Shades Of Blackness
By Sharron
A little note from Tammy:
"When I first read this, I laughed my Black, fuckin' ass OFF! Sharron is TOO DAMN FUNNY! This is the first, last, and ONLY time I will tell you to read something in it's entirety because it's so freakin' funny. We sistas love ya, Timberdork."
People Justin Thinks He Is:
Justin quotes Puffy during concerts by using phrases and expressions such as "I thought I told you that we won’t stop, I thought I told you that we won’t stop. Eheh eheh." and "What we gon do right here is, we gon smoove it out." He used to have a "Puff Daddy jheri curl" and he wears what I like to call "Puff Daddy earrings", huge diamond studs. They both wear an extremely large platinum and diamond charm necklace that tells the world who they are. Puff’s says "Bad Boy" and Justin’s says "JRT". They both seem to be conceited.
He once said "I’m Ma$e…I mean Justin."
In certain pictures, he tends to look like Usher, which is very scary. They generally wear the same brand names, Mecca and Tommy. Usher is a Tommy model and Justin seems to think he is. He wears identical skullies to Usher and he uses the same exact pose in some pictures. They lean back, put their hands behind their head and leave their shirt open.
He talks about how his Rolex is all "iced up" and talks to/about Jay-Z like he knows him. He makes idiotic comments like, "Can I get a Jay-Z!?" and "It’s not such a hard knock life for you, now is it? What are you talking about?". He better watch out before Jigga comes and stabs his bony white ass.
When singing, Justin moves his head in a way that most people thought only Wanya could. It’s incredibly obvious in the video for "Music of my Heart".
Both Justin and LL have a certain love for the color baby blue. Like LL, Justin sometimes wears one pant leg up and one pant leg down. They both seem to own stock in FUBU. Only difference is, LL gets paid for wearing FUBU. Justin seems to be making money for them by widening their demographic of customers: pre-pubescent white girls.
7. Michael Jordan
Justin is constantly sticking his tongue out and claims that "it’s a Michael Jordan thing". He swears he has game and that "{he’s} money". Everyone knows that Jordan is just oozing with money.
8
. Kobe BryantIt’s not just the fact that he actually "made Kobe nervous because he winked at him and told him he had too much game for him". He’s gotten rid of Puff Daddy jheri curl and adopted Kobe’s ‘fro.
9.
D’AngeloNow he’s even got rid of his Kobe ‘fro and has D’Angelo’s cornrows, except for one minor detail. His are crooked. I wonder who did them and how much they charged... 'cuz brother needs to get his money back. My uncle’s fiancée had front row tickets to the D’Angelo concert at Madison Square Garden and saw him there.
Women Justin Has A Crush On:
He talks about how he’s "gonna marry her one day. She just doesn’t know it yet." He says he has her phone number but he never calls it. He thanked her in the CD jacket and said, "Janet (Miss Jackson, cuz I’m nasty)". He’s repeatedly openly admitted that he has a crush on her. He says that touring with her was a "dream come true". He had this really nasty looking poster of her over his bed where she’s wearing an exposing belly shirt and her hands are in her pants. When asked if he ever dreams about other celebrities he said, "Of course. Janet Jackson. I just can’t tell you what happened in them!".
Another person he’s more than openly admitted to having a crush on. He’s depressed about her getting married, forget the possibility of her going to jail for running people down with her car, her engagement saddens him. He honestly cannot go one interview without mentioning her. He said that she’s "just absolutely perfect in every way".
Since he’s bounced back from Halle’s engagement, he’s been "dating Tyra Banks". Just like Halle, he can’t go one interview without mentioning her. He’s just a fiend.
Honestly, him and Aaliyah are really cute together. He was all over her in Teen People. During the interview they were acting like old friends. He sang one of her songs on "*NSync Live". There’s much speculation that he wrote "I’ll Be Good For You" for her. He wrote it around the time he met her, he says it was for a "would-be girlfriend", and he mentions her nickname repeatedly in it: "Baby Girl".
They went on tour together and she toured with them longer than anyone else. They did the "Disney Christmas Special" and they were singing and dancing together at the end and calling each other baby. 'NSync was in her video for "Everytime" and it showed her and Justin hugging and he had this classic look on his face. He said that his favorite show was "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air", which she had a starring role in since she was 10. That means he’s been a fiend since way back when. He was only 8 years old when that show came out. He has a tendency to talk about her out of nowhere. Someone asked him about B*Witched and he started talking about how "Tatyana’s pretty sweet".
Proof That This Fool Is "Black":
1
. He has cornrows.2. He wears do-rags and bandanas.
3. He speaks Ebonics.
4. He wears FUBU.
5. He worships rappers.
6. He doesn’t like White girls. (Actually, that’s the Whitest thing about him, Black guys love White girls.)
7. He rocks ice like he’s Lil’ Wayne. Bling, Bling!
8. He used the Blackest phrase known to man: "I got a little Indian in me."
9. He wears shirts that say "NAPPY".
10. He loves to eat. He loves it so much, he even makes up songs about it, i.e. "Eat, Eat, Eat".
11. His grandmother makes "soul food" and his grandfather’s a preacher.
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