Does 'NSync Know Calculus?
I made a huge mistake, y'all. I can't believe I asked these guys for help. I mean, I know they can sing and dance, but Calculus? That's 2gether's expertise, not 'NSync's. You see, I was having some trouble on my Calc and it was the day before the test… so who did I call? That's right, the boys of 'NSync, which was NOT a good idea. We spent almost the entire day on the review, and it went a lil' something like this:
Tammy: (walking into the suite) Hey can y'all help me?
Lance: What's the problem?
Tammy: It's this Calculus. It's seriously kickin' my ass.
Justin: Well, bring it on over and we'll see what we can do.
(Tammy sits down on the couch between Justin and Chris and pulls out her worksheet.)
Chris: (pointing to a weird symbol) What the hell is that?!
Tammy: That's an integral sign. They want me to find the anti-derviative.
Justin: The wha?
Tammy: Oh geez… How far did y'all get in school, anyway?
Lance: College.
JC: Graduated high school.
Joey: Ditto.
Chris: Graduated college.
Justin: Dropped out after seventh grade.
Tammy: (looking at him in amazement as the others look at the floor, embarrassed for their friend) What? Then how in the hell were you gonna help me with this?
Justin: (shrugging) How hard can it be? That other boyband can do it, so why can't I?
Chris: Yeah, I know my Calculus. It says…
Tammy: (cutting him off abruptly) Don't even think about it. I don't wanna hear anyone sing that song 'til after I'm gone.
JC: (going into an epileptic-like seizure) Okay, let's get to this homework! Man, I can't wait!
Joey: Why are you excited, JC? It's Calculus.
JC: (getting up off the floor) I'm JC… I'm ALWAYS excited. Word to my father.
(Tammy rolls her eyes and looks at the first problem)
Lance: (looking over her shoulder at the problem) You know, they have that funny cursive looking thing with the numbers 0 and 10 next to it. I'll bet a million dollars they just want you to list all the numbers from one to ten.
Tammy: (picking up a pen and preparing to stab herself in the throat with it) No Lance, that's not it.
Chris: (taking the pen from her and placing it on the table gently) Then what is it?
Tammy: (gathering her books and rising to her feet) You know what, guys? I don't think this is working out to well. I'm outta here.
JC: No! Don't go!
Lance: Yeah, just show us what we're supposed to do and we can do it.
Tammy: Y'all are supposed to be helping me, yet I gotta teach you?
Justin: Please? Come on, we'll do good.
(So Tammy spends the next thirty-five minutes teaching the boys the fundaments of derivatives, anti-derivates, integrals, differentiation and the infamous "+c", which is a minor thing but often results in twenty points off your paper if forgotten. Ironically, most of these terms are mentioned in 2gether's "U + Me = Us (Calculus)". When they are finished, Chris is asleep, Lance has a twitch in his eye, and JC has officially gone cross-eyed.)
Tammy: So are y'all ready now?
Justin: Yeah. Lemme just do the math on a scratch sheet of paper. (He goes onto the other couch and appears to be scribbling furiously on a sheet of paper. He looks up.) Okay, I'm done. The answer is four.
Tammy: Four what?
Justin: For the last problem we were on… duh!
Tammy: (sighing with annoyance and wishing she were dead) Not "for" F-O-R, idiot. "Four"… like the number. Four what?
Justin: Umm…
Lance: Besides, it can't be an answer that simple. We were dealing with complex fractions.
Tammy: And besides, I just spent ten minutes lecturing you about the constant "c"… where is it?
Justin: There isn't one.
Tammy: (exploding into anger) What the hell do you mean there isn't one?! There's ALWAYS one. You can't just say there isn't one!
Justin: But there isn't!
Tammy: There has to be… it's an unbreakable rule. Now, is the answer four or not?
Justin: (stuttering) It's four…
Tammy: (walking over to the couch he's sitting on) Lemme see how you did it… (picking up his paper) Justin, your paper is blank! You didn't even do the problem!
(Lance proceeds to fall off the couch, choking with laughter.)
Joey: (sighing) I didn't wanna have to do this, but I guess I have no choice now. (Pulls out a pair of glasses and puts them on) Come, Tammy. Let's get this Calculus done.
(He proceeds to tutor Tammy in Calculus for the next fifteen minutes. In that fifteen minutes, she learns more than all the other four guys together tried to show her.)
"So," you might ask, "how did you do on the test, Tammy?" I think this answers it all:
That's a "95" just in case you can't see it. Thanks Joey!
**This is, of course, a complete lie. I don't know 'NSync like that where I'd trust them to help me with my homework, and even if I did, I don't think I'd ask them for help… I just really doubt they'd know what the hell they're doing.
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