There'd be a long embrace
We'd do another dance
It'd be another play
Looking for romance?
Come back another day
Another day
MIMI
The heart may freeze or it can burn
The pain will ease if I can learn
There is no future
There is no past
I live this moment as my last
There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No day but today
ROGER
Excuse me if I'm off track
But if you're so wise
Then tell me -- why do you need smack?
Take your needle
Take your fancy prayer
And don't forget
Get the moonlight out of your hair
Long ago -- you might've lit up my heart
But the fire's dead -- ain't never ever gonna start
Another time -- another place
The words would only rhyme
We'd be in outer space
It'd be another song
We'd sing another way
You wanna prove me wrong?
Come back another day
Another day
MIMI
There's only yes
Only tonight
We must let go
To know what's right
No other course
No other way
No day but today
(Lights slowly fade up on the Life Support group.)
MIMI & OTHERS
I can't control
My destiny
I trust my soul
My only goal
Is just -- to be...
ROGER
Control your temper
She doesn't see
Who says that there's a soul?
Just let me be...
ALL
There's only now
There's only here
Give in to love
Or live in fear
No other path
No other way
No day but today...
ROGER
Who do you think you are?
Barging in on me and my guitar
Little girl, hey
The door is that way
The fire's out anyway
ALL
No day but today
No day but today
No day but today
No day but today
ROGER
Take your powder, take your candle
Take your brown eyes, your pretty smile, your silhouette
Another time, another place
Another rhyme, a warm embrace
Another dance, another way
Another chance, another day
ALL
No day but today
(MIMI and the Life Support group members exit. One person, STEVE, remains at stage right, above.)
Top
WILL I?
(Various locations)
STEVE
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
GROUP #1
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
GROUP #2
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
GROUP #3
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
GROUP #4
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
(ROGER puts on his jacket and exits the loft.)
Top
ON THE STREET
THREE HOMELESS PEOPLE
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing --
Out of town
Santa Fe
SQUEEGEEMAN
Honest living, man!
(He recoils as though he's almost been run over by a car.)
Feliz Navidad!
(Three POLICE OFFICERS, in full riot gear, enter and approach sleeping BLANKET PERSON. The FIRST OFFICER pokes her with a nightstick.)
HOMELESS PERSON
Evening, officers
(Without answering, the FIRST OFFICER raises his nightstick again.)
MARK (pointing his camera)
Smile for Ted Koppel, Officer Martin!
(The FIRST OFFICER lowers his stick.)
HOMELESS PERSON
And a Merry Christmas to your family
POLICE OFFICERS
Right!
(The POLICE OFFICERS stride offstage. MARK continues to film BLANKET PERSON.)
BLANKET PERSON (To MARK)
Who the fuck do you think you are?
I don't need no goddamn help
From some bleeding heart cameraman
My life's not for you to
Make a name for yourself on!
ANGEL
Easy, sugar, easy
He was just trying to --
BLANKET PERSON
Just trying to use me to kill his guilt
It's not that kind of movie, honey
Let's go -- this lot is full of
Motherfucking artists
Hey artist
You gotta dollar?
I thought not
(BLANKET PERSON crosses to downstage left with another HOMELESS PERSON.)
Top
SANTA FE
(The Street.)
ANGEL
New York City --
MARK
Uh huh
ANGEL
Center of the universe
COLLINS
Sing it girl --
ANGEL
Times are shitty
But I'm pretty sure they can't get worse
MARK
I hear you
ANGEL
It's a comfort to know
When you're singing the hit-the-road blues
That anywhere else you could possibly go
After New York would be a pleasure cruise
COLLINS
Now you're talking
Well, I'm thwarted by a metaphysic puzzle
And I'm sick of grading papers -- that I know
And I'm shouting in my sleep, I need a muzzle
All this misery pays no salary, so
Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
Oh sunny Santa Fe would be nice
Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
And leave this to the roaches and mice
COLLINS
Oh--oh
ALL
Oh--
ANGEL
You teach?
COLLINS
I teach -- Computer Age Philosophy
But my students would rather watch TV
ANGEL
America
ALL
America!
COLLINS
You're a sensitive aesthete
Brush the sauce onto the meat
You could make the menu sparkle with rhyme
You could drum a gentle drum
I could seat guests as they come
Chatting not about Heidegger, but wine!
COLLINS (with HOMELESS PEOPLE in the shadows)
Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
Our labors would reap financial gains
ALL
Gains, gains, gains
COLLINS
We'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
And save from devastation our brains
HOMELESS
Save our brains
ALL
We'll pack up all our junk and fly so far away
Devote ourselves to projects that sell
We'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
Forget this cold Bohemian hell
Oh--
ALL
Oh--
COLLINS
Do you know the way to Santa Fe?
You know, tumbleweeds...prairie dogs...
Yeah
Top
I'LL COVER YOU
MARK
I'll meet you at the show.
I'll try and convince Roger to go.
(MARK exits)
ANGEL
Alone at last.
COLLINS
He'll be back -- I guarantee.
ANGEL
I've been hearing violins all night.
COLLINS
Anything to do with me? Are we a thing?
ANGEL
Darling... we're everything!
Live in my house
I'll be your shelter
Just pay me back
With one thousand kisses
Be my lover -- I'll cover you
COLLINS
Open your door
I'll be your tenant
Don't got much baggage
To lay at your feet
But sweet kisses I've got to spare
I'll be there -- I'll cover you
BOTH
I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you are, my love,
On life -- be my life
(They do a short dance.)
BOTH
Just slip me on
I'll be your tenant
Wherever -- whatever -- I'll be your coat
ANGEL
You'll be my king
And I'll be your castle
COLLINS
No you'll be my queen
And I'll be your moat
BOTH
I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you are, my love,
On life -- all my life
I've longed to discover
Something as true as this is
COLLINS
So with a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
ANGEL
If you're cold
And you're lonely
COLLINS
With a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
ANGEL
You've got one nickel only
COLLINS
When you're worn out
and tired
ANGEL
With a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
COLLINS
When your heart has expired
ANGEL
With a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
BOTH
Oh lover I'll cover you
Oh lover I'll cover you
Top
WE'RE OKAY
JOANNE
(on cellular phone)
Steve -- Joanne
The Murget case?
A dismissal!
Good work counselor
(The pay phone rings. JOANNE answers it and begins a conversation with MAUREEN simultaneously juggling two other calls on her cellular phone.)
We're okay
Honeybear -- wait!
I'm on the other phone
Yes, I have the cowbell
We're okay
(into cellular phone)
So tell them we'll sue
But a settlement will do
Sexual harassment -- and civil rights too
Steve, you're great
(into pay phone)
No you cut the paper plate
Didja cheat on Mark a lot would you say?
We're okay
Honey hold on...
(into cellular phone)
Steve, hold on...
(JOANNE presses the call-waiting button on the cellular phone)
Hello?
Dad -- yes
I beeped you
Maureen is coming to Mother's hearing
We're okay
(into pay phone)
Honeybear - what?
Newt's lesbian sister
I'll tell them
(into cellular phone)
You heard?
(into pay phone)
They heard
We're okay
(into cellular phone)
And to you dad
(JOANNE presses the call-waiting as she speaks into the pay phone)
Yes -- Jill is there?
(into cellular phone)
Steve gotta --
(into pay phone)
Jill with the short black hair?
The Calvin Klein model?
(into cellular phone)
Steve, gotta go!
(into pay phone)
The model who lives in Penthouse A?
We're
We're okay
I'm on my way
Top
CHRISTMAS BELLS (Various locations, St. Marks Place)
FIVE HOMELESS PEOPLE
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are singing
On TV - at Saks
SQUEEGEEMAN
Honest living, honest living
Honest living, honest living
Honest living, honest living
ALL FIVE HOMELESS
Can't you spare a dime or two
Here but for the grace of God go you
You'll be merry
I'll be merry
Tho merry ain't in my vocabulary
No sleighbells
No Santa Claus
No yule log
No tinsel
No holly
No hearth
No
SOLOIST
Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
ALL FIVE
Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
No room at the Holiday Inn -- oh no
(A few flakes of snow begin to descend.)
And it's beginning to snow
(The stage suddenly explodes with life! The scene is St. Mark's Place on Christmas Eve -- an open-air bazaar of color, noise, movement.)
VENDORS
Hats, bats, shoes, booze
Mountain bikes, potpourri
Leather bags, girlie mags
Forty-fives, AZT
VENDOR #1
No one's buying
Feel like crying
ALL
No room at the Holiday Inn, oh no
And it's beginning to snow
(Lights up on one woman, who is showing off a collection of stolen coats to COLLINS and ANGEL.)
VENDOR #2
How about a fur --
In perfect shape
Owned by an MBA from uptown
I got a tweed
Broken in by a greedy
Broker who went broke
And then broke down
COLLINS
You don't have to do this
ANGEL
Hush your mouth, it's Christmas
COLLINS
I do not deserve you, Angel
COLLINS
Give--give
All you do
Is give
Give me some way to show
How much you've touched me so
ANGEL
Wait--what's on the floor?
Let's see some more...
No--no--no...
Kiss me -- it's beginning to snow
(Lights focus on MARK and ROGER on right above.)
MARK
... She said, "Would you light my candle"
And she put on a pout
And she wanted you
To take her out tonight?
ROGER
Right
MARK
She got you out!
ROGER
She was more than okay
But I pushed her away
It was bad -- I got mad
And I had to get her out of my sight
MARK
Wait, wait, wait -- you said she was sweet
ROGER
Let's go eat -- I'll just get fat
It's the one vice left when you're dead meat
(MIMI has entered looking furtively for THE MAN.)
There -- that's her
MARK
Maureen?
ROGER
Mimi!
MARK
Whoa!
ROGER
I should go.
BOTH
Hey -- it's beginning to snow
(The POLICE OFFICERS, in riot gear, enter above.)
POLICE OFFICERS
I'm dreaming of a white, right Christmas
(POLICE OFFICERS exit.)
MIMI & JUNKIES
Follow the man -- follow the man
With his pockets full of the jam
Follow the man -- follow the man
Help me out, daddy
If you can
Got any D man?
THE MAN
I'm cool
MIMI & JUNKIES
Got any C man?
THE MAN
I'm cool
MIMI & JUNKIES
Got any X?
Any smack?
Any horse?
Any jugie boogie boy?
Any blow?
(ROGER pulls MIMI aside.)
ROGER
Hey
MIMI
Hey
ROGER
I just want to say
I'm sorry for the way --
MIMI
Forget it
ROGER
I blew up
Can I make it up to you?
MIMI
How?
ROGER
Dinner party?
MIMI
That'll do
THE MAN
Hey lover boy -- cutie pie
You steal my client -- you die
ROGER
You didn't miss me -- you won't miss her
You'll never lack for customers
JUNKIES
I'm willin'
I'm illin'
I gotta get my sickness off
Gotta run, gotta ride
Gotta gun, gotta hide -- gotta go
THE MAN
And it's beginning to snow
BENNY
(entering, talking on his cellular phone)
Wish me luck, Alison
The protest is on
COAT VENDOR
L.L Bean
Geoffrey Beene
Burburry zip out
Lining
JUNKIES
Got any C man?
Got any D man?
Got any B man?
Got any crack?
Got any X?
SQUEEGEEMAN
Honest living --
ROGER
Mark, this is Mimi --
MARK & MIMI
Hi
ROGER
She'll be dining -- with us
COAT VENDOR
Here's a new arrival
THE MAN
That is an ounce
VENDORS
Hats, dats, bats
COLLINS
That's my coat!
COAT VENDOR
We give discounts
MARK
I think we've met
ANGEL
Let's get a better one
COLLINS
It's a sham
MIMI
That's what he said
THE MAN
I said it's a gram!
COLLINS
But she's a thief!
ANGEL
But she brought us together
BENNY
Which investor is coming??
COLLINS
I'll take the leather
BENNY
Your father? -- damn!
(The following is sung simultaneously.)
HOMELESS & VENDORS
Christmas bells are swinging
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are singing
In my dreams -- next year
Once you donate you can go
Celebrate in Tuckahoe
You'll feel cheery
I'll feel cheery
Tho' I don't really know that theory
No bathrobe
No steuben glass
No cappucino makers
No pearls, no diamonds
No 'Chestnuts roasting on an open fire'
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
No room at the Holiday Inn, oh no --
POLICE OFFICERS
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Jingle bells -- prison cells
Fa la la la -- fa la la la
You have the right to remain
Silent night holy night
Fall on your knees oh night divine
You'll do some time
Fa la la la la
Fa la la la la
JUNKIES
Got any C man?
Got any D man?
Got any B man?
Got any X? -- Crack?
I'm willin' -- I'm illin'
Gotta get my sickness off
C-D help me
Follow the man -- follow the man
Follow the man
Jugie boogie -- jugie boogie
Follow the man -- follow the man
Any crack any X any jugie boogie boy
Any blow any X any jugie boogie boy
Got any D man, got any C man
Got any crack -- any X -- any jugie boogie?
COAT VENDOR
Twenty-five
ANGEL
Fifteen
COAT VENDOR
Twenty-five
ANGEL
Fifteen
COAT VENDOR
No way
Twenty-four
ANGEL
Fifteen
COAT VENDOR
Twenty-four
ANGEL
Fifteen
COAT VENDOR
Not today
Twenty-three
ANGEL
Fifteen
COAT VENDOR
Twenty-three
ANGEL
Fifteen
It's old
COAT VENDOR
Twenty-two
ANGEL
Fifteen
COAT VENDOR
Twenty-one
ANGEL
Fifteen
COAT VENDORr
Seventeen
ANGEL
Fifteen
COAT VENDOR
Fifteen
ANGEL & COAT VENDOR
Sold!
MARK & ROGER
Let's
Go to
The lot -- Maureen's performing
MIMI
Who's Maureen?
ROGER
His ex
MARK
But I am over her
ROGER
Let's not hold hands yet
MIMI
Is that a warning?
ALL THREE
He/You/I
Just
Need(s)
To take it slow
I should tell you I should tell you
I should tell you I should tell you
I should tell you I ...
ALL
And it's beginning to
And it's beginning to
And it's beginning to --
(Lights blackout and a blinding headlight comes through the door. As it reaches downstage, the lights come up and reveal MAUREEN.)
MAUREEN
Joanne, which way to the stage?
ALL
Snow!!!
(Blackout.)
Top
OVER THE MOON (The Lot)
MARK
Maureen's performance.
(MAUREEN stands in front of a microphone.)
MAUREEN
Last night I had a dream. I found myself in a desert called Cyberland.
It was hot. My canteen had sprung a leak and I was thirsty.
Out of the abyss walked a cow -- Elsie.
I asked if she had anything to drink.
She said, "I'm forbidden to produce milk.
In Cyberland, we only drink Diet Coke."
(reverb: Coke, Coke, Coke)
She said, "Only thing to do is jump over the moon"
"They've closed everything real down...like barns, troughs, performance spaces...
And replaced it all with lies and rules and virtual life.
(reverb: Life, Life, Life)
But there is a way out..."
BACKUPS
Leap of faith, leap of faith
Leap of faith, leap of faith
MAUREEN
Only thing to do is jump over the moon
I gotta get out of here! It's like I'm being tied
to the hood of a yellow rental truck, being packed
in with fertilizer and fuel oil, pushed over a cliff
by a suicidal Mickey Mouse! -- I've gotta find a way
BACKUPS
Leap of faith, etc.
MAUREEN
To jump over the moon
Only thing to do is jump over the moon
MAUREEN
Then a little bulldog entered. His name (we have learned) was Benny.
And although he once had principles,
he abandoned them to live as a lap dog to a wealthy daughter of the revolution.
"That's bull," he said.
"Ever since the cat took up the fiddle, that cow's been jumpy.
And the dish and the spoon were evicted from the table -- and eloped...
She's had trouble with that milk and the moon ever since.
Maybe it's a female thing.
'Cause who'd want to leave Cyberland anyway?...
Walls ain't so bad.
The dish and the spoon for instance.
They were down on their luck - knocked on my doghouse door.
I said, 'Not in my backyard, utensils! Go back to China!'"
"The only way out is up," Elsie whispered to me.
"A leap of faith. Still thirsty?" she asked.
Parched. "Have some milk."
I lowered myself beneath her and held my mouth to her swollen udder
And sucked the sweetest milk I'd ever tasted."
(MAUREEN makes a slurping, sucking sound.)
"Climb on board," she said.
And as a harvest moon rose over Cyberland,
We reared back and sprang into a gallop.
Leaping out of orbit!
I awoke singing
BACKUPS
Leap of faith, etc.
MAUREEN
Only thing to do
Only thing to do is jump
Only thing to do is jump over the moon
Only thing to do is jump over the moon
Over the moon -- over the
Moooooooo
Moooooooo
Moooooooo
Moooooooo
Moo with me.
(MAUREEN encourages the audience to moo with her. She says, "C'mon, sir, moo with me," etc. The audience responds. When the "moos" reach a crescendo, she cuts them off with a big sweep of her arms.)
Thank you.
(Blackout.)
Top
LA VIE BOHEME (Life Cafe)
(Downstage right, the PRINCIPALS have lined up and are waiting to be seated. A large table is situated down center. Down and to the right, BENNY and MR. GREY are seated at a smaller table. The RESTAURANT MAN tries to shoo our friends out.)
RESTAURANT MAN
No please no
Not tonight please no
Mister -- can't you go --
Not tonight -- can't have a scene
ROGER
What?
RESTAURANT MAN
Go, please go --
You -- Hello, sir --
I said no
Important customer
MARK
What am I -- just a blur?
RESTAURANT MAN
You sit all night -- you never buy!
MARK
That's a lie -- that's a lie
I had a tea the other day
RESTAURANT MAN
You couldn't pay
MARK
Oh yeah
COLLINS
Benjamin Coffin the third -- here?
RESTAURANT MAN
Oh no!
ALL
Wine and beer!
MAUREEN
The enemy of Avenue A
We'll stay
(They sit.)
RESTAURANT MAN
Oy vey!
COLLINS
What brings the mogul in his own mind to the Life Cafe?
BENNY
I would like to propose a toast
To Maureen's noble try
It went well
MAUREEN
Go to hell
BENNY
Was the yuppie scum stomped
Not counting the homeless
How many tickets weren't comped
ROGER
Why did Muffy --
BENNY
Alison
ROGER
Miss the show?
BENNY
There was a death in the family
If you must know
ANGEL
Who died?
BENNY
Our Akita
BENNY, MARK, ANGEL, COLLINS
Evita
BENNY
Mimi -- I'm surprised
A bright and charming girl like you
Hangs out with these slackers
(Who don't adhere to deals)
They make fun -- yet I'm the one
Attempting to do some good
Or do you really want a neighborhood
Where people piss on your stoop every night?
Bohemia, Bohemia's
A fallacy in your head
This is Calcutta
Bohemia is dead
(The BOHEMIANS immediately begin to enact a mock funeral, with MARK delivering the "eulogy.")
MARK
Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes
COLLINS & ROGER
Dies irae -- dies illa
Kyrie eleison
Yitgadal v' yitkadash, etc.
MARK
Here she lies
No one knew her worth
The late great daughter of mother earth
On this night when we celebrate the birth
In that little town of Bethlehem
We raise our glass -- you bet your ass to --
(MAUREEN flashes hers.)
La vie Boheme
ALL
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
MARK
To days of inspiration
Playing hookie, making something out of nothing
The need to express --
To communicate,
To going against the grain,
Going insane
Going mad
To loving tension, no pension
To more than one dimension,
To starving for attention,
Hating convention, hating pretension
Not to mention of course,
Hating dear old mom and dad
To riding your bike,
Midday past the three piece suits
To fruits -- to no absolutes --
To Absolut -- to choice --
To the Village Voice --
To any passing fad
To being an us for once
Instead of a them
ALL
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
(JOANNE enters.)
MAUREEN
Is the equipment in a pyramid?
JOANNE
It is, Maureen
MAUREEN
The mixer doesn't have a case
Don't give me that face
(MAUREEN smacks JOANNE's ass as she exits. MR. GREY reacts.)
MR. GREY
Ahhemm!
MAUREEN
Hey Mister -- she's my sister
RESTAURANT MAN
So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad
Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter
And one pasta with meatless balls
A BOY
Ugh
COLLINS
It tastes the same
MIMI
If you close your eyes
RESTAURANT MAN
And thirteen orders of fries
Is that it here?
ALL
Wine and beer!
MIMI & ANGEL
To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries
To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese
To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo
To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou
MAUREEN & COLLINS
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion
Creation, vacation
MARK
Mucho masturbation
MAUREEN & COLLINS
Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new
COLLINS
To Sontag
ANGEL
To Sondheim
FOUR PEOPLE
To anything taboo
COLLINS & ROGER
Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage
COLLINS
Lenny Bruce
ROGER
Langston Hughes
MAUREEN
To the stage
PERSON #1
To Uta
PERSON #2
To Buddha
PERSON #3
Pablo Neruda, too
MARK & MIMI
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow
To blow off Auntie Em
ALL>
La vie Boheme
(JOANNE returns.)
MAUREEN
And wipe the speakers off before you pack
JOANNE
Yes, Maureen
MAUREEN
Well -- hurry back
(MAUREEN and JOANNE kiss.)
MR. GREY
Sisters?
MAUREEN
We're close
(ANGEL jumps on top of COLLINS, who's on the table. They kiss.)
ANGEL, COLLINS, MAUREEN, MARK, MR. GREY
Brothers!
MARK, ANGEL, MIMI & THREE OTHERS
Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein
Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa
Carmina Burana
ALL
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy
Vaclav Havel -- The Sex Pistols, 8BC,
To no shame -- never playing the Fame Game
COLLINS
To marijuana
ALL
To sodomy,
It's between God and me
To S & M
(MR. GREY walks out.)
BENNY
Waiter...Waiter...Waiter
ALL
La vie Boheme
COLLINS
In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon will commence immediately following dinner...
Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred.
ROGER
Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on high holy days.
(ROGER picks up an electric guitar and starts to tune it.)
MARK
Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the eleventh street lot,
Will sing Native American tribal chants backwards through her vocoder,
While accompanying herself on the electric cello --
Which she has never studied.
(At this point, JOANNE has entered and seen MAUREEN playfully kiss MARK. JOANNE exits. BENNY pulls MIMI aside.)
BENNY
Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us?
MIMI
There's nothing to know
BENNY
Don't you think that we should discuss --
MIMI
It was three months ago
BENNY
He doesn't act like he's with you
MIMI
We're taking it slow
BENNY
Where is he now?
MIMI
He's right -- hmm
BENNY
Uh huh
MIMI
Where'd he go?
MARK
Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song.
(ROGER picks up a guitar and plays Musetta's Theme.)
That doesn't remind us of "Musetta's Waltz"
COLLINS
Angel Dumott Schunard will now model the latest fall fashions from Paris while accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub.
ANGEL
And Collins will recount his exploits as an anarchist --
including the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment
To self-destruct, as it broadcast the words:
ALL
"Actual reality -- Act Up -- Fight AIDS"
BENNY
Check!
(BENNY exits. Lights on MIMI and ROGER.)
MIMI
Excuse me -- did I do something wrong?
I get invited -- then ignored -- all night long
ROGER
I've been trying -- I'm not lying
No one's perfect. I've got baggage
MIMI
Life's too short, babe, time is flying
I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine
ROGER
I should tell you --
MIMI
I've got baggage too
ROGER
I should tell you
BOTH
Baggage -- wine --
OTHERS
And beer!
(Several beepers sound. Each turns off his or her beeper.)
MIMI
AZT break
(MIMI, ROGER, ANGEL, and COLLINS take pills.)
ROGER
You?
MIMI
Me. You?
ROGER
Mimi
(They hold hands and stare into each other's eyes lovingly. The rest of the company freezes.)
Top
I SHOULD TELL YOU
ROGER
I should tell you I'm disaster
I forget how to begin it
MIMI
Let's just make this part go faster
I have yet -- to be in it
I should tell you
ROGER
I should tell you
MIMI
I should tell you
ROGER
I should tell you
MIMI
I should tell I blew the candle out
Just to get back in
ROGER
I'd forgotten how to smile
Until your candle burned my skin
MIMI
I should tell you
ROGER
I should tell you
MIMI
I should tell you
BOTH
I should tell
Well, here we go
Now we --
MIMI
Oh no
ROGER
I know -- this something is
Here goes --
MIMI
Here goes
ROGER
Guess so
It's starting to
Who knows --
MIMI
Who knows
BOTH
Who knows where
Who goes there
Who knows
Here goes
Trusting desire -- starting to learn
Walking through fire without a burn
Clinging -- a shoulder, a leap begins
Stinging and older, asleep on pins
So here we go
Now we --
ROGER
Oh no
MIMI
I know
ROGER
Oh no
BOTH
Who knows where -- who goes there
Here goes -- here goes
Here goes -- here goes
Here goes -- here goes
Top
LA VIE BOHEME B
(ROGER and MIMI exit. JOANNE reenters, obviously steamed.)
MAUREEN
Are we packed?
JOANNE
Yes and by next week
I want you to be
MAUREEN
Pookie?
JOANNE
And you should see
They've padlocked your building
And they're rioting on Avenue B
Benny called the cops
MAUREEN
That fuck!
JOANNE
They don't know what they're doing
The cops are sweeping the lot
But no one's leaving
They're just sitting there, mooing!
ALL
Yea!!!
(Pandemonium erupts in the restaurant.)
ALL
To dance!
A GIRL
No way to make a living, masochism, pain, perfection
Muscle spasms, chiropractors, short careers, eating disorders!
ALL
Film!
MARK
Adventure, tedium, no family, boring locations,
Dark rooms, perfect faces, egos, money, Hollywood and sleaze!
ALL
Music!
ANGEL
Food of love, emotion, mathematics, isolation,
Rhythm, feeling, power, harmony, and heavy competition!
ALL
Anarchy!
COLLINS & MAUREEN
Revolution, justice, screaming for solutions,
Forcing changes, risk, and danger
Making noise and making pleas!
ALL
To faggots, lezzies, dykes, cross dressers too
MAUREEN
To me
MARK
To me
COLLINS & ANGEL
To me
ALL
To you, and you and you, you and you
To people living with, living with, living with
Not dying from disease
Let he among us without sin
Be the first to condemn
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
MARK
Anyone out of the mainstream
Is anyone in the mainstream?
Anyone alive--with a sex drive
OTHERS
La vie boheme
La vie boheme
La vie boheme
MARK
Tear down the wall
Aren't we all?
The opposite of war isn't peace...
It's creation!
ALL
La vie Boheme
MARK
The riot continues. The Christmas tree goes up in flames. The snow dances. Oblivious, Mimi and Roger share a small, lovely kiss.
ALL
Viva la vie Boheme!
Top
All work © Jonathan Larson |
