By: Tammy and Kelley

Does this sound familiar to you?

Or how about this one?

Goodness! I mean, I'm not tryin' to sound like the big shot writer or anything, but this has got to stop. This is just plain WRONG, as my friend Kelley would say. I mean, I like to read porn as much as the next person, I guess… and I like to read a good romance story every now and then, but some of the fan fiction out there should be burned… and the ashes should be launched into the center of the sun. This stuff is just HORRIBLE! I mean, puh-lease! I know that a lot of young girls out there are living out their fantasies with the guys of 'NSync, and just want to share their stories with others, but this is ridiculous. If you wanna live out a dream, then knock yourself out. I mean, ain't nothin' wrong with that. All I ask is that you make your shit BELIEVABLE!!! That's the key word here, people. Believable.

I don't wanna read about Justin going to a concert, meeting some fifteen year old girl, and then falling in love with her on the spot. I don't wanna read about JC and Lance running a train on Justin's girlfriend 'cause she's feeling frisky. I don't wanna read anymore mindless, idiotic plots where the member's of 'NSync are doing something not only they wouldn't do, but something no NORMAL PERSON would do. And it's like, the more I grow to hate it, the more I accidentally stumble into a site that is chock full of stories like these. It's at the point where I don't even read fan fiction anymore. I mean, the shit is ridiculous, and I'm like, "If you've read one, you've read 'em all." Be a little creative with your shit, ya know? Oh, and here's another one of my favorites. The ones where there are conveniently five girls, and all of them go out with one of the guys… 'cause they're so purty. **gag me** Or this one: Where there are five girls stranded on a desert island with the guys 'cause their private jet caught on fire and the guys rescued them, then they all suck face and have orgies for all of eternity. **makes a sound of frustration** When will the madness stop? God, are Kelley and I the ONLY ones who realize that these stories suck? I name NO names, though. Nobody deserves to be put out there like that, but I will say this: If you suspect that I am talking to you, then maybe you should go back and read your stories. Check yourself and ask: How many stories out there are like this? Does my story fit the same profile that Tammy and Kelley speak of? If so, then maybe you should try something new. I encourage up and coming writers, 'cause I know how scary it is to write a story that is from the heart, and if you have a true passion for it, then I can honestly say that you should keep working at it. If you're doing this for the same reason 'NSync is writing a screenplay for their movie, "Just as a hobby", then I'll say the same thing to you that I would say to them: Don't quit your day job. A lot of sites that I used to like that wrote fan fiction have officially gone to hell in a hand basket. I was disappointed, but ya know what? Hey, that's the breaks. You know the one's who are in it for fun and the ass-kissing letters. On the other hand, you know the one's that truly love what they do. That's my word. Aight, one.

Many people are wondering, "Who are we to make fun of these stories?", but then again, who are you to be writing them? I don't know how many times I have accidentally stumbled over the horrible plots of someone's story. I can say that after reading some of these stories, I will never be emotionally right again. With that said, here are some pointers for those of you thinking of writing 'NSync Fan Fiction.

1) Plausibility-- In other words, is there a snowball's chance in Hell that what you have just written will ever happen to anyone? For example, I had the privilege of reading a PAGE long story (a strong indicator that the story is going to be void of any real plot) in which a handicapped and facially disfigured guy is just randomly approached by this girl. Not only is the girl concerned as to what is wrong with the boy, but she immediately pours out her heart about how much she loves Justin Timberlake. A short paragraph later... she and this guy are kissing. (Totally believable because I myself randomly pick up facially disfigured handicapped guys and kiss them within hours. Can you feel the sarcasm?) The climax of this melodramatic and brief story is that this guy is Justin, and once kissed, all of his scars disappear. And as if you were left dying for more...he tells her, "Finally I have found someone who loves me for me." LOL Now tell me: Does anyone out there see this happening?

2) Shameless Romantic Plugs-- We've all read those stories where you just know that some 12 year old was dreamily staring at her JC poster and suddenly thought, "Why not write a love story?". All I have to say is, "Gag me". Really people, does EVERY piece of fan fiction have to encompass a young woman who, out of the thousands and thousands of fans, catches Justin's eye, to which he then whisks her away to his mansion to live happily ever after...? YEAH...RIIIIGHT. C'mon now, that is not going to happen. I'd believe it more if he was picking you out for a booty call then, like for some kind of cheesy Harlequin Romance moment.

3) Exaggeration of Boyband Stereotypes-- Now we all joke around about Justin and his Ebonics, Joey and his latest STD, and JC and his crack addiction, but lately it has been a trend of the fan fiction to go above and beyond the normal stereotypes. For example, do you find yourself using dialogue concerning Justin in which he is using the words "Crunk," or broken English ALL the time? Or how about Joey? Is there really a need to make him THAT stupid? You know, making him the one to volunteer to risk his life for the team...and does every story have to have Chris cracking jokes about his illegitimate children? Try something new. It's called "originality."

4) Extended Outfit Descriptions-- Ah, yes where would we be with out those page long descriptions of that 5'5", 113 lb. sandy blonde haired girl who must change into her "Black slightly faded halter top, with her OLD NAVY beige khakis, followed by the matching 3 inch sandals, a black matching hair clip, pink nail polish, and of course some butterfly anklet..." (do you see where I'm going with this?) NO ONE CARES! If you're thinking that someone out there that is reading your story is going to say to themselves, "Well the plot sucks but at least the main character's got fashion sense!"… YOU'RE WRONG! In fact, if they are anything like me they are probably wondering why they are wasting they're time by continuing to read your little ode to the GAP.

5) Bizarre Names, and Pathetic Titles-- I always love to read the fan fiction just to see what sad name they have created for the delightfully air-headed main characters...here are some of my favorites: Amity, Verity, Lightning, Sunshine and my personally fave, Butterfly Spirit. I'm all about going for uniqueness, but who in their right mind would name their child, or pet for that matter, any of these names? It sounds like the results of the Original Woodstock crew who, while on LSD thought, "You know man, I think Butterfly Spirit is a righteous name."

And as for the titles...here's one pointer...don't name your story after a song!! Especially an 'NSync song. It just makes you look sad. No one thinks its cute to read a story called "Digital Get Down," "From The Bottom of My Broken Heart," or any other Britney Spears, or Spice Girl pop hit. Try something else that might be new: its called "Creativity."

6) The Porn Sites-- All I have to say is, "Bring in the holy water cuz y'all is going to hell!" Is it really necessary to write down your sexual fantasies about the guys and post it on the Net? Do you really think it turns them on? I don't think so! If anything, you're probably making them want to more spend time away from the fans. Think about it: what are the odds that any black guy would be 11 inches long?! Let alone a white pop singer. And is there really a need to tell us varying sexual positions and use words such as "girth"? As Tammy mentioned before, "THAT IS JUST WRONG!!"

PS: Go ahead and write me if you like. I LOVE feedback. And if it's hate mail... Go ahead and send it to me... I could always use a good laugh! My e-mail addy is KBrownsugar81@aol.com.

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