So this is what I've waited three fucking weeks for. Figures. I mean, anytime I get my hopes up that I'll actually get my money's worth, I walk away kinda disappointed. Atleast I didn't pay for this. Let me get everything straight: NO, I did not hate this show. I thought it was great… it just could have been better. Anyways, I just wanna say that I thought the Wayans Brothers were hella funny, but they could have been funnier. I don't blame 'em, though, 'cause they were obviously nervous about going live and everything for the first time. Hell, there was a lot of pressure on them to outdo Chris Rock. Also, MTV wrote some wack ass jokes for them. By the way, this is a review of the LIVE show. That said, let us begin.

Destiny's Child annoys me. Case closed. I hate them and hope that they never sell another album. They totally fuckin' embody the whole stereotype that females can't stick together and get along. I mean, it's one thing to disband a group, but to replace three members? Unreal.

I will skip all the rock groups 'cause they do NOT interest me.

Why was Kid Rock so cool for some reason? I loved how when John Norris made a remark about Kid not performing, he's just like, "I don't gotta perform, I can just get drunk a lot earlier."

'NSync looked like crap and for some reason, they looked retarded in their interview. Tragedy. Lance: "We were nominated for three last year?" Ha fuckin' ha… not. **Note: JC looked like a fake-ass wannabe pimp.

2ge+ther was there… LMAO

Sisqo is such a fuckin' midget. Lisa Raye looked like a basketball player next to him. He's only 5'3", ya know. I betcha he and Lisa Raye got a lil' somethin' goin' on on the sneak tip.

The lady from GLAAD annoyed the shit outta me too. Stop trying to blame everybody for shit. I mean, MTV stands for Music Television. They HAVE to be fair to ALL musicians, even Eminem. They can't just not play his stuff because they don't agree with the message. I mean, as a major network, they have to be completely unbiased and remain objective. Duh!

Brian McFayden has a crush on Britney and Mandy Moore.

It was funny when Serena Altschul was messin' up. I laughed… felt kinda bad for her, too.

I liked Britney's dress, it was REALLY cute. Why does her voice sound like that, though? Kinda scratchy and high, ya know?

**Nelly is SO fuckin' fine… I'm done.

I love Eminem, but sometimes he makes me wanna smack the shit outta him. Really. I'm like, how can anyone THAT cool and funny be THAT fuckin' annoying… and ON PURPOSE at that?

98 Degrees… yawn.

I really liked Christina Alguilera's outfit. It was beautiful and it suited her. She's so skinny, though!

Eve looked GORGEOUS! She was there with her boyfriend, Stevie J. He's so supportive… aww.

Pink looked kinda scary… loved how Carson Daly just came outta nowhere.

Okay, I really have nothing else to say about the Pre-Show except this: Everyone was kinda scared of what Eminem would do, I don't care what anyone says. Not even so much scared as much as they were tense with anticipation.

I liked the whole "Shawn Wayans as Chris Rock" shpeel in the beginning. Made me laugh… especially when he's like, "Destiny's Child wants you to say their name… well I would if I could remember it! Everytime I learn someone's name you kick the bitch out!" LOL Nice. Once the Wayans' loosened up a bit, they got funnier. At first you could just tell that they were REALLY nervous. One thing I hated: Why did Shawn always feel the need to talk over Marlon? God, would you shut up?! Damn, that's why they don't normally let two people host, 'cause when they both talk at the same time, no one can understand what the hell is goin' on. Marlon is mad funny and sexy, just had to insert that.

Janet Jackson's performance was THE BOMB!!! Oh my lord, I miss that woman in concert. I just love seeing her perform… she is too awesome. This is what I like about Janet that I think that Britney Spears should take a lesson from: She sings LIVE and can DANCE HER ASS OFF! Now, to all you people that do not know the difference between when someone is lip-synching and when they're live, just pay attention. Usually when you're live, your voice sounds different from when it's on the album. For example, Janet's voice was slightly lower (and a few times, very much lower) when she did her performance at the VMA's whereas Britney's voice sounded like it was being shot out of a speaker, not from off a mic. A lot of people need to learn that when a mic is used, your voice echoes slightly. Anyways, you also sound slightly (or very, depending on the performer) out of breath at the ends of your words when you're singing and dancing at the same time. All in all, Janet was DA BOMB!

**Note: I hate how those show biz types just sit there like they're not impressed when they see an awesome ass performance. I mean, if you like it, atleast nod your head, don't sit their like you're too fuckin' cool for the room.

I'm glad that Blink 182 won "Best Group". I was surprised, but very happy for them. They're awesome white boys.

Wanna know one of my fave quotes of the night? When Kid Rock presented with The Rock and he's like, "I just wanna say one thing before we go to the teleprompter. 'NSync… no offense Backstreet Boys, but that commercial that 'NSync did with MacDonald's is way cooler than the one the Backstreeet Boys did with Burger King." I was thinkin' the same thing.

I was glad Jennifer Lopez won for "Best Dance Video". Her choreography was good, plus the song made you wanna get up and dance. You could tell she was really happy to win, 'cause she didn't even mention Puffy 'til the end, but when she did, it was sweet. Wow. Marlon: (pretending to cry with pride) "And I knew her when she was just a little fly girl."

That 'NSync thing for Viewer's Choice update was hilarious. He had an afro and a bandanna just like Justin. Cut to Lance looking like, "Oh my God… that Lance dummy has more rhythm than me!" LMAO Lance doll: "Wait! Why do you get to read the cue cards? You think you're all cool just 'cause you're datin' Britney Spears?" Justin poser: "Am I?" God, that is Justin's standard answer. Whatta dork. Cut to Joey who's damn near crying with happiness 'cause the attention's finally on him for more than three seconds.

When Macy Gray won, Jim Carrey had a REALLY goofy look on his face. I was laughin'.

Sisqo sounded good when he sang "Incomplete", and the Dru Hill reunion was aight… but then he had to launch into that damn "Thong Song" again. Please, bury that song deep into space.

That Macy Gray thing that Marlon did was hilarious. As a matter of fact, ALL his sketches were hilarious. I was dyin' laughin' at the infamous "bush" scene.

Why was Ricky Martin so fine? I dunno. I was glad that Aaliyah won over everyone else, and it was cute how she brought her brother on stage. Ricky did NOT have to pronounce her name as "A-liah", though.

God, I hate Destiny's Child. They sounded good when they sang, though.

**Note: I think that that guy next to Christina Alguilera is her "dancer" boyfriend. I don't know if you noticed, but it's the dude in the "Come On Over" video. By the way… why did D'Angelo get nothing? His video was AWESOME. Damn MTV. By the way, I think good ol' Em got a little too much pleasure out of huggin' Kelley of Destiny's Child. What I tell you about the love for minorities?

When Carson came out and brought out the dude from Napster, how cool was that? Man, I was bouncin' all over the room. And he had on a Metallica t-shirt. I don't know if anyone noticed the kid's dig at Metallica when he said, "I'm actually sharing this shirt with a friend but I'm planning to go out and get one of my own." Ya know, like we share music on Napster, but go out and buy the CD anyway? It was cool 'cause everyone started chanting "Napster" over and over again.

Britney Spears doing "Satisfaction" wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Liked the outfit. Too bad she had to start lip-synching or else I woulda really liked the whole performance. The whole "ripping off the outfit" was cool too, but I was dyin' laughin' when my sister-in-law was like (in response to the see-through outfit), "Who she think she is? Lil' Kim?" LMAO By the way, to all the Britney fans in denial, YES she was lip-synching. Janet Jackson, thou art not. Anyways, I still kinda liked her performance. Marlon: "The girl done went from the Mickey Mouse Club to the strip club!" God, I love this guy. He should have hosted alone.

Thanks for giving Sisqo the "Best Hip-Hop" award, he really deserved it. NOT! I'll say this: Hip hop is a culture, and has history… substance. It does NOT deal with fuckin' thongs. Sorry, but I could debate on this topic all night, but I'll say this: Common is a hip-hop artist. The Roots are hip-hop artists, ya dig?

When Method Man and Redman were doing the Viewer's Choice thingy, I died laughing when Method Man started sing Britney Spears', "Oops… I Did It Again". Redman was funny when he was singin', "That's why they call me Slim Shady." Bless them.

I am sooo tired of artists pluggin' their damn albums. I was weak though when Macy Gray kept talking about "her bush". Slightly grossed out, but still weak with laughter. I'm glad 'NSync won, 'cause I could tell that they were starting to get worried. LOL Justin probably wanted to collapse in happiness when LL Cool J let him where his "GOAT" jacket… that sure was a nice jacket, though. Now all the little white girls are gonna buy the album just 'cause Justin endorsed it. Darrin look goooood. Justin: "We got a moon man, we got at moon man." JC: "And that's all I have to say about that."

Jim Carrey was funny… very. I was weak when he was talkin'. I mean, how can I even quote him? If you missed this, then you deserve NOT to know some of the funny shit he said. Here's an example: (talking to Shawn and Marlon) "Thank you Keenan and Damon. I still think you're the most talented ones." And that's all you get! LOL Eminem's performance was good… It was phat how he had all the look-alikes and they all walked through the hall and stuff. I wouldn't have put Christina out there like that, though. That was kinda fucked up. I betcha she was almost in tears. Marlon: "I didn't know what to think when all those white boys came in. I thought it was the Million White Man March." Classic.

Ahhhh!!! Chris Rock and Pootie Tang had me on the floor WEAK! They looked like some pimps. To all of y'all who don't know who Pootie Tang is, watch "The Chris Rock Show" Friday nights at midnight on HBO.

The Napster sketch was funny, but Lars came out looking like a complete prick. Whatta bastard. When he came out, lots of people were booing him.

Dre won Best Rap. Surprise, surprise.

My sister-in-law thinks that Ananda Lewis is gay. LOL I don't mean stupid, either. I mean, like, lesbians. 'NSync's performance was off the blickah. Justin sounded beautiful, but that chorus started off kinda rocky. A bit flat. LOL The whole TV moniter part was TIGHT. Even my in-law had to admit that it was nice. I didn't realize how sweet it was until they moved from behind the monitor and the heads on the monitor moved to. Or when they turned they're backs to the audience and the heads on the monitor did, too. Very awesome. As for the whole, "Hot Boys" rap and the booty shakin', I was laughing. Noticed had there were more black chicks than white? LOL I reiterate, what'd I say about the love for minorities? Man, could they get any freakier during that dance number? Even JC was freakin' a chick down and his girl was right in the audience! LOL A sistah wouldn't have put up with that shit had she been going out with one of them. She'da jumped her ass right on stage and snatched somebody up. Ha! Notice any stolen moves? I did. I saw the old TLC move and I saw one that they ganked from Britney. Hint: You know at last year's VMA's the move that she did where she kinda turned one foot out and then did the other? Yup, you guessed it. 'NSync used that one. Didja notice when they did the "Butterfly"? I did. LOL I was dyin' laughin' as I watched them back their thangs up. They shoulda been in Juvenile's video. LMAO They were havin' too much fun with this song. **Note: Eve said in the post show that this was her favorite performance. Representin' like what…

That guy hangin' from the stage setup had me on the floor dyin' with laughter. You could hear Shawn in the background sayin', "They are gonna kick his ass." The hanging man threw off practically the whole show! Marlon was like, "Let's keep the show movin'," regardless of Shawn tryin' to stop him. Wise move. The longer they waited, the more stupid everyone was gonna look. I mean, this show was VERY live, if Shawn hadn't noticed. Not to be hatin' or anything, but you gotta be prepared to keep everything movin' even when something unexpected happens. I love Marlon. Anyways, I was laughin' when Fred Durst was tryin' to get him to stage dive. LOL

I liked Nelly's performance. He is sooo fuckin' fine. I just wish he had pulled his pants up and didn't muffle his voice on the mic. By the way, Mark Wahlberg is a sexy white dude.

Marlon: (in response to the crazy hanging man) "He musta got through listenin' to Eminem's album." Shawn was funny when he was like, "Man, I'm just glad he wasn't a brother, or else they'da shot his black ass." Marlon: "This is New York. NYPD probably got two plungers up his ass right now." Very classic.

Very mad that D'Angelo didn't get "Best R&B" video. Bastards. I mean, how in the hell could Destiny's Child win over them?

Robert DeNiro canNOT read. But he's still an awesome actor. I love his ass. Ben Stiller, too.

Okay, on to Christina Alguilera's performance. I liked it, but I swear, with the shit that Eminem pulled, I thought she would retaliate. To those of you who don't really have an ear to the underground hip-hop scene, Christina Alguilera actually has made a comeback to Eminem's dis. It's entitled, "Fuck Eminem". I swear on all things holy, I'm not lying. I have the tape. She's kinda rappin'… sorta. She's wack, though, 'cause well, she ain't a rapper. But the shit she was sayin' was still funny. Ya know, goin' on about how he ain't shit without Dre and how he's mad that Carson Daly and Fred Durst had a better chance of gettin' some then he ever will. Anyways, I thought she might start singing that. I was hopin' she would, 'cause I'd have been like, "Whoa, this girl has guts." But anyways, the part with Fred Durst coming onstage was great. Very unexpected. I liked it. Wonder what Eminem thought of it... Nevermind, he already commented on it during the post show. "Good for them. Good for them."

Liked Lil' Kim's outfit. Didn't need to see her flirting with someone named Big Pussy. Eww… Here's how you can tell the show was live… LOL First off, you didn't even know what category they were presenting for. Then, they showed the 'NSync video a bit too long. LMAO I was thinkin' the whole time, "It'd be kinda fucked up if 'NSync didn't win." **Spits out soda with laughter.

When they did the tribute to "The Artists Who Are No Longer With Us"… Man, what can I say? Hilarious. I thought they were gonna talk about Biggie and Tupac and Big L and all of them, but as soon as I saw MC Hammer, I knew that this was a big joke.

Having Christina and Britney present together was nice. Christina's slight dig on Eminem was cute. It's a good thing that they really let Whitney Houston present, 'cause I don't think it would have been pretty for Eminem to win and then for Christina and Britney to have to give him the award. LOL I can see it now. It'd probably be pretty peaceful, though. I mean, Christina wouldn't give him the moon man, let alone look at him. Britney would present it to him and Em would take it like it was no big deal… then he'd say some shit about them right to their faces when he gave his speech. Anyways, I thought Britney was gonna run over and hug Whitney with the way she was actin'. LOL She was doing the old Arsenio Hall fist wave and sayin', "Work it out!" LMAO **Side note: There are rumors circulating that Whitney Houston is on drugs. They SEEM like they could be true based on the way she acts, but I hope it isn't. By the way, D'Angelo should have gotten "Video of the Year". Eminem hugged Bobby Brown, and good ol' Bobby didn't look like he gave a shit.

Eminem's speech. My favorite part? "I'm gonna take this home and put it up right between my Britney Spears and Christina Alguilera posters."

Blink 182's performance was sick. Awesome, but sick. I laughed all the way through it. I didn't know there were that many vertically challenged people in the world, let alone in a Blink 182 performance. LOL All in all, this was a great performance…

Once again, I would like to congratulate my boys on winning three moon men... That's two more than Backstreet ever got. LOL Also, congrats to Aaliyah on her win. But mostly congrats to 'NSync. I'm very proud of them.

…Can't Wait 'Til it's my turn to host!