Part Three: The Shit Hits The Fan

Okay, so you guys now know that we pretty much spent the night before calling each other on the phone and screaming, "WASSUUUUPP!", right? Cool. So we now bring you to the next morning. I don't know if you guys remember, but Justin and I (like the ignoramuses we are) switched cell phones rather than phone numbers like normal people do. So I figure that that cell phone is our key into getting into the concert.

Decked out in all kinds of hoochie gear (no thugged out clothes for me and Yasmine at this concert!), we troop up to the backdoor of the venue. (Once again, do NOT ask how we got past security. Put it this way: Yasmine's body count is officially at twenty-three… God bless rusty nails, huh? LOL) We walked up to Cleetus just to make sure it was okay, and damned if we didn't have to nearly have to brain Yasmine to get her away from her beloved car. Her car-molesting was starting to attract stares.

Rapping "The Real Slim Shady", we walked up to the door that read, "Authorized Personnel Only" and stared at the guard. "May I help you?" he glared back. "Yeah," I said, "I have Justin's cell phone, and I bet he'd like to have it back." As the security guard spoke quietly into his walkie-talkie to have our story confirmed, we amused ourselves by rapping the entire "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays" song on their Christmas album as Yasmine humped the guard's leg to the beat. "Your story checks out," the guard growled as he kicked Yasmine off of him. Watching her fly a couple of feet into a pile of equipment, I say, "So what now?" He answers, "You give me Justin's phone and get out of my face." "Prick," Kelley muttered from behind me. I say smoothly, "But Justin still has MY phone, so if he wants his back, he'll have to give me mine." "I'll make sure he gets it to you," the guard says in a rush as he grabs for Justin's phone, but I hold it out the reach of his sausage link fingers. "No way, bucko," I laugh. "How do I know you'll give me my phone back? For all I know, you'll have us out here waiting all night like a couple of wannabe groupies. Nope. If Justin wants his phone, he has to get it back in person." As the guard talks some more into his walkie-talkie, Yasmine saunters back up to us, calmly pulling a mic stand out of her ass. "Problem?" she asks. "Yeah," Kelley answers, "Mr. T over there won't let us in." "Ohmigosh!" I exclaim. "Did Kelley just make a joke?" "Screw that," Yasmine laughs, "did she just make a funny joke? Obviously, hanging around us is good for her chronic dorkitis."

Anyway, the guard finally lets us in, and we are taken back to 'NSync's dressing rooms, singing our own version of "Under My Tree" along the way. Why were we singing Christmas songs in summer you may ask? 'Cause we're stupid. As the guard opened the door, Yasmine sang loudly, "No one else but me and you… what the fuck you wanna do? I'll give you some poon tang right under my tree. Penis shorter than my toe, kicked your white ass out the door. You missed out on how good it'd be… I wish that Santa was naked with me! I'm butt naked under my tree…" As the guys' jaws dropped, me and Kelley burst into giggles. "May I help you?" Justin says politely. "Don't try that cordial shit with me, Timbercrap!" I smile widely as I run forward and gave him a hug. He hesitantly hugged me back and I pulled out his phone. Glaring at the chick who was looking more and more like his girlfriend, I said, "You left this in my room," and handed him his cell phone. Bye bye bye, girlfriend, 'cause she stormed out the door. As Justin went to chase her, I stopped him and said, "Can I have my phone back?" Chris frowned and asked, "What the hell are you doing with her phone, J?" I go, "Oh, you know how it can be… they got switched accidentally during the orgy last night." "What?!" Lance raves as Kelley starts to choke. "Yeah," Yasmine adds nastily, "to Justin, minority women are like Pringles Potato Chips. Betcha can't eat just one." And just like that, Kelley fainted dead away. Guess we were a bit too explicit for her tastes.

Anyways, to make a long story short (too late!), just to get us away from 'NSync, they gave us front row tickets and backstage passes and told us to get the hell away from them. Humph. No problem. It's not like we enjoyed being around them, anyway. In the front row, just where I belong, me and Yasmine prepared our plan of attack. Kelley continued to recover. How in the hell could anyone get THAT conservative? It should be outlawed, I tell ya. Anyways, we entertained ourselves some more by talking about how UGLY their wives are, much to the curiosity of the teenies sitting near us. "You know 'NSync?" a brave one asked. Showing her my backstage pass I say, "How the hell else could I get front row tix for free?" "So they're married?" she continues. "Yep," I nod, "with children. Ugly ass children. Those kids look like they have ass cheeks for a face. Yep. Horrible, simply horrible. Don't look 'nothin' like the daddies." Then, we laughed as they all started to cry.

Thankfully, the lights dim, and a mighty cheer erupts from the audience. The opening chords of the "Annie"-soundin' "No Strings Attached" start to play, and we smile up at our favorite whities. LOL But alas, Yasmine and I had to bring our concert schemes up a notch from last year's. No more making faces and screamin' out obscene things… we were in a whole new league now. First off, as Yasmine heard the kid sing, "I got no strings to hold me down…" she frowns, "They are such liars! They're hanging from strings right now! Well, I can't very well have my boys lying to 50,000 people! I'll take care of this lie for them, but anything after that is on them." Pulling out a pea-shooter, she places a sharp dart in the pipe and WHOOSH! The dart goes flying into the air. Hmmm… I obviously underestimated Yasmine's sharp-shooter precision, 'cause five seconds later, that dart was flying towards JC's arm-string and less than a second later, whizzed right through it, snapping it in two. JC careens wildly to one side then starts to scream for fear that he'll fall, and then all his brittle bones will break. I go, "Oooh, my turn!" and snatch the pea-shooter. Loading it again and taking aim, I let my dart whiz towards Justin's arm-string. Just like that, he's in the same predicament as JC. Kelley takes the dart and promises that she's recovered enough to "finish the job", so we let her have a shot. Unfortunately, that girl has NO aim whatsoever. She let the dart fly… then watched as it pierced Lance in the groin. "Oops," she grimaced as we cringed. Lance let out a girlish scream, they were quickly lowered to the floor, and the concert continued.

Nothing wonderful happened for a while, but when it came time for them to perform "Just Got Paid", guess who got to go on stage? That's right! Me and Yasmine. They sure shouldn't have let us do that! LOL When it came time for the doors to open and all the other girls started dancing all off beat, we jumped off of the stairs and ran to the front of the stage and started to show everyone what they really mean when they say "Booties shakin'… all around." Word. Yasmine started to do a cross between some Chinese New Year Parade dance and a strip tease as Justin challenged me to a dance contest. Humph, he was just hatin' 'cause I was dancin' better than him. Doesn't matter, 'cause when I broke out with all my breakdancing moves, he was feelin' incrediblaaay stupid. Then, I started backin' my thang up ghetto style on Lance, but he got so flustered that he fainted. Poor baby. I merely picked up his mic and started handling his vocals… of course, since he doesn't really have any lead parts, I decided to change that tiny fact and sang all of JC's parts. I'm like, "I'm tired of all these borin' parties, JC! Let's get on down… my room's across tooooown!" Yasmine cheered and then started to breakdance and spin on her earlobe as the band played on. Finally, Lonnie pulled us off the stage. Bastards.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot! When Justin did his beatbox thing, me and Yasmine pelted him with our water-filled condoms. Sorry we left that out. And when the stage started to move, Chris looked right at her, so she felt obligated to pull up her shirt… and show him the crotch of her pants, which was stuffed with rolled up socks, making it look like… well, I'll just say it like this: Chris probably felt VERY inadequate when he saw how she was packin'. Almost made me wish it was real, ya know? Umm… what else happened? Let's see…

Well, during "Space Cowboy", Yasmine and I reverted back to our vintage tactics. We licked our fingers and then humped the air as the teased the young ladies to a frenzied pitch. We on the other hand, threw a few of our condoms onto the stage, hoping they'd get the idea… unfortunately, Justin and Lance got a booty-ache… since they slipped on our randomly distributed "gifts". Hmmm… what else…

Oh! During "Digital Get Down", me and Yasmine wrote our e-mail addys on our stomachs and then lifted up our shirts so that they could see it and remember it and maybe have a "digital get down" with us someday… LOL

Finally, during "Bye Bye Bye", I lassoed Lance and pulled him off the stage… as the security ran towards us, Lance held up a hand and told them to stay back. I guess he thought we were holding him hostage. Anyways, he allowed Yasmine to give him a kiss on the cheek and he let me fondle his nice round derriere. God bless him.

And in conclusion, they felt the need to bring out those damned water guns again. We knew what was comin' next, so we ducked down and crawled on the floor towards the aisle as the guys tried to find us. They wanted to squirt the hell out of us, but damned if I was gonna let them fuck up my $25 hair weave. LOL Once we hit the aisle, we see five guns pointed at us. "Holy shit!" Yasmine screams as we duck… Unfortunately, Kelley didn't take the hint and got sprayed. The pervs even managed to get her t-shirt wet. Tragedy. So anyways, Kelley gets pissed and, with pin-point accuracy, hurls a water filled condom at Joey's face. BLAM! Bulls-eye! We run further up the aisle, and just when we think we are away from their wrath, something very unexpected happens. Justin and Chris get all Bruce Willis on us and JUMP OFF THE STAGE! They come running after us just the security guards jump in front of the fans to block them from getting to the two. We're like, "Jesus, help us!" and we start running again. We run ALLLLLLLLLL the way around the venue and just like that, we're at a dead end. The stage (which still has Lance, JC, and Joey on it with the guns) is in front of us, and Chris and Justin are behind us. Just then, Yasmine becomes my hero for the night. Pulling out our "water balloons", she throws them all Army grenade-like onto the stage, buying us time to jump onto the stage and run some more as they duck out of the way of the balloons. Unfortunately, once we get on the stage, we're kinda surrounded on all sides. To our back is the security, in front of us is YNC… since NS were still trying to get back onto the stage.

So in conclusion, we ran towards YNC and just as they drew their water guns, we fell to the floor and slid under their legs. Afterwards, we hurriedly ducked backstage, dipped out a backdoor, hopped into Cleetus, and sped off into the sunset. Well, since it was nearly midnight, I'll say we sped off into the moonset. Cool. And that, people, was MY meet and greet. Cassie only WISHES she can have as much fun as me.

The End

**The events in this story are entirely false and did not happen. Please do not believe that we are stupid enough to do some of these things. If you believe that this is true, you are a stupid asshole and deserve to be launched into the center of the sun. I repeat, this story is 100% false.