Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Justin Does!

Host: Welcome to yet another brain-numbing episode of "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire", where one of our lucky audience members will have the chance to jump in the hot seat and answer questions for money. We'll start off of course with the "Fastest Finger" Question. Audience members, log in the answers from the earliest to the most recent. And the question today: Which boyband hit the mainstream United States first: A) C-Note B) 'NSync C) 98 Degrees D) Backstreet Boys. Log in your answers now. And the answer is: D, B, C, A. We'll see who got the answer right in the fastest time.

From the audience, Chris leans over and talks to J.C. : Dammit! I put us first. I mean, we were together six months before the Buttstreet Boys were.

JC: I know, but the host said who hit the mainstream first, ass rammer.

Host: Okay, two people got the answer correct. JC Chasez and Justin Timberlake. Unfortunately, JC was a little slow, and Justin logged in his answer .005 seconds quicker than JC, so Justin, get on down here!

As Justin runs excitedly down to the host, JC scowls and whispers to Chris : How in the hell did he beat me? That little bastard copied my answer!

Host: Get in the chair ya fuckin' show-off.

Justin: (smiling happily) Okay!

Host: So here we have Justin Timberlake who is 19 years old, and one of the lead singers of the pop supergroup 'NSync. Where are you hailing from, Justin?

Justin: (doing the cabbage patch) Welcome to Orlando, bienvenido á Orlando!

Host: (looking at Justin as if he's lost his mind) O-kay… Justin has a couple of friends in the audience. Say hello to two of Justin's best friends and fellow group mates, JC Chasez and Chris Kirkpatrick. So, what do you guys do?

Chris: (rolling his eyes in annoyance) We sing…duh!

Host: (rolling his eyes also) Like I care. I just want to get this prick off my stage. So Justin, what made you come on the show, besides the fact that you and your group mates do TV appearances every five minutes?

Justin: (smiling brightly and doing his "ghetto girl" accent) Well, in case you haven't heard, we kinda broke right now, so I need to get me some millions.

Host: Well, let's get you some millions. You know how this game goes, Justin. You have three life-lines, an opportunity to call a friend for some help, an audience poll, and a 50/50, where we eliminate two of the wrong answers for you. Are you ready Justin?

Justin: Yeah! Yeah! Whoo! Let's do it, baby!

Host: Calm down, Justin. Focus your energy on answering the questions. Now, for $100, what is the name of the sweets children and many adults like to eat? Is it A) Candy B) Mandy (Moore) C) Dandy D) Cod liver oil.

Justin: (doing that cute chuckle he does on "Bye Bye Bye") Normally, I'd say Mandy 'cause I would sure love to eat her… but since $100 is on the line, I'm gonna say A) Candy.

Host: Is that your final answer?

Justin: Yup.

Host: You're right! And now, for $200, what is the word that doubles as a family member and a tall standing clock. A) Mommy B) Cousin C) Grandfather D) Stepsister.

Justin: Umm… I'll say D) Stepsister.

Host: (arching an eyebrow) Is THAT your final answer?

Justin: Hell no! I wanna say C) Grandfather.

Host: Correct! And now for $300… What do the letters A and J stand for in Backstreet Boys member AJ McLean? A) Angry Jew B) Alexander James C) All Juice D) Add Jam

Justin: I'll just cut to the chase and say B), since the other three aren't even names.

Host: Correct! For $500, who was the first president of the United States? A) George Bush B) George Jefferson C) Chris Kirkpatrick D) George Washington.

Justin: (chewing his lip nervously) Umm, let me go for a 50/50.

Host: Okay. We are going to eliminate two of the wrong answers. Now you are left with B) George Jefferson and D) George Washington.

Justin: (taking a deep breath) I'm gonna go out on a limb here and just guess that it's George Washington.

Host: Are you sure?

Justin: No, but that's my final answer.

Host: You are correct!

Justin: Yeah! I won! I won!

Host: The game isn't over yet, Justin.

Justin: I know, I was just joking.

Host: Yeah, well your jokes aren't funny so shut the hell up unless you're answering a question. Now, for $1000, what is your favorite color: A) Orange B) Baby Blue C) Tar D) Pearly pink.

Justin: Definitely B) Bably blue. Whoo! Go UNC!

Host: That was the last easy answer, Justin. From here on out, the answers get twice as hard. Justin, for $2000, what sport does model Lisa Leslie play? Is it: A) Soccer B) Volleyball C) Horseshoes D) Basketball.

Justin: You think I don't know what sport my woman plays? I'm goin' for D) Basketball.

Host: Correct again! Now, for $4000, how much does boyband mogul Louis Perlman weigh? A) A million pounds B) A ton C) He's not fat, he's pleasantly plump or D) The number is too large to record.

Justin: Umm… I'll definitely have to say D), 'cause one time he accidentally sat on me and I thought my spleen was crushed. It felt like I had the weight of the world on my back.

Host: Is that your final answer?

Justin: Yeah…

Host: You got fat ass's weight correct! You are now up to $4000! Now, for $8000, who hates 'NSync the most? Is it: A) Korn B) Limp Bizkit C) Backstreet Boys or D) Louis Perlman.

Justin: Ummm… I think I'm gonna call a friend on this one.

Host: Okay, give us the number and ATT will connect to it and we will try to reach one of your friends.

JC: Hello?

Justin: Yeah, JC. I'm on the show, "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and I need some help…

JC: I know, dumb ass. I'm in the audience watching you. You just wasted your one phone call to call me on my cell phone! Why didn't you call someone who knows the answer, like Carson Daly?! IDIOT!! RETARD!! NO-BRAINER!!!!

Justin: (grinning vacantly) Are you mad at me again, JC?

JC: Aaargh! Why do I even bother with you ignoramuses? Look, if I were you I'd guess that it was the Backstreet Boys. Then again, it could be Lou… you just never know.

Justin: Some help you are, JC! I'm gonna call someone else now!

JC: You can't! I just told you that you wasted your one phone call. Look, Chris is talking to Carson on his phone and Carson says that it's Lou Perlman, 'cause we caused him to lose millions of dollars.

Justin: Okay. Thanks, JC. See ya when I get home.

JC: (pounding his head with his fist) Dammit, Justin! I'm two feet away from you! Just answer the damn question and stop acting like an ass on television!

Justin: 'Bye JC. (looks back at the host who is laughing hysterically) Okay, I'm gonna say the Backstreet Boys.

JC: (yelling from the audience quite psychotically) NOOO!!!! LOU PERLMAN!!! LOU PERLMAN!!!!

Host: Is that your final answer?

Justin: (glancing at JC, who is now going into convulsions) Well, I'll say Lou Perlman, I guess.

Host: (sighs) Unfortunately, you're right. And I say unfortunately because that means that my time with you is being prolonged. (sighs again) Okay, because I'm sick of having to deal with you, wer'e gonna skip right up to $1,000,000… who's the best out of all the boybands, based on a recent poll in Rolling Stone magazine. A) Backstreet Boys B) 'NSync C) 98 Degrees D) They all suck donkey ass and should be flushed down a huge toilet.

Justin: (chewing his thumbnail) I'd like an audience poll, please.

Host: Your last life line. Okay, audience, log in your answers now.

Host: Okay Justin. 95% of the audience voted that all boybands suck and should be flushed, 2.5% said Backstreet Boys, 2% said 'NSync, and .5% (is that even possible?) said 98 Degrees. Your answer, Justin?

Justin: (sweating so hard now that his entire outfit is soaked) Umm… I think… I, uh… well. See, um… I think I'll go against the audience and say B) 'NSync.

Host: (as that eerie "Wet your pants with nervousness" music comes on) Is that… your final… answer?

Justin: (as a huge puddle of water forms around him and the host's feet… is it pee or sweat? You be the judge.) Umm, yeah. Yeah, that's my final.

Host: I'm sorry Justin, but the answer was A) the Backstreet Boys. You are going home with only $8000.

Justin: (completely exploding in anger as he jumps out of his chair and onto the host. He then commences to beat the crap out of him.) What? Are you crazy? We are way better than those fags! We sing better, we dance better, we even have a better name! I'll kill you! I can't believe those Backstreet Bitches gypped us again! No, no, no!

Host: (trying to block Justin's fists) Security! Help!

Justin: (as he's being pulled away) I'll be back. You bet I will! It's not "Bye Bye Bye" quite yet! That's right! 'Cause I want it that way!

Chris: (burying his head in his hands) Dude, we'll never live this down.

JC: (looking hopefully at Chris) You know, it's not too late for us to become a quartet. Or better yet, a duo.

Chris: For once JC, I like where you're going with this.

The End